Speak your mind, even if your voice is shaky.
-- Maggie Kuhn

Even when you aren’t really sure of your words, you are sure of how you feel and you feel something that needs to be said. You’re not sure how to say it; you may stumble over every word or say the wrong thing. You aren’t even sure how your words will be received or even if they’ll be received. But you know you must get it off your chest. You have no choice.

You may have to practice what you want to say standing before a mirror, rehearsing your tone of voice, choices of words, facial expressions, hand gestures, and body language. You may have to write it down, put it in a letter or an email, maybe even make it poetry. You may need to run it by your best friend first to determine whether you’re saying what you feel clearly and to gauge what a response may be.

But you know you have no choice. You must get it off your chest.

Silence kills. It kills spirits. It kills hope. It kills possibility. It kills abundance. Silence cancels freedom and liberation. It marks out dignity and self-confidence. It takes away inner peace and happiness. Silence builds up resentment and rage and makes you have angry conversations in your mind. It can make you sick, raising your blood pressure, lowering your ability to manage stress, thus inviting a susceptible immune system that protects you from nothing. Silence can eat away at your insides until all you feel is hollow, empty, and weak. If you remain silent, have no voice, allow others to speak for you, back down for the sake of peace or because you’re a little (or a lot) nervous about the outcome, expect to be in a lonely place or be in an early grave.

A friend often said, “Speak on your thoughts.” Another offered what writer Audre Lorde believed - you’re never really a whole person if you remain silent. God made you whole and He gave you a voice with plenty of good sense and gumption to use it. Say what’s on your mind whether you need to shake and shiver it out, mumble and mutter it out, or shout, scream, and cry it out. Whatever your mode, just get it out.

You have no choice.

Sadiqqa © 2007

I have come to realize that punctuality, remembering special occasions, timeliness in submitting work and reports, care for vehicles, homes, and possessions, and faithfulness to carry out small tasks diligently and completely are all important and not secondary traits. They may seem like little things, but faithfulness where these are concerned gives a good indication of how I will handle greater things.
-- Author Unknown

You want that big house over there on the hill, the one with the 4 spacious bedrooms; 3 full bathrooms, each with double sinks; wide planked wood floors; and the stone fireplace in the library next to the ample kitchen that has the double ovens, coffee and wine bar, and stainless steel appliances and fixtures. You’d love nothing more than to wake each morning in that home on that hill. But your house down at the bottom of the hill is rundown, unkempt, and behind in the mortgage two payments and late fees. How can you handle a new house when the one you’ve got now is in ruins?

The last time you got an increase in pay, you went to the casino, bought a new wardrobe, maxed out a couple of credit cards, then went broke and cried to the creditors. Not once did you tithe or give money to someone else who may have needed a little. Not even a little did you save any for your children’s education, retirement, or a plain old rainy day. Now you want another raise? To do what with?

You say you’re ready to meet and marry the love of your life? Didn’t you just dump someone because, you said, they were getting “too close” and wanted more from you than you could give? And, you want to really know your Self, but when you find yourself alone, in a quiet place with just you and Jesus, you look for something or someone else to fill that space.

You can’t have more because you haven’t proven you can handle what you’ve already got. You’ve heard it – God doesn’t give you any more than you can handle. That goes for the bad stuff as well as the good. You can’t get the good stuff until you make good of your stuff.

When you can show yourself a good steward of your possessions and your Self, more can be added unto you. Until that time, or at least until concerted efforts are made, why would you be given more or something else to deny that as well? What sense does that make?

Handle with care what you’ve already got then God and the universe He controls will trust you with more.

Sadiqqa © 2007

Although you want to get involved, although you feel the need to do something, when God is working, your job is to be still!
-- Iyanla Vanzant

All your life the thing you’ve done was move. You’ve moved it, moved it around, and moved on ahead, even though sometimes when you’ve moved, you moved too far, too much, not enough, too fast, or the wrong way. So, this time, after failure, frustration, and resignation, you took this big thing to the altar for direction and resolution. You poured out your whole bag, placed ashes on your head, and just got off your knees from hours of tearful supplication. So, why did you go back and get that big thing off the altar? Why are you still trying to move on it and find a solution? Didn’t you ask God to move the thing in the way it should be moved? So take it back, leave it, trust Him, and just be still.

And be quiet. Instead of talking about the thing you’re troubled with, asking everybody for advice, and wanting to hear what other people think, close your mouth about it. It’s at the altar. You gave it to the One who has the greatest guidance and influence. Why do you still need to talk about it?

Oh, and stop worrying about it. You’ve turned it over to God. Worrying won’t change it; God’s grace, mercy, and Perfect will for your life are the only things that will change this thing. Think about something else, like how wonderful it is to know a God who will squash worry, bring you peace, and give you the desires of your heart.

And please, stop checking in with God about it. Don’t keep asking about it, demanding to know “when, when, when.” He heard you. He’s got you. He’s all over it. Let it be and let God do it.

You just be still.

Sadiqqa © 2007

Can you imagine doing all of the things you love to do; being paid for doing those things; feeling good about what you are doing and yourself? Is that frightening to you? ... That’s probably why it’s not happening.
-- Iyanla Vanzant

Fear has got you stuck in the job, relationship, routine, and pit it wants you in. It’s got you walking with your head bowed, knees buckled, and your voice sounding barely above a whisper. Fear has you looking the same year after year; feeling the same day in and day out; and selling yourself short at every moment. It has a seat at your dining table and occupies a side of your bed. It hovers around your wallet, tramps around your brain, peeks at you while naked, and shows up in all your interactions. Fear has so much control over your life, you may as well pay taxes, tithes, and offerings to it.

