On their way they were healed.

"Jesus looked at them and said, 'Go show yourselves to the priests.' On their way they were healed."    
Luke 17:14 (Contemporary English Version)


… On their way they were healed.


Of course this is about the story of Jesus healing the ten lepers on his way to Jerusalem. Remember, they called out for His mercy and Jesus looked at them, then told them to go and present themselves to the priests of the city who would then examine them, determine whether they were in fact clean/healed, and welcome them back among the others living in the city. On their wayto present themselves, to be declared clean, to be welcomed back into society's folds, to partake in sacred rituals and sacrifices – they were healed/cleansed/purified/changed.


Lots of us – not many, I hope – have the notion that once we arrive at our destination, once we've finally made it to the place we've been trying to get all of our lives, then we will be happy/satisfied/ peaceful. Some of us believe that only when we finally have the job/money/house/car/ring and spouse we wanted will we be able to say we have arrived and achieved success.


But what about the time between now and when we reach that destination/goal? What about the "on the way" time?


Won't Jesus look at us and show us little "arrivals"/victory /healing on our way to "that place?"


Like learning how to become the very best at what you do, even being recognized and honored for your work on the way to getting that dream job? Or, successfully/responsibly learning the fine points of maintaining/paying for a smaller home or apartment on the way to signing the mortgage on the big manor? Or, discovering how to love/accept/forgive/respect/believe in yourself/be yourself ("Thought…, 11/25/10") on the way to entering into commitment then covenant relationship with another? Won't you learn some things – by discernment or trial and error, continually/lovingly picking yourself up when it's hard, celebrating when you get it right, and learning more about your power/resilience/depth/gifts along each step and on your way toward the target? Won't that you kept living and doing so in faith and praise be what sustains your on the way?


Jesus didn't wait for the lepers to get to their destination – the priests and their laws – before He brought them healing. In fact, telling them to go see the priests was an indication that healing was already underway.


Likewise, Jesus' waking you up this morning, looking you over with grace and new mercies, and sending you for presentation to the world outside your door is His way of saying to you that healing/peace/wellness happens on the way. So keep going.

But the very fact that this world is so challenging...

But the very fact that this world is so challenging is exactly why you sometimes must reach out of its jurisdiction for help, appealing to a higher authority in order to find your comfort.
-- Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love


If you've ever been in my house, the place I call "Sadiqqa's Sanctuary," you know I have a huge collection of books. I have awesome works by Alice Walker, Zora Neale Hurston, Iyanla Vanzant, Richard Wright, James Baldwin, Sister Soulja, Toni Morrison, Juwanza Kunjufu, Nikki Giovanni, and J. California Cooper, to name a few. I've got books about girls and women, the Black experience, religion and spirituality, parenting, psychology, poetry, short stories, American history, biographies, and classics like "Of Mice and Men," "The Canterbury Tales," "Invisible Man," and "Uncle Tom's Cabin." I even have textbooks from undergrad, which was ages/interests/degrees ago.

I also have a pretty impressive CD and record collection – music from Sarah Vaughn, Arthur Prysock, the Carpenters, and Peter Nero to N.W.A., Tupac, Miley Cyrus and Justin Beiber (shh, don't tell nobody about that one!).

I have artwork, pictures, elephants, plants, blankets, hanging trinkets, 5 televisions, a closet full of fragrant soaps and bath gels, peanut butter, an assortment of breads and coffee, an active library card, stickys with random quotes ("Thought…, 11/18/10"), and black pants and black shoes for days! I have bunches of things around me that serve to bring me comfort/strength/safety/refuge, and I can't seem to get rid of any of it!

But, as I pull back the covers/peel off the layers/dig through the dregs, I am finding that what I've used to provide consolation and protection, now only serve to provide a huge amount of dust/clutter… camouflage.

I've even used my possessions as excuses.

When I was lonely/low/afraid/worried/confused, I tossed myself head first into a book. To feel and express emotions, I put on an old Nancy Wilson or Switch album instead of laying it all on the line and being transparent. I've turned on the television to escape myself and washed in a variety of scents to cover my own whiff of sadness. When I couldn't sleep at 2:00 a.m. because my mind was full of disorder, I ate peanut butter sandwiches on honey wheat bread, and in the mornings, I covered my peanut butter assets with black pants. And when the possessions I had could not fill the needs/lack I felt, I went and got more.

