Set your own priorities; evaluate and contemplate the manner in which you are living your life. Live life the way you want to, with your own set of values.
-- Kristine Carlson, “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff for Women”

You are old enough to make your own decisions; actually you’ve been old enough for quite some time. You’re old enough to pay your mortgage, to even have a mortgage. You pay 2 car notes, manage your own stock portfolios, finish the daily Suduko puzzle in less than 2 minutes, and keep dates and events organized in your head better than Einstein could explain his theory of relativity. You take care of your family each day, go to your job each day, and do a darn good job of it all every day.

So why do you keep letting your mama run your life?

And mama’s not just giving you advice; she’s butting her head in everything.

She has a say in what you’re eating and how you’re eating it. She has an opinion about the places you go and the people you spend time with. She tells you what you need to be doing and what you’re doing wrong.

Mama makes design decisions for you home, never considers that you are busy or need quiet time, and when she turns up her nose at what you’re wearing, you immediately decide to give it to the Salvation Army.

Mama even described to you how the Jones’ were doing things so you would be sure to follow suit.

The problem is not mama, though. It’s that you give in to the presence, preferences, and unconscious (or conscious) desire to keep your mama pleased. Her views and attitudes are so ingrained in you that you believe to think and act in any other way than what your mama says is plain disrespectful and you wouldn’t hear of disrespecting this woman who has spent her life making sure you were happy and comfortable.

Okay, starting now, get your own life! Make yourself happy and comfortable.

Mama (or daddy, grandmama, the boss, your kids, whomever) has opinions about life and its functions that she’s gelled and thrived on forever. She even raised you on them so they can’t be all that bad. But you’ve got some opinions and ways of thinking and doing of your own, ways that you’ve established over your many years of experience and maturity. You’d be able to express them if you would stop giving mom carte blanche to all parts of your life. You could really set your own traditions, priorities, lifestyle, and interests if you weren’t afraid you’d hurt mama’s feelings if you didn’t try to please or defer and concede to her.

Is it your problem if mama‘nem’s feelings are hurt because you decided to be a big kid and make your own decisions? Or is that their problem? Slap yourself silly if you took that on as yours.

This is not to say you should forget or dismiss everything mama ever taught you about living. The jewels of her life experiences are valuable, proven, and worth heeding as they so often present the best way of going about things. However, you’ve got some gems too that work and bring about the exact results you’re looking for. They shouldn’t be neglected or thwarted either in favor of someone else’s, even if it is mama.

Trust yourself, set your own priorities, and make your own way. Mama‘nem may balk at the idea of you making your own choices. After all, they’ve always had a say – okay, they always had the final say. But at some point they’ll get over it. Then, they’ll get their own life.

Sadiqqa © 2007