What if one day – tomorrow, for instance – you said, “to hell with fear?” What if on tomorrow, instead of exercising fear, you got brave, stepped out on faith, and did the very things you’ve been afraid to do? What could happen?

Well, lots of things could happen. Maybe somebody will tell you “no;” or, they may say “yes.” Somebody may steal your thunder and tell you there is no way you can do the thing you think you can do. Or you may just do the thing and do it so well it becomes the next best thing. You may even stumble and fall, breaking your arm and leg on the way down and embarrassing yourself so badly, you may wish you’d never even stepped out in the first place. Or, you may soar and be as light and graceful as an angel, blessing everybody who comes into your space and acquaintance. Anything could happen. All this could happen. But you’ll never know what can happen if you stay in fear.

This is not to suggest fear is awful. On the contrary, having a bit of fear, or caution, is healthy, and it is the wise person who triggers the winds of caution before undertaking a thing. However, solely living off fear, never experiencing your full promise because you were afraid to even try does make fear awful. God didn’t plant in us the spirit of fear; we weren’t paced here to be slaves to worry or dread. God trusts and expects us to apply our faith, act with forethought, and let no obstacle stand in the way of reaching our fullest and greatest potential.

You’re not expected to be and do it all; you must do what you can. But you’ll never do what you can or be who you are destined to be if you’re too afraid to try and reach out for the possibilities. Challenge yourself to go from fear to fully functioning. While there are many steps in between, vow to begin moving away from being afraid.

Sadiqqa © 2007

Are you sure, sweetheart, that you want to be well?
-- ‘Minnie Ransom’ from Toni Cade Bambara’s “The Salt Eaters”

This wilderness you’re going through right now is one of the hardest you’ve ever had to suffer. It’s long and it has layers as deep and thick as an evergreen forest. Granted, you have had other wilderness experiences – some complicated, others quick and relatively simple. You’ve traveled through many storms; you’ve made it through each of them, and, for the most part, you’ve remained unscathed and still of sound mind and body. But this one? Seems you’ve been struggling with this one your entire life. It won’t go away; it stays even when the other storms pass. Oh, how you want to be free from its strains, but, geez, this feels like it’s got a grip for life.

So, do you just live with it? Do you just accept that this is a battle you’ll always have to contend with and manage?

“Are you sure, sweetheart, that you want to be well?”

If you are in fact looking for wellness, healing, and freedom from the stuff that keeps you from, being, believing, and all the other –ings of a productive life, first, consider how long you’ve been living with your stuff. It’s been there so long, it’s like a part of you; an appendage that you feed and wash just as you do the body God gave you. Some of the stuff is so attached that you can’t even discern which part is you and which is simply excess weight that makes you feel bloated and out of control. You’ve accepted the stuff as who you are for so long, you either deny it really is stuff or you’ve learned how to dress it up and redirect it as mere character shortcomings or awkward and complex idiosyncrasies. The real truth of the matter is something just ain’t right about how you’re processing what’s going on in you and in your life. Without giving the stuff that cripples you a correct diagnosis, you’re simply choosing to live with dead limbs. What’s the use in that?

If you’re ready to be well, you must undergo major surgery, plastic surgery, or weight loss. If major surgery is the order, seek professional psychological assistance. This kind of operation necessitates that you rearrange most every single thing in your life, particularly your thought patterns, and, subsequently, your attitudes and behaviors. Major surgery requires that you spend a significant amount of time and energy recalling old, hurtful, secret, and hidden memories so that you can work loose the ties that bind them to you. Most importantly, major surgery demands that you stay in a prostrate position while God reaches in and moves through your body and mind to get you as close to the original work of art He first created.

If it’s plastic surgery you need, consider reconstructive, or that which corrects the negative and depressing effects your stuff has left behind. Be prepared to take grafts from others and other places and have them sutured to you in order to own a fresher perspective and outlook. It will probably be necessary to receive on-going treatments or boosters, so be sure to keep your Bible and your friends close at hand.

If it’s a weight loss program you need, by all means, employ the best to get the stuff off of you. You’ll need an exercise program that includes running to keep your Self away from what’s not good and ingesting only a diet healthy in self-love and positive regard. Don’t cheat and just take a pill to make the stuff go away. Pills run out. They also leave side effects that will create you another wilderness experience. And, if you need a personal trainer, you have ready access to the best at any hour of the day or night. Call on Him and He’ll work your stuff off with you.

Maybe you must undergo all of the above. If so, do so. It’s a guarantee you won’t be alone. I’ll meet you there.

Sadiqqa © 2007

Consider - when you stop crying for yourself and the pain of yesterday, what will you do with that energy? Who will you be after you take back your yesterdays?
-- Dr. Linda H. Hollies, “Taking Back My Yesterdays”

Yesterday’s stuff hurt.

Yesterday’s stuff caused deep gashes, raw blisters, and left terrible scars. It planted deep and firm roots of doubt, confusion, mistrust, loss, emptiness, and fear, and made you choose a lot differently than you believe you would have otherwise chosen under different circumstances. Most days, you can’t maneuver past the stuff or what’s become ingrained as a result of the stuff; some days, it’s just as fresh as the first blow. Today, yesterday’s stuff still hurts.

But, by the grace of God, the angels, and the ancestors, you’ve committed to the faithful examination and study of your stuff. You’ve agreed with your Self to unearth and release the stronghold upholding all the stuff. You’ve even sought qualified, professional assistance to talk you through it and possibly medicate the symptoms so you could feel your way through it. Though the stuff is excruciatingly painful to look at and think about, you do it and dig in because you want deliverance.

So, then, what will deliverance look like for you? After you’ve rummaged around and scoured through your stuff then come out on the other side, how will you look? How will you feel? What will you do?