Ooh, confession is goooood…

I've covered my hurt feelings with things. Filled the holes in my heart with things – and people, but you don't get that story… today. Bridged the gaps in my confidence with things. And now that I am seeing myself with (heartbreaking) clarity, all those things look like junk.

In the book, "Showing Mary: How Women Can Share Prayers, Wisdom, and the Blessings of God," Dr. Renita Weems tells us that in our moments of loneliness, when nothing or no one else can fulfill us, when it feels as though ease/satisfaction are unattainable, those are the times that Elohim is calling out to us, calling us to seek His solace/succor/presence. As badly as I hate to admit it, never once in the midnight hour did it occur to me to tenaciously seek God instead of a sandwich and cranberry juice; I needed something immediately. Not one time did I consciously petition Jehovah Ropheka (God our healer) to cleanse me with His saving power instead of first scrubbing myself down with $18 handmade almond and goat's milk soap; I needed something immediately.

Never have I asked El-Shaddai (God who is sufficient) to be my eternal/definitive/solitary comforter, even though the things/people I used instead never provided the immediate or everlasting comfort I longed for.

Jeremiah 8:18 says, "God, you are my comfort when I am very sad and when I am afraid." Jesus told His disciples in John 14:16 that God would give them another "Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, and Standby)" in the form of the Holy Spirit who would be with them forever. Psalm 27:1 says, "The Lord is my Light and my Salvation-whom shall I fear or dread? The Lord is the Refuge and Stronghold of my life-of whom shall I be afraid? And, Hebrews 13:6 says, "So we take comfort and are encouraged and confidently and boldly say, The Lord is my Helper; I will not be seized with alarm [I will not fear or dread or be terrified]. What can man do to me?"

So how crazy is it to rely on things and not God when you know God is a comforter/counselor/helper/intercessor/advocate/strengthener/stanby/light/salvation/refuge/stronghold? What on earth was I thinking?

I guess the better question is why "of earth" was I thinking?

I have held idols before God, an ultimate failure! Believing that I needed things that were tangible/human to fill my holes/gaps and bring me comfort/satisfaction/happiness has led to a house full of things and a heart full of regret and in need of cleansing. My Self and my surroundings are in need of purging because I know now why I've got/used all these things. And perhaps looking at them differently/knowing the truth about them will make it easier to discard them and make room for God who is certainly more affirming.

((Sigh))…

Anybody up for a yard sale?

So sweet the journey when you learn to love yourself

So sweet the journey when you learn to love yourself/accept yourself/forgive yourself/respect yourself/believe in yourself/be yourself with amazing grace as your constant friend.
-- Dianne Reeves, "Testify"

 

Once upon a time, I believed I had myself together. I believed I knew who I was and where I was going. I knew what I liked and what was unacceptable to me. I gave myself a new name and took up the mantel of making sure everybody else knew who they were, too.

Now? Well, now I still have all that going on but the vision of who I am has become somewhat blurred. I've inadvertently allowed the trimmings of life to interfere/disorder/confuse my impression of who I believe I am, and now? Let's just say perception is only a fraction of reality.

So I've decided that in this season of completion ("Thought…, 11/22/10"), it is imperative (and divine) that I mentally/emotionally revisit some "places" – past and the more present – and make an accurate assessment of how those "places" have operated in my life/how they dictate some of the things I do. My mama told me not to be too hard on myself and I assured her that I would not be. But I do have to be honest with myself about me.

Several times before, I've sought to get at the truth of who I am, and I've been pretty successful in coming up with answers and living this self – for the time being. As God graces you with the privilege of aging and you learn more about yourself, it's necessary to align what you're learning with what you already know, throw out what's false/propaganda, and be about the business of presenting your most authentic self – for the time being. Since we're always in the process of becoming/evolving/shedding, whether it's conscious or automatic, the need to take another good look keeps your feet on the arrow of purpose. If you don't take a look, you may become inundated/overburdened with basket full of maybes and possibilities/assumed roles/lots of false pretense/a bit of make-believe/confusion/self-betrayal/shame, and all that is hard to undo/recover from.

