On this same day every year, I compile the “Forever List.” This annual list is a sort of to-do list or agenda for the upcoming year that consists of things I’d like to accomplish in the year, and things, once accomplished, that would deem the year a successful one. I have no idea why I titled it the “Forever List” except that perhaps when I started it 16 years ago, maybe a year felt like forever. Maybe I named it the “Forever List” because completing the items on the list would mean peace, joy, and fulfillment forever. Or, maybe it was the “Forever List” because in actuality the things on the list would take forever and writing them down was just a start. Very honestly, I don’t have much memory about why I did most of the things I did 16 years ago; some stuff is just a blur. Nonetheless, the name of my annual program of activities has stuck.
Sixteen years ago, my first “Forever List” was, for me, ambitious. It included things like
Sixteen years ago, my first “Forever List” was, for me, ambitious. It included things like
∙ keep in touch with friends and family ∙ exercise 3x/week for 1 hour ∙ take the
dogs to the vet ∙ read Shakespeare, study Socrates, Kant, and Thurman ∙ find a
handbell choir ∙ organize books and music ∙ learn to embroider ∙ sew buttons on
clothes ∙ make some kimonos and kaftans ∙ drink herbal teas ∙ learn how to use a
reciprocal saw ∙
And, while that year, I did learn to use a reciprocal saw and drank one glass of herbal tea, Shakespeare, Socrates, Kant and I have still yet to be fully acquainted; buttons, kaftans, and kimonos never saw any needle of mine; and, let’s just say the dogs may have lived to the next year had we gone to the vet that year.
Over the past 16 years, I’ve completed most things on each year’s “Forever List.” I’ve attended to those big ones – you know, things like ∙ seek Him daily ∙ create a comfortable home ∙ find a job that I love ∙ have a healthy baby ∙ meet the man with whom I can have a loving, lasting, and mature relationship with ∙ – those things have received my attention and I’ve marked them off the lists because they’re now givens or everyday, expected, and natural occurrences. There’s no more planning for them, I just have to continue to provide devoted and deliberate maintenance along the way. There are other big things I’ve lined through so, structurally, I’m solid, painted up real neat, and, for the most part, my landscape is lush.
But as I reflect on the past 15 lists, I realize that many of the items not scratched through have been left completely unaddressed – okay, ignored – year after year and they’ve sort of snowballed into what are now HUGE items! I’m talking about things that have received a consistent, abundant, and abrasive amount of neglect, so much so that without real, immediate, almost emergency attention, this well erected edifice of mine, with its fine trappings, prettifications, and side dishes, will turn into a mere shell. In other words, if in 2010, I don’t look and work within, I’m going to fall apart limb by beautiful limb. So, I surmise that the things that have been intentionally left unattended are the real candidates for the 2010 list.
Eek, argh, ugh, and sheesh – because cutting cussing is on that List!
Those consciously disregarded items have always given me a chill because, geez, they’re heavy. They require a lot of work, a lot of upheaval. Paying attention to those things in some cases means revisiting some ancient and hurtful places, and even demolishing some of what seems to be currently working. What a frightening task! How harrowing and wearisome! Who in their right mind would willingly go to the places that are ugly and rotten? I mean, seriously, who wants to dig up, dig deeper, and dig through the moistness of sadness, shame, and unrequited fear? Who has the cast-iron makeup to examine all that stuff with a fine-toothed comb and persistent alertness and attentiveness? Who wants to be striped to the core, raw and chaffed, with the even harder task of putting yourself back together the right way?
Not I, saith I. But I have to because I haven’t. I have to because it’s necessary.
Iyanla Vanzant said,
Thus, the things on the “2010 Forever List” include only these -
Wait, pissing is not a cuss word is it?
Over the past 16 years, I’ve completed most things on each year’s “Forever List.” I’ve attended to those big ones – you know, things like ∙ seek Him daily ∙ create a comfortable home ∙ find a job that I love ∙ have a healthy baby ∙ meet the man with whom I can have a loving, lasting, and mature relationship with ∙ – those things have received my attention and I’ve marked them off the lists because they’re now givens or everyday, expected, and natural occurrences. There’s no more planning for them, I just have to continue to provide devoted and deliberate maintenance along the way. There are other big things I’ve lined through so, structurally, I’m solid, painted up real neat, and, for the most part, my landscape is lush.
But as I reflect on the past 15 lists, I realize that many of the items not scratched through have been left completely unaddressed – okay, ignored – year after year and they’ve sort of snowballed into what are now HUGE items! I’m talking about things that have received a consistent, abundant, and abrasive amount of neglect, so much so that without real, immediate, almost emergency attention, this well erected edifice of mine, with its fine trappings, prettifications, and side dishes, will turn into a mere shell. In other words, if in 2010, I don’t look and work within, I’m going to fall apart limb by beautiful limb. So, I surmise that the things that have been intentionally left unattended are the real candidates for the 2010 list.
Eek, argh, ugh, and sheesh – because cutting cussing is on that List!
Those consciously disregarded items have always given me a chill because, geez, they’re heavy. They require a lot of work, a lot of upheaval. Paying attention to those things in some cases means revisiting some ancient and hurtful places, and even demolishing some of what seems to be currently working. What a frightening task! How harrowing and wearisome! Who in their right mind would willingly go to the places that are ugly and rotten? I mean, seriously, who wants to dig up, dig deeper, and dig through the moistness of sadness, shame, and unrequited fear? Who has the cast-iron makeup to examine all that stuff with a fine-toothed comb and persistent alertness and attentiveness? Who wants to be striped to the core, raw and chaffed, with the even harder task of putting yourself back together the right way?
Not I, saith I. But I have to because I haven’t. I have to because it’s necessary.
Iyanla Vanzant said,
“What are you waiting for? With all you say you want, there is a dream for youIn order that life be more interesting and satisfying, more purposeful, and certainly more accommodating for my plethora of embellishments, it is imperative that I dig up and dig through. Because real living requires more than a cursory dance across life’s surface, it is compulsory that I explore and dismember the messes I made. Because I’ve got so much more to give to the people I love, I ain’t got no choice but to get myself together. And, because I seek Him daily, there is no miserable or heartbreaking place that I’ll go that God’s not with me, carrying me, comforting me, and making it all right. I resolve that there is no other thing I can do unless I do what I have not done.
to follow; a goal for you to set; a plan for you to make; a project for you to
begin; an idea for you to act on; a possibility for you to explore; an
opportunity for you to grab; a choice for you to make. If not, you shouldn't
have anything to talk about.”
Thus, the things on the “2010 Forever List” include only these -
∙ heal from some dreadful situations ∙ look into the next era of me ∙ cut theIt’s a very broad list, but it’ll all reveal itself. I don’t know what it’ll all look like. I don’t know all I’ll have to sweat, cry, and breathe through. I do know, though, what it’ll all do for me and that alone, this time, is enough to get me on the road. In 2010, I’m requiring more of myself because I have to. I’m putting up or shutting up, pissing or getting off the pot. I’m not waiting, I can’t wait any longer. Selah and amen!
cussing ∙ pare down, out ∙ bring 2010 and beyond into life ∙
Wait, pissing is not a cuss word is it?