Will you rejoice and start a new life? Will you be like the Israelites, who, free from the control and cruelty of the Egyptians, sang praises to God for His delivery of relief and mercy upon them? Will you be like the enslaved in 1885 Galveston, Texas who, when they finally received the word of their freedom, filled with emotion and danced in unreserved jubilation? Will you be like the Civil Rights leaders, who, upon hearing about equal rights and voting rights legislation, took to the streets to shout and demand acknowledgement of those changes then fought to the death to keep them?

Or, will you receive your deliverance from your stuff, then, shortly thereafter, replace it with new stuff – like paying off your debts then getting new credit cards and ending up back in the same sorry situation again? Is that what you’ll do?

Or, have you known and lived with your stuff so long that to act and think differently is alien, even blasphemous to your weary spirit so you cling to the very things that got you and kept you in yesterday’s stuff – like one fresh from years of prison feeling so overwhelmed by life on the outside, he/she commits a crime to go back to what’s familiar and comfortable? Are you going back to jail?

Consider what life will be once you’ve been delivered. Consider who you will be. Consider whether you can you handle that and consider whether you’re really ready. What will you do? Who will you be?

Sadiqqa © 2007

You must learn how to make it on the broken pieces.
-- Rev. Louise Williams-Bishop

A long time ago, somebody told you that your head was too big, your eyes were too far apart, and your nose was too wide. Today, even behind maturity, wisdom, and experience, you still see a big-headed, eyes-too-far-apart, wide-nosed kid. Back in the day, you couldn’t finish your work as quickly or accurately as your classmates; you needed additional help from your teachers to understand your lessons and assignments; and it took a long time for you to read all the words in a sentence without stumbling or someone having to help you. Thus, you were labeled “slow” or “special ed.,” and even now, you avoid reading road signs and directions aloud.

Years ago, you gave your heart to someone – on a silver platter no less – only to have it returned to you shredded, balled up, purple, and with small pellet holes in it that caused you to breathe irregularly. Because of that, you’re now unable to even feel it beating much less share it with someone who has shown you sincerity, believed in you and your dreams, and made space in their life for the post of patching up your heart.

You are broken and have scattered your pieces like dust in the wind never to be recovered in the same place again.

Each of us has been marred in some way by our experiences. Each of us has traveled our lives with hurtful and haunting stuff that others have said about us or to us, and felt marked by it for life. Some of us have never known anything but harsh, heartless, and disappointing stuff so it has defined how we think, feel, and behave. That’s all we have; that’s all we know; and doing anything different would certainly cause upheaval too tumultuous and awkward to consider at this point in our lives.

Or maybe behaving differently, reconsidering what “they” said, looking at your Self through new and gentler eyes would be the key that turned the lock of the door that opened to the other side of the wilderness. Maybe consciously finding all the pieces, wherever they are, and welding them together with descriptions, beliefs, and attitudes that are compassionate and supportive would be the answer that opened the door to peace, liberation, and a new way of Being. Perhaps intentionally putting your pieces back together, bit by bit and edge to edge, will allow you to examine how they came apart in the first place and carefully replace them so they never come loose again. Perhaps what you fuse back together turns out to be an extraordinary work of art – whole, beautiful, and priceless.

Sure, you can live on the broken pieces. You can continue to step lightly and on the shell of life. You can even get by on working with just a few shards to keep you breathing and living. But don’t you want to be whole, intact, and full again?

Sadiqqa © 2007

When traveling in the wilderness, learn to seek the abundance of the moment. Ask God to open your eyes to all the blessings He has for you there. As you see each one, let them become a refreshing spring. Soak them into the dry pores of your soul, drink them into the parched areas of your spirit, praise Him for every one, and feel that solid ground at the center of His will.
-- Stormie Omartian

You are right smack in the middle of the storm. You’re wet; the rain is cold; and it’s been storming for days, months... years. The bleak clouds in the sky have been dark for so long, you don’t even remember what sunshine or happiness feels like. But while you dolefully sit in the rain waiting for the rainbow to signify the end of the storm, you’ve overlooked the strong winds blowing unwanted stuff from your atmosphere and how the heavy downfall is bringing life back to your otherwise dry outlook and routine. You haven’t noticed how the lightening has provided glimpses of what is good in your life, or how the thunder sounds like God’s voice cracking with intent and intensity through the storm. You’re just waiting for the storm to end.

In the storm, you’ve found yourself bruised beyond recognition, heartbroken, and, ultimately, unforgiving and indifferent, and you want nothing more than to immediately heal and get on with your life. But have you noticed that when you reflect on your wounds, you breathe deeper and become quieter – both opportunities for hearing the gentle, loving voice inside you that says you’re still ALL that? Have you observed how as you withdraw, you better nurture not only the tender parts that have been exposed and scarred, but your entire Self, focusing on every element to ensure its good working order? Have you realized that while you’re lovingly assuaging your Self, heartlessness and doubt are melting away because you’ve realized that loving your Self through pain’s storm opens you up to seeing others in a more compassionate and open-minded light? And you’re not even at the end of the storm; it’s still raining.

While in the storm, the squall lines are so high that you can see and feel nothing but the sting of the pain before you. But somehow, on any given day, you are able to form your lips to sing praises to God because you’re reminded of Paul and Silas, who, even after being beaten and thrown in jail, sang praises to God and all the chains were broken (Acts 16:25-6). You know that even when the very core of your Self is tried and tested and the battle seems to only get bigger and stronger, singing and praising God brings peace that overcomes you and surpasses the influence of the storm. So you celebrate even though the storm is raging, arduously continuing the journey through it.