Trust on that…

Matthew 22:39 says that we should love others as we love ourselves, which means we have to love ourselves before we can really love anybody else. Of course part being able to love yourself is because you know who you are. Without this knowledge, truly loving isn't possible or, it's at least very hard to do.

And, loving somebody else? Geez, that's a whole 'nother set of "Thoughts" in and of themselves! Let's focus on the "easier" part first.

Not only must you know yourself to love yourself and others, you must also ACCEPT yourself, and for some of us, therein lies the problem. It's easy to accept the good attributes, the things that make us wonderful and pleasing to others, but what about the not-so-good things that just make you who you are? Yeah, you're very thoughtful in the ways that you care for your family and friends; ooh, but the way you gossip! Or, you are absolutely ingenious in the way you come up with solutions to tough challenges; but that smart-alecky way you present them leaves a lot to be desired! And even though the not-so-good stuff may be things you can change, knowing/acknowledging that they have made you who you are is just as important as pointing out/crediting the good. Tyra Banks said, "You've got to learn to accept the fool in you as well as the part that's got it goin' on."

Yes. Tyra Banks. That's my source and I'm sticking to it.

It's tough to begin/begin again the process of knowing/accepting/loving yourself, especially with all the noise around you. But you can't always go to the mountain or retreat to the country to spend quiet, reflective time with yourself. Most of us get to do it while taking care of the family, working, and all the other stuff we do, and lots of times we get sidetracked/overwhelmed/unintentionally drawn in to the lives of others which leaves us not doing the continual/immeasurable work necessary for introspection and assessment. We ultimately leave ourselves out, grasping at what works for now and what will cause the least amount of adjustment/conflict/explaining.

But then you realize that you've taken the short end of the stick and you're trying to stir everything in your life with it. Your life is just too big for that disproportionate little stem.

Over the years, I've learned that knowing/accepting/loving myself isn't just about what I like and where I want to go, that's just a part of it. It's about knowing why I like what I do and why I want to get where I want to go. That's the work, trying to figure out the motivations behind who you are. And if those motivations/cause/triggers are ordered by the past – and maybe a past that is not so great, geez, that's harder work to do.

But you gotta start somewhere. And today… or tomorrow. No later than that. It's almost a new year and you gotta get some stuff finished, remember?

In the knowing thyself process, maybe you have to take a look at that gossiping habit and realize how it's caused people to stop confiding in you, something you value. You're going to have to pick apart/dissect the reasons why you've felt the need to gossip and what basic need it serves for you. And maybe once you figure that out, you've tackled a portion of the battle toward replacing this habit with something more virtuous and beneficial to you and everybody in your life.

Or maybe really knowing yourself is a bit more challenging and requires the skill of professional to help you unravel some things that may be guiding (crucifying!) your impressions of yourself and influencing every move you make. You have to be honest/gentle enough with yourself to know how much you can do and when help is required. Honor the self you want to know, accept, and love by getting the helpful support you need.

Because once you get there, oh, how sweet! Actually, the journey's not so bad either if you keep your eyes on the prize – self actualization/clarity/peace. Right now, I'm feeling pretty empowered by the journey.

The goal is to ...

The goal is to ... act on what is possible, to trust that time will unfold and life will ripen and that where you are now is not where you'll be forever.
-- Martha Sheehy

Where you are now is not where you will be forever… unless there is where you want to stay.

You CAN stay stuck/trapped/fixed/frozen in the place you are. It's comfortable and you know how to move around the 4 corners of that place. Everything in the space where you are is familiar/predictable and only requires that you keep showing up there for it to exist. Nothing in that place you're standing in looks any different today than it did yesterday, and you know without a doubt, tomorrow will look the same. The place you're in has everything you need for you to keep feeling/doing as you do and anything more would be too much for you to handle/receive/believe in. That's all you want. That's all you know. So, stay there.

But, you gotta know – you'll always be there by yourself. No one and nothing can get into the place/exist where you're stuck. And, in the place you're stuck, there's no fruit/ harvest/profit/growth/increase/change/help/steps forward/contentment/choice because there's no life. And where there's no life, there's no breath. And where's there's no breath/air, there's death. To stay stuck there means that you die in 4 monotonous corners, gulping down the staleness of gloom/sameness, wrapping yourself tightly in isolation and seclusion, denying yourself the pleasures/privileges of life given to you faithfully just because. Certainly, you've got to want to live.