Oh yeah, after the storm, it’ll be easy to rejoice and reflect on the lessons learned. You’ll see the greenery, freshness, and new life after the storm. But it’s during the storm where fragments of joy and favor are waiting to be remembered, discovered, and meshed together for wholeness. It’s during the storm where you can embrace what’s around you and use it as a passageway to get you through. Notice everything; name it and keep it before you as you go through.

Sadiqqa © 2007

From the deepest part of me, I could tell that I was at a turning point that was going to make all the difference in my life. I was going to see a new dimension of my Truth and learn to embrace it. But first, I had to allow all of the things to dissipate that were unnecessary. Oh, how afraid I was. What was about to happen?
-- Harriet Cole, “Choosing Truth: Living an Authentic Life”

It’s very apparent to you that you are on the threshing floor. Things in your life are revealing themselves in ways that can be nothing but divine and defining, though they may not feel like it at the moment. The unnecessary stuff is showing up and you realize once and for all it needs to be disqualified and disallowed from continually upsetting your life. Your customary dosage of fear is demanding you stare it in the face, dissect it, and reach beyond it to grasp and achieve that which you’ve longed for and dreamed of, yet run from, sabotaged and interrupted with distractions that were easier, simpler, and that didn’t require much from you. Your experiences are requiring you to thoughtfully review them and place them in proper and usable perspective, while at the same time repeatedly confirming that you are not defined by them. You are not your experiences.

At this point in your life, at this very juncture, you are being stripped of those things which keep you guarded, that have kept the walls secure around you and any air and light from entering your Being. Everything you knew to be true, every Truth you’d judged and constructed to inform your life, is being called into question by something deep within you. Every safe thing you thought, the things that kept you living on the surface – for to go deeper was emotionally disturbing and far too much work – are being pulled from under you and you can no longer sit comfortably upon a well-made bed of mediocrity and complacency. You are being CALLED to a higher standard, one in which only you can create and accept.

What were once your boundaries and comfort zones are being pared down to something tighter. The uncertainly, chaos, and disorder you’d welcomed into your life, consciously and unconsciously, are finding their exodus, whether on their own volition or not. It’s all getting cleared up and cleared out so that something new can enter. And that something new will not only be what you want and need, it will require you to be open, disciplined, obedient, honest, a new creation, and a willing recipient of every single thing it brings, the good and not-so-good. It will encourage and support your renewed comfort zone as it once again expands, but this time to receive only that which is good, tender, and non-defeating.

The unearthing you’re experiencing, the unraveling that’s upon you, the Truth that is being revealed require your conscious and reflective attention. Your next level is dependent upon your acceptance and honest actions within this moment in time. Embrace what is happening and what you are soon to see.

Sadiqqa © 2007

It ain’t embarrassing for me if someone walks in on me in the bathroom. It’s more embarrassing for the person who walked in to see all of this. I scarred my seven-year-old nephew. One time, he ran out of there and just peed all over himself. I guess he had never seen that many folds and wrinkles and lines on anybody. He’s autistic now.
-- Madea on accidental nudity, from “Madea’s Uninhibited Commentaries on Love and Life”

When we were in high school, no one could have made us believe that one day our bodies would look the way they do now. No one could have convinced us that our chins would double and sag; our stomachs would expand and fold like accordions; our tiny stretch marks would mature into replicas of old west road maps; our onion-shaped butts of the past would turn into county fair bell peppers; our formally muscular thighs would become plump and dimpled ham bones; and our knees, ankles, and arches would buckle under the weight of it all.

We’ve spent fortunes on Weight Watchers, South Beach, Atkins, Bob Greene, Oprah’s liquid diet, Slimfast, and “I’m go’n just fast” diets, often to no avail. We’ve invested in Bowflex machines, Thigh Masters, Nordic Track, rowing machines, exercise bikes, and stair climbers which, in some cases, eventually became clothing racks, dust holders, and extra, obsolete, and expensive pieces of equipment pushed into the corner. We’ve tried walking, running, aerobics, yoga, Pilates, and our video cabinets are full of Billy Blanks, Denise Austin, Donna Richardson Joyner, and even a couple of Richard Simmons videocassettes if you get honest.

We’ve got good intentions – we want to be body healthy. But it’s hard. And, geez, those last 5 pounds! They keep turning into more pounds. So, what do we do? Just give up?

Well, we could. But then we’d die sooner from cardiovascular disease, strokes, diabetes, some cancers, depression, and sexual dysfunction. Yes, you can die from sexual dysfunction.

Now, of course, we know we’re more than all this flesh and padding we carry. We know we’re more than the wrinkles and dimples, the excess weight that slows us down, and the several sizes of clothing we keep in our closets just in case. We’re also more than the worry we have about it all. So, again, what do we do?

First we stop agonizing over it and being embarrassed by it. So we’re heavier than we want to be. Really, who isn’t? Next, and only if we’re serious about losing it, we stop making excuses for it. You’re not big-boned, your daddy’s people have little to do with the weight you carry, and while your metabolism may be biologically and chemically slow, lying on the couch after seconds of a 5-course meal to just rest does not speed it up. Let’s get honest.

But, most importantly, we have to get in our heads that we’re God’s babies, no matter the shape or size, and He welcomes whosoever into His fold. And, it is with that knowledge and understanding that we can make proper choices about how we want to represent Daddy to the people and the kind of stewards we want to be of the temples He’s given us. To honor and bless God, it is our responsibility to sensibly, gently, and thoughtfully tend and protect that which He has assigned us and that which we only get one of – our bodies.

Whatever you decide to do to get and stay in good body health, just do it – no worrying, excuses, falling short, or scaring the little kids. Don’t stress it; just do it.

Sadiqqa © 2007

If your mother wants to hold your hand, there’s probably a good reason.
-- Cynthia Copeland Lewis, “Really Important Stuff My Kids Have Taught Me”

“There’s a lot of traffic whizzing by,” you proclaim to your mother who is holding your hand as you and she wait to cross the street. “Everybody’s quickly headed this way and that way; not even slowing down for a pit stop,” you continue. “Everybody’s traveling at what feels like the speed of light, and nobody’s making any room for us to jump in so we can get where we’re going.” You think to yourself all you really want to do is get to the other side but, right now, it looks virtually impossible to do that. And, geez, it seems you’ve been waiting for a very long time. In fact, you think, you’ve been waiting too long. “Mama,” you say, “can’t we just step down off the curb and run really fast?” Of course, mom, who actually understands your haste, decides to remain silent. Yet she grips your hand a little tighter sending you the message that says “hold on, we will cross soon; just be patient.”

Soon, you’re tired and irritated with waiting for the traffic to cease or slow down and you begin to think this traffic is not stopping on purpose. It sees you trying to get over there but it just doesn’t want you to get there. Can’t it see it’s keeping you from moving forward, that old stinky traffic? You start plotting against the traffic, yelling at it, calling it selfish and greedy. A couple of times – when mama wasn’t looking – you shot it a few hand gestures, which did cause it to slow up but not stop long enough for you to cross. After that, traffic actually seemed to speed up and further ignore your yells and obscenities. “Humph,” you finally determine, “I’ll just stay on this side forever.” Then, just as you got still and calmed yourself, mama firmly grasped your hand, looked both ways, said “come on,” then unflinchingly led you across to the other side.

As an adult, there are times when there’s far too much traffic in your life for you to move forward. Perhaps you need to work through your finances before you can receive the blessing of more money. Maybe you’ve got to work out some issues of commitment and feelings of inadequacy before you can receive the blessing of an honorable mate. Maybe you need to trust God in yourself before you can actually step out on your own and claim what’s yours. Whatever the traffic in your life, you’ve got to wait with patience for it to clear. No yelling. No cursing. No road rage.

And, while you’re waiting, you can guarantee God’s holding your hand with a firm and guiding grip. You can be assured that Jesus is covering, anointing, and equipping you for your opportunities on the other side of the traffic. And, He won’t guide you over before it’s time. You can try to run on through the traffic, but know, if you let go of God’s hand, you’ll probably get run over.

Like mama, God knows that we need to wait, that we need to watch and look both ways. Like mama, God knows we need to be developed and shaped in order to handle what’s happening or what’s coming our way over there. God assures us while we’re waiting that we’re secure and we need to and can lean into His hands.

Honor the waiting and the grip of God’s perfect hands while waiting. In due time, God will let you know when you’re ready to cross the street.

Sadiqqa © 2007

Just keep banging until someone opens the door.
-- Cynthia Copeland Lewis, “Really Important Stuff My Kids Have Taught Me”

About 7 months or so ago, you hinted to your boss that a raise would certainly be nice. You reminded him of the myriad of accounts you’ve expertly managed over the past year and the deals you’ve made that have netted the company a greater profit. Shortly before Christmas, you formally stated in a letter to your boss that your value to the company was worth a raise, then you named your price. Since the beginning of the year you’ve more than doubled your productivity which helped to increase the company’s bottom line. Yesterday, you got your raise!

If you keep asking, you’ll finally get what you want.

For at least 2 years, you and she have dated, and, for no less than a year, you’ve been in a perpetual “courting” stage. You’ve committed your time and energy to her; rearranged your life to accommodate her schedule, moods, and fears; and kept your sulking at a minimum when she could not decide if it was you she really wanted. You gave her calla lilies because you know she loves them; you found her a dozen pink tulips in December and watched her heart warm for your effort and thoughtfulness; you changed her oil because it was time and you knew she would not take the car for service unless a light came on. Seven months ago, you made an attempt to gauge her commitment to you. She moved closer, but made no promises. You didn’t stop calling. You didn’t lose hope. You didn’t lose faith in her. Yesterday, realizing that she loves you more than she’s ever loved another, she proposed to you!

If you keep up the same energy, you’ll finally reach that plateau.

For most of your life, you have struggled with a right relationship with money – either you have none and need it badly or you’ve got some and you don’t spend it wisely. Each day, every year, it seems you’ve worked harder and harder to squash your debt and mismanagement, but at every moment, they seem to bash your spirit and fuel your anxiety. Seven years ago, you put yourself on a budget, even though you believed setting a budget was for people who had money. A year later, you began working a second job, even though you still wonder how you have time to do that. A year after starting that job, you began investing in a mutual fund, took classes on better money management, and sought professional assistance to examine the underpinnings of your relationship with money. Bit by bit, you watched your debt dwindle; day by day, you noticed life returning to your Being: dollar, two dollars, you noticed they stayed in your pocket longer. Yesterday, you put the last mortgage check in the mail!

If you keep hitting the thing hard, it’ll finally give in.

Keep banging. The door will open. And when it does, rejoice!

Sadiqqa © 2007

You don’t get to decide your part in the school play, but you do get to decide whether or not you play it well.
-- Cynthia Copeland Lewis, Really Important Stuff My Kids Taught Me

You had little, if any, decision about whether you wanted to join those on earth. In the wee and private hours of the night or day, you can probably assume that neither of your parents even ventured to ask you up there in the vast universe of “babies to come” if you wanted to become an embryo, grow, then be thrust into the physical world. Do you remember being asked?

Well, even though they didn’t ask – or at least you don’t remember being considered – you’re here and it’s up to you how you want to live here. The way you play you part in life is elective.