Jesus came so that you could enjoy life in overflowing abundance (John 10:10), so that you could have the desires of your heart (Psalm 21:2), and so that you could bless others with the life Elohim graciously/mercifully/ selflessly gave you (Mark 12:31). To do otherwise spits in the face of the One who gave you life in the first place.

But, if you believe that you were created for more than those 4 walls of lifelessness; trust fully that all things are possible to him who believes (Mark 9:23); and want more than what's happening right here, right now, then you shall have it (Matthew 9:29). Because, again, where you are now is not where you will be forever.The Quester in Ecclesiastes reminds us that there is "nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil (2:24). Truly that is a TALL/seemingly impossible, foolish, and disingenuous order for you who is accustomed to ducking out of life's enjoyment. But it's an order nonetheless. And because it's an order, you must mindfully step away from your glumness and watch with reverence how life unfolds into something beautiful and whole.

How in the hey does anyone find "enjoyment in his toil?" you ask. Well, first you must believe your toil is only for a season – not here to stay/a period of time/preparation period/maturation phase – in order that you may be spiced/treated/given zest to, after which time you will be cured/ready for use/tempered/suitable, fit, and appropriate/savored. You must believe that when this, too, shall pass you will be like "…pure gold put through the fires… proved pure" (1 Peter 1:6).

Remembering that this is just a season and that Jehovah Shalom (God of peace) did not create you to suffer helps you to live with gratitude for what each moment brings. Remembering that things won't always be this way helps you to ask God to give you the strength/grace to endure it and learn whatever it is you should while you're going through it. You get to watch God purify your faith/heart/intentions/life so that you can really be like Jesus.

And while you're watching/waiting for the unfolding of the revelations/evolutions in your season, you are constantly/consistently contributing to God's Kingdom by being kind to yourself in health, thought, and speech; serving/connecting with others; relying of the presence of Jehovah Shammah (God is present) to guide/confirm/help/console/empower you; and refusing to focus solely on what had you stuck to begin with. And, if what has had you stuck requires seeking professional help, for your sake and the Kingdom of God, get that help.

In your season, Elohim will "fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy." (Job 8:21). And, although, you're human and you'll have moments where it just aches/confuses/constricts too badly for you to laugh/smile/focus on the lesson/the good/God, it's okay because you have people around you who love you enough to travail/cry/be angry/feel it with you, people God put there specifically for that purpose. And because God put them in your life/equipped them for this reason, to not use them/reach for them again spits in the face of the One who gave you life in the first place.

Because this season is not forever/because life is too short to not live it well and whole/because your purpose is wasted in despair, you must act on what is possible (abundant life) and know things will get better and a new day will dawn because that's what God promised. The season may be long/hard, but you won't miss out the good things/miracles/blessings God gave you in/for the meantime.

Let the peace of Christ rule on your hearts

Let the peace of Christ rule on your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.
-- Colossians 3:15

When I got this "Verse of the Day" early this morning, in no way was I feeling thankful. As a matter of fact, what I was feeling this morning was so irreverent and cynical, if I told you how I really felt, you might block my emails, call me a hypocrite/fraud, and burn every last "Thought…" you'd ever received from me.

And peaceful? Yeah. Whatever.

Okay, maybe it wasn't that bad… maybe. But I was having a hard time with the ideas of "thankful" and "peace."

I'm not sure where my energies were during those sacred and hallowed hours before the alarm went off/don't know where my unconscious had been, but when the alarm went off and I turned over to smack it – yes, this morning I smacked! the alarm – this verse was waiting for me via email on my phone. As is my custom – with one eye open and adjusting to the brightness of the little screen – I read the verse and several other morning meditations before getting out of bed. None of them did anything to eject/reject that "whatever" feeling. "Yeah, thanks for waking me up this morning, Lord, and thanks for letting me have a good night's sleep, Jesus. Thanks for that baby girl of mine, and, oh yeah that job. Thanks, Father, for all those people who love me, but G-o-d, I just ain't feelin' it this morning, and I surely can't fake it."