You can play your part so that you are a downtrodden, oh-woe-is-me, wretched victim of life’s challenges who complains that the sunshine is too hot and misery is the only company to keep. Your lines in life’s play can include unanalyzed helplessness and unrelenting misfortune that lead to cycles of pessimism and self-condemnation. Your part can be played mean and crabby, dishonestly, defiantly, or as all of the above. But, you’ll probably be acting in that life play alone.

Or, you can act as an angel who drifts above it all, singing “Que Sera, Sera” and blowing kisses to all who pass your way. Your dramatic life performance can include syrupy speeches about loving everything and everybody even when they aren’t showing you love or regard. Your speeches may include soliloquies about lighthearted and eternally cheerful outlooks and monologic prattle that may leave your audience yawning from the sheer fuzz and fluffiness of it all. And, that’s the trouble; because people may become bored and in need of more substance, they may only stay for a little of your life play. And, remember, angel halos get sorta heavy.

Or you can simply appear as the average, everyday citizen who wakes up, goes to work, earns a day’s pay, returns home, and goes back to bed to start over again. But then, you don’t get very much joy playing out this part, nor do you rack up any rewards like helping others and making a real difference in the world. You live a life of mediocrity and monotony which, in many cases, is just as unfulfilling as acting out either of the extremes above.

Perhaps your choices lie on either side of the medium, something like assertive and realistic infused with simple optimism and good spirits. Nonetheless, it’s your stage, and while you can’t give back your part (without committing tragic ends), you get to choose what that part looks like. Choose wisely; your part on earth is not in vain.

Sadiqqa © 2007

If you want to feel me, better be divine. Bring me water, water for my mind. Give me nothin’, breathe love in my air. Don’t abuse me, ‘cause these herbs are rare.
-- Erykah Badu, “Kiss Me on My Neck”

You really are something to behold. You’re smart, intelligent, ambitious, and confident; clever, creative, resourceful, and dynamic. Your smile is infectious and the enthusiasm you exude spreads like wildfire on a breezy California mountain. Your optimistic outlook about life’s possibilities is refreshing and inspiring amid the overload of negativity and cynicism that floods the world; and your ability to see and feel beyond the surface keeps you tuned into the God in others. You are full of life!

You are quite talented, far beyond what’s considered ordinary. You make the simple remarkable and the plain out of this world. You bring so much savvy and flair to everything you do, others try to mimic your style. But it can’t be duplicated by any means. You were made especially to do what you do, and nobody does it better.

You’re very self-aware. You understand your Self – your motivations, needs, likes and dislikes. You’ve gone inside to do the work necessary for whole living; the work essential for producing and receiving abundance; the work God requires you to undertake to better navigate your journey. You’ve proven time and again you aren’t afraid to unearth pain or too timid to examine imperfections. You are passionate about growing and evolving, learning and discovering. And you do it boldly, with sound and solid purpose.

So why in Sam Hill are you opening the door and keeping it wide open for this person to brazenly walk in and trample your inner sanctuary? Why are you allowing their uncertainty and disorder to seep into what you’ve nurtured to health and break it down into unidentifiable pieces causing you to become disconsolate and unsure? Why are you giving permission to this person to squash your happiness; squander your desire to give honest, unreserved, and shameless love; and take up residence in your heart and mind without receiving any form of recompense in return? Why are you covering with a wet blanket everything that you are just to have this person in your space? Why?

Why?

Your herbs are rare. Don’t let them season what doesn’t feel right, look right, act right, or treat you right. Don’t settle, stretch beyond recognition, or make excuses in the name of trying something different. If the person is detrimental to your spirit and brings nothing for you to grow on or go on, you must purge them from your space and send them on their way. Give ‘em the boot, shut the do’, lock it, and go get your peace back!

Don’t allow inside your door, your space, your life people who cannot breathe love in your air and bring you water to keep your heart and mind veins pumping peacefully. Remember at all times - you really are something to behold.

Sadiqqa © 2007

God placed you and me together so that we can lead each other to the High Places.
-- Esther Davis-Thompson

You know her secrets and she knows yours; they’re all safe. You know why he hurts and how to help him feel better. You know what makes her cry and what to say to tickle her to the bone. You know she really loves roses, even though she tells you they’re an overrated flower. And you really have a thing for roses too, especially after the day she became the first lady to send them to you. She makes you feel high; he puts you on cloud nine.

She’s been your best and truest friend through it all, the one who stuck beside you even when you were anything but a friend. She listens when you gripe, stands for you when you can’t, cries and laughs with you, encourages you by telling you you’re not dumb for doing that thing you’re doing, and keeps you sane when you continually visit the dumb places. Above all, she saves judgment for Jesus. Your best and truest keeps you afloat, refusing to let you look down into the murky waters less you take your eyes off the prizes you seek. She assures you with her presence that the High Places are within your reach.

Your boy has never turned his back on you; he’s even covered for you when your back was exposed or against the wall. He talked you through it then never brought it up again. He’s down for rolling with you when ya’ll need to ride, for shooting the ish while chilling with a brew and a Mavericks game, and praying with you when it all gets too heavy for man to carry. He helps you reach beyond the right now to find the High Places you are destined to inhabit.

Since the days they arrived on earth, your babies have been blessing you, giving you marked, unwavering, and new purpose. They keep you on your toes, make you live righteously and cautiously, and, if you pay attention, keep you in touch with who you are and who you aren’t. Our babies trust us, although on most days, we don’t have a single clue about any of it. And even when they get old enough to figure out we haven’t got a clue, they still defer to us as the keeper of the answers and bearer of the antidote. Our babies challenge us in every way – good and not so good – to get to the High Places, but it’s because of them we strive persistently for those High Places, and, we want nothing more to see them achieve their High Places.