You remember how Winnie the Pooh's friend Eeyore went about the Hundred Acre Wood as a gloomy and melancholy donkey, rarely optimistic about anything, and mostly dispassionate about everything? Eeyore was so pessimistic/cynical/gray that he looked at himself in the stream, thought his reflection "pitiful," crossed the river, looked again, and thought "no better from this side." That's how I felt this morning.

And there are just some mornings/days that it's just that way. Where "so what?" is your mantra and "whatever" is the theme. Is that a bad thing? Well, it depends.

If every day is lackluster and you can find no joy, no matter how brightly Jesus shines it in your face, and you can't even "fake it 'til you make it," perhaps you're in a little deeper than is typical and that's a bad thing. And, if to you, Eeyore sounds like an optimist, or he's "just keepin' it real," something isn't right deep down in your psyche and it's time to get some help.

Now most days I'm like Tigger, pouncing on everything and full of drive and enthusiasm. Some days, I'm like Rabbit who is very busy and on the go, forgetting to even stop and take in all that I should be thankful for/am at peace about. Today, though, Eeyore was my guide.

And it would be hours before I felt differently.

Hours because I forgot that God has called me into obedience, no matter how I feel.

Jeremiah 11:4-5 (MSG) says, "Obey what I tell you. Do exactly what I command you. Your obedience will close the deal. You'll be mine and I'll be yours. This will provide the conditions in which I will be able to do what I promised your ancestors: to give them a fertile and lush land. And, as you know, that's what I did…" No matter what, as a Christ follower/student/lover, my obligation is to do as He says. If Elohim says to drop everything and follow Him, I must do so. If Jehovah Jireh (the God who provides) told me to quit my job and trust Him, my mustard seed faith would be charged and activated because I would have to quit in order to be obedient to His command. God told me to be peaceful and thankful – and even, and especially when, I didn't feel like doing so this morning. My obligation was to find a way to be peaceful and thankful. Not mope around and be stank all day.

I heard a minister say yesterday that being thankful doesn't mean you don't have problems, it just means you can face your problems with a better attitude and disposition. If only I had remembered that while I was reading this morning, perhaps I'd have been able to paint this day more glorious.

A few hours ago, I reread the verse, read it in different translations and prayed about having the peace of Jesus reign in my heart no matter what I'm feeling. And the more I read it, the more I prayed on it, the more it began to take hold of my heart because, in fact, that's what peace does – it rules your heart and makes it content/cheerful /satisfied/worry-free. And when your heart feels like that, you have no choice but to be thankful!

So, tomorrow morning, when the alarm sounds and I roll over to quiet it, I will read my "verse of the day" in ready obedience/deference/agreement. I may even turn on the light.

This perfection is the restoration of man to the state of holiness

This perfection is the restoration of man to the state of holiness from which he fell, by creating him anew in Christ Jesus, and restoring to him that image and likeness of God which he has lost.
-- Adam Clarke

The number 10 is phenomenal.It represents the perfection of Divine order; ordinal perfection, where numeration becomes anew; rebirth; fulfillment; completion of a cycle; closure. Ten is the number for wisdom and unity, because it contains the essence of all the numbers - one to nine - within it and, therefore, all things and possibilities.
Ten represents the Trinity (3) and creation (7 days), or God and all His work. God gave His people Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:3 – 17). The Lord's Prayer is completed in ten clauses (Luke 11:2-4). Ten plagues beset Egypt (Exodus, Chapters 7-10). To God, we give back a tenth of our first fruits (Leviticus 27:30), and the Holy Spirit descended upon the apostles ten days after the Ascension of Jesus which we know as Pentecost (Acts 2:1-6).

The Romans represent 10 as X, the perfect figure. There are 10 days of atonement between the Jewish High Holidays of Rosh Hashanah to Yom Kippur. For the Chinese, 10 denotes the uncountable, the manifestation of "whole," and in the ancient Maya civilization, 10 symbolizes the end of a cycle and the beginning of another. Scoring perfectly is a "prefect 10." We slowly and deliberately count to 10 to cool our anger before we speak. Interstate 10 runs coast to coast, all the way from Florida to California, and we generally have 10 fingers in which to do God's work and 10 toes to stand before Him.