Without a doubt, God put us together so that we would see, feel, and know our High Places. Today, send a note, card, or roses to the High Place people God has placed in your life.

Sadiqqa © 2007

Begin to cut back on the S’s in your life – sugars, snacks, spirits, salt, seconds, and sitting. -- Gladys Jennings, nutritionist

And while you’re at it - stay out of Shaky, Shady and Shiftless situations. Stop Settling for whatever comes your way. Don’t be Silent if somebody or something is hurting you. Refuse to be a Sucker for anybody. Participation in Self-abasement and -abuse is Suicide. Don’t Saddle yourself with worry and anxiety, they may Sabotage your opportunities and Shackle your dreams. And, wearing Sackcloth too long causes it to become disgraceful and Scratchy.

Quit having unSafe, unSatisfying, and unSanctified Sex. Stop Selling your Self short and your stuff for less than its worth. Close your inner sanctuary to Sapheads, Scalawags, and Scuttlebutts and don’t become so Sated with a thing you no longer desire it. Don’t neglect Spending quality time with yourself. Don’t Say you can’t, you’ll be a Scatterbrain all your life.

Let go of the Salty, Spiteful, Stony disposition. Don’t Scowl or be Surly. Don’t let Sarcasm and Skepticism be the death of your conversations. Spouting and Spewing mean words lead to a Sad and Solitary existence. Stop Sacrificing your peace and that of those around you.

Stop Showing up late, Soliciting gossip, and living on Scandal. Don’t Shoot the Sheriff and don’t Scrap that which is or can become priceless. Keep you pants, breasts, butt, and knees from Sagging. Quit Shouting at and Spanking your kids for everything, and stop trying to Save everybody.

And, please, no more Splitting verbs and putting an s on mine.

Sadiqqa © 2007

She shook her head, setting in motion the tiny, blond braids that hung down to the middle of her back. Tomika liked more hair than she could grow, so she bought what she needed and wove it in. The colors she chose had little to do with what nature had given her, so I learned to think of her extensions like ribbons. The color wasn’t there to blend in. It was there to celebrate.
-- Joyce, from Pearl Cleage’s “I Wish I Had a Red Dress”

We are certainly colorful – sun-kissed and ginger blond updos, chocolate brown Shirley Temple curls, Persian mahogany tresses with caramel tints, platinum fades, reddish-lemon locs adorned in beads and cowrie shells! Whether your hair is short, long, or somewhere in between, its color and style shine brightly.

And, of course, it’s not just our hair that we decorate in color – our clothes are colorful. We’re wearing shades of red radiance, green of nature, and gold lemay or purple passion, magic magenta, blushing burgundy, or orange blossom – colors of energy and spiritedness.

And why not? Our outside colors should match our colorful personalities! We are vibrant and resilient! Marvelous! Fanciful and brilliant! Noble, fabulous, charming, spirit-filled, and outgoing! Certainly those characteristics say COLOR and plenty of it! So wear it – in your hair, on your body, and in your spirit!

This International Women’s Day, what’s your color?

Sadiqqa © 2007

This too shall pass, and I will not pass out.
-- Anonymous

Some days it’s all entirely too much to have to go through and deal with. The mountain feels too high to climb and the tunneled roads through it are switchbacks and blocked with the “no”, “can’t”, “don’t have” and “won’t work” messages. Some days, simply getting out of bed to face the day’s challenges makes you so weary and disgusted that falling out and giving in seem like the most worthy alternatives available.

And so you pass out. Hopefully there’s something soft to catch you; you don’t want to fall in the floor and hurt yourself, it’ll be harder to recover. Be sure there’s something soft like tender words to soothe you, strong arms to catch and hold you, pleasant thoughts to envelop you, good friends to surround you, a good mattress to crawl into, and, most importantly, strong faith to sustain you. And if you lose consciousness, that’s even better for now God can breathe fresh air into you.

If you choose the option of giving in, be sure you’ve given all you could. Be sure you know what you’re giving in to and examine what you’ve been giving out. If you give in, make sure you don’t give up and forget to get back up.

And when you’ve gotten up, because you know you can’t stay there all fainted and deflated, you realize the mountain is still tall but somehow scalable because you fell on something soft and reliable that gave you strength and courage enough to keep pushing over it. And when you gave in, you realized that there was a Greater Force at work and in control and you don’t have to be solely responsible for fixing what is wrong and pushing past rejection, doubt, and lack.

It’ll pass, it always does. In the meantime, give yourself permission to pass out and give in. You won’t lose your footing; you’ll gain greater tread to keep it all moving on past.

Sadiqqa © 2007

No one can persuade another to change. Each of us guards a gate of change that can only be opened from the inside. We cannot open the gate of another, either by agreement or by emotional appeal.
-- Marilyn Ferguson

No matter how hard you try, you just can’t get them to change. You’ve tried convincing them of the merits of your position by applying what you believed to be a rational and thoughtful argument. You’ve tried persuading them with charm and humor. You’ve repeated yourself over and over, using different words each time. You’ve badgered them; bullied them; you’ve even withdrawn from them. Your final tactic was to cry uncontrollably hoping that an emotional appeal would influence a “W” in your column. Nothing, not one thing, has changed.

But if only they would do this thing different, you whine. If only they could think about it like this instead of like that, you propose. Geez, they should..., you plead. Don’t they know your lives would be so great if they would just get it together and do what you need them to do when you need them to do it? “If I could just convince you,” you declare, “that my way IS the best way, certainly we can get along and make the future brighter for ourselves.” But they just won’t act right.

Well, guess what? They’re thinking the same thing about you.