In 2010, I turned 42 which was always a number I referenced in 2006 – 4 years ago – regarding my money ("Terry, I want to make $42,000 now!). If I add the numbers in my birthdate, employing the concepts of numerology – 3+2+8+1+9+6+8 = 37 then add 3+7 – I get a 10. The positive traits of 10 – inspiring leader/creative/efficient/determined/pioneer. Sounds like me! Negative tendencies of 10 – stubborn/disconsolate/jealous. (((Sigh)))… that's me, too.I explain all this to say – I anticipate/celebrate/claim! that there are things that will be completed/brought to fullness and fruition/made whole in my life in 2010 so that I may begin again/be born again/be restored in the new year. And, wherever you have found yourself in this year of completion, you, too, can anticipate, celebrate and claim! conclusion/fulfillment/realization/renewal/and, best of all, fresh starts.

Today, right now, I believe that everything we've negatively experienced/suffered/belabored through/toiled with is getting ready to come to a close. I believe all the taking apart and the tearing down we've done to ourselves/our lives is coming to an end so that we can begin to repair/heal/restore. All the horrific and vile stuff is coming out and off in droves, heaps, and in bulk so that we can be free for reconciliation with the will of God, fulfill our life's purpose liberated from/uninhibited by what has weighed/depressed us down to the dumps, and be rightfully/righteously reinstated to the title of God's chosen ones.It's taken us some years and experiences to get to this place, and, OMG!, are we ready to leave behind that which does not bless, exalt, and honor. I am READY with full artillery to dismantle/bulldoze/crush (back) to the bowels of hell – that's where this stuff came from anyway – everything that has been immoral/dishonest/self-indulgent/childish/insincere/deceitful/a sham/excessive/foolish/reckless/risky/offensive/disgraceful/distasteful/base/forbidden/subject to the wrath of God/slated for death. Oh for a new day!

No wonder there's been no order! What a tangled web!But wait, there've also been some genuine experiences/gifts that have been great/awesome/fantastic and there is absolutely no way we desire for those things to cease. They won't; they'll get better! Like in the Parable of the Talents (Matthew 25:14-30), those whose experiences and gifts were especially used for the good of/to further the Kingdom of God, more will be added unto you! The great things will become fabulous and the fantastic, magnanimous!

Now, while the examination of the number 10 and its significance may be a little too new age and incredulous to you, you can believe this – nothing in this world/in our lives occurs by coincidence; there is Divine providence in/to everything. God's omniscience brings it ALL to pass/order. And while God's timing is His own and nothing can change that, He has given us mystical breadcrumbs in the forms of numbers and stars to do more than light the night and help us count our money. Everything under the sun "…get[s] properly fixed and fit together in vibrant harmonies..." (Colossians 1:20; MSG). Everything in the universe works together to restore us to purge us of our failures and return us to our original "state of holiness." Jeremiah 31:25 (MSG) says, "I'll refresh tired bodies; I'll restore tired souls." Titus 3:3-8 (MSG) says, "It wasn't so long ago that we ourselves were stupid and stubborn, dupes of sin, ordered every which way by our glands, going around with a chip on our shoulder, hated and hating back. But when God, our kind and loving Savior God, stepped in, he saved us from all that. It was all his doing; we had nothing to do with it. He gave us a good bath, and we came out of it new people, washed inside and out by the Holy Spirit. Our Savior Jesus poured out new life so generously. God's gift has restored our relationship with him and given us back our lives. And there's more life to come—an eternity of life! You can count on this."

I believe we have arrived with our stuff at the place of completion. The period of demise/ruin/death is over, Halleluiah! 2010 is almost over and 2011 awaits our clarity, wholeness, and sparkle. Shed what afflicts/convicts, leave it at this place. Usher in the revival/rekindled spirit and get ready for a new start!I'm ready!

By the way, both the words "completion" and "perfection" have 10 letters…

Not being able to govern events, I govern myself

Not being able to govern events, I govern myself, and apply myself to them, if they will not apply themselves to me.
--Michel de Montaigne

My kid provides fine fodder for these here "Thoughts…,." Or maybe being a parent makes for the good feed…

At school on Wednesday, she had a "challenging" day in her Spanish class and ultimately brought home a "red" which means she broke a phenomenal rule or an extraordinary number of rules and, in most cases, your parent has to be called. Bless her teacher, he didn't call me. He probably heard my rage over the phone the last time my kid had to call me and report her behavior. Bless him for saving this child while she was at school.