Or not.

Maybe they’ve realized that the only person they can ever change is themselves, and to try to make someone else change just because the situation is uncomfortable or unfamiliar is pointless or not worth sacrificing the time spent on just Being. Maybe they know that people only change when they want to and are ready to, and forcing change only leads to obstinance, resentment, and ultimately, rebellion. And the thing they want you to do is stop your pushing right now before it gets to the point of mutiny on the Bounty with your shi--p sailing somewhere adrift in the dark with no place to dock.

Stop using so much energy trying to change them or make them see that your answer is best. Just Be. Be who you are. Be whose you are and let them do the same. Decide for yourself whether you can tolerate their fixed position. If you can’t, don’t and get over it. But, if you can hang around holding your horses for if and when they decide to change, or at least meet you somewhere in the middle, do so. But, chill, stop pressing; just Be. It will pan out.

Sadiqqa © 2007

... if you are truly ready to put an end to suffering, move around the obstacles, get rid of the pain, find a way out of “no way” and save yourself some grief, here’s what you have to do... Stop talking about what you don’t want! Don’t have! Can’t do! Speak your good into existence with power, dominion, and authority! Move your limited human-self out of the way and watch Divine Mind (the unlimited, ever-present, all-knowing, all-powerful Spirit of God) work for you.
-- Iyanla Vanzant

Maybe it really is as simple as speaking about the good things you want. Maybe saying to yourself and out loud what you can do and what will work are the words it takes for the good things to actually happen. Sounds like a novel idea!

But isn’t it easier to talk about what you don’t have, what’s not working, and what’s going wrong? Don’t we find it easier – and sometimes more comfortable and familiar – to doubt, refute, and negate than to speak about our good, or even acknowledge that there is good? How often have you wanted to try a thing but chalked it up because you believed you didn’t have enough time or money or experience or talent or degrees or ...? Every word from our mouths is about lack. Every thought we think has a “but” in it. How can we ever move beyond where we are, get ahead, or stay sane if the only thing on our minds and tongues is what we don’t, won’t, or can’t have, do, or be?

Today, count the number of times you say don’t, won’t, and can’t then ask yourself why you don’t, won’t, and can’t. Find the path that began the don’ts, remove it, and then dig a new path that will lead you to the do’s. Trace the won’ts back to their origin and dissect them until they become so small they don’t even exist any longer. Trail your can’ts. Why can’t you? Examine the “because” and figure out where it came from and whether it’s legitimate enough to hold to. Honestly determine whether these lack words are keeping you still and stagnant and the making the good stuff inaccessible. Challenge yourself to replace the lacks with plenty of Self-encouragement, effort, and as many I do’s, I will’s, and I can’s as you can stand in one day. Then tomorrow, start all over again.

Sadiqqa © 2007

Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all.
-- Dr. Seuss, “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!”

Wow, you think you’ve been to amazing places already! You think you’ve done fabulous things with your life before now! Oh boy, hold on world! Look what you’re about to do now!

Blessings are raining down on you! You have found great favor and your territory has indeed been increased! You set your mind and heart to it and, lo and behold, here it is. That thing you’ve been waiting, praying, and planning for is right here, right now!

And, guess what? You’re not done yet! You’re going to go higher and higher, further and further. In fact, you’re going to lead the way and lay momentous ground for others to follow. And they will follow your remarkable footsteps for you have demonstrated how to do a thing with excellence and savvy.

Hope you like your praises sung and your name up in lights – there’ll be plenty of that! Your name will be on the tongues of many; you’ll be dinnertime conversation! You will get googled and your image will be on millions of desktops. Oh, you’ll be in hot demand! Better get you a good publicist!

Oh, the places you will go; the ideas you’ll uncover and the actions you will take! Oh, the spaces you will fill and the widgets you’ll create. You’ll see the great sites, you’ll be a sight (of excitement), too! Get ready, get set, and go to the places you can go!

Sadiqqa © 2007

‘Tis the human touch in this world that counts, the touch of your hand and mine, which means far more to the fainting heart than shelter and bread and wine. For shelter is gone when the night is o’er, and bread lasts only a day, but the touch of the hand and the sound of the voice sing on in the soul always.
-- Spencer Michael Free

Touch is critical to a person’s physical and psychological well-being; it is vital to our livelihood, and can be one of the greatest means to healing. Studies indicate that a simple touch can reduce a person’s heart rate, lower blood pressure, and reduce stress levels. Moreover, people who are touched are happier and healthier. Touch helps babies thrive, keeps lovers connected, and sustains the fellowship found in faith communities.

Safe, healthy, healing physical touch communicates love in a powerful way. It builds closeness and fosters intimacy. It can express reassurance, support, understanding, and sympathy, and give you a sense of being heard in ways that words cannot express. You may forget the words your dear one said to you, or the gift that came along with the expressions, but you’ll never forget that affectionate touch on the arm, kiss on the forehead, or pat on the back.

So, when did we stop touching? When did we become too afraid to reach out and smooth someone’s hair or pick a piece of lint from their clothing? Is that too solicitous? So what? When did we get so scared to rub someone’s back, neck, or feet? Is that too obliging? So what? How have we become so frightened of others’ responses to our touch? Even an accidentally bump into someone causes a barrage of apologies for getting in their space.

Certainly touch carries with it many connotations, one of which is that it is sexual. While a form of touch may be, challenge yourself to think of its bigger picture - touch as healing, connecting, and grounding. Challenge yourself to touch someone for the sake of considerate and obliging touching.

Today, touch while you’re talking. Tonight, touch over dinner. You’ll find yourself, and the one(s) you touch, more loving, open, even-tempered and content.

Sadiqqa © 2007