But she had to come home. Upon my learning of the red and the reasons for it, I immediately pulled the brown truck over and flew into my rage – the one she missed earlier. After letting her know that this behavior – rolling her eyes (disrespecting) a teacher/any adult – was unacceptable, I asked her why she had acted the way she did. She said the teacher was yelling at her and disrespecting her.

Alright, before you ol' school folks say, "but you're a child and she's an adult and you don't, yada, yada, yada…", be very clear that I said all that. And very loudly. So loudly that I heard myself and I did not like what I heard.

I told her just what you said, that an adult is to be respected. Period. And I told her that no matter what, she is supposed to get herself together, no matter what anybody says or does to her. And just like a smack in the face, it hit me that the way I was approaching this situation was wrong. That the things I was saying –er, yelling at her, were wrong. I needed to take a step back.

I explained to my baby – first and foremost, she is my baby – birthed of me, nurtured inside me, connected to me, and really, on loan yet entrusted to me. And although I did not like her behavior, my behavior at that moment was appalling and excessive. My responsibility to her is to teach her/show her how to make better choices. After all, the last time I disrespected somebody, God didn't get in my face and yell at me/try to shame me to stop my spiteful conduct. Where was my compassion in teaching? Where was the compassion for my child?

So I explained to my baby that, yes, adults were to be respected, but that as a human being, she deserved respect as well. Whether it was a teacher or me, her parent, we were obliged to show her kindness and respect. Ephesians 5:21 (MSG) states that "out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another." That means young, old, rich, poor, dirty, immaculate, whatever, out of respect for Jesus, we must respect/be polite/favorable/positive to one another.

But then I told my GG that everybody doesn't feel this way or know this or remember to act this way at all times. I told her sometimes people allow the stuff going on around them make them forget that everybody is to be respected. Being a School Counselor and working with teachers, students, and their parents, I know firsthand that it's easy to forget that even kids should be respected. We were taught as children to be seen, not heard and told to respect our elders. Rarely did we hear that we as children should be respected, too. So then what happens is only natural to us humans – when you feel disrespected/disregarded/mistreated, you lash out. My baby's lashing out cost her losing lunch in the classroom, the chance to decide what we'll eat for dinner on Friday, a chance to (possibly) ever receive a fair shake from her Spanish teacher, and some of her own self-respect. That's a lot for a kid to lose. But…

I then told my joy that there would be many people for the rest of her life that may disrespect her in some way, and as long as they did not put their hands on her or attack her emotionally, it would serve her better if she walked away. By walking away, I mean just get quiet, hold your mouth, and if you can, physically walk on away. In the getting quiet and holding your mouth, you give the hostility just spewed time to resonate in the air and ricochet like soot back into their face. While you're quiet, you're praying for them, praying that they would be rescued from the enemy of disdain and derision. And you walk away/turn away because none of what was said or done was yours and you certainly don't want to be stained by the funk they sent out. You walk away letting them be foolish and marked by  themselves. 

Of course my 9 year-old was confused because to her, walking away meant you let them get away with dissin' you. So I reminded her of Luke 23:33-43 where Jesus, the ultimate walk-er away-er, was being crucified and how the crowd incessantly mocked and teased him, saying "if you're really who you say you are, save yourself!" I told her, Jesus could have done what she did; He could have come off that cross and knocked every last one of them sandal-wearing suckers out with just the roll of His eyes. But He chose – He chose – not to simply because there was something greater that was supposed to happen. He knew what He was there for and He knew there was nothing that could stop it. He knew that it must happen in order that we – me, her, the Spanish teacher, and everybody else – be free of/forgiven for our failures and could have life eternally.

So He let them say whatever they wanted and near the end, He asked His Father to forgive them because they didn't have a clue what they were doing. I told my precious lamb that her task, one of the hardest she would ever have to practice, was to act in this same way. Not because she was supposed to be a martyr or victim, but because she was called to a higher purpose/use/end. I reminded her that her current job was to be the best student she could be, to never give less than her best, and to think about the bigger picture – getting home without hearing mama's mouth. Okay, no, hearing God say, "well done, my child."

Yeah, this was a big one for my kid, a lesson in self-control and compassion that requires higher order thinking and the removal of Self, which she is growing capable of. But God's working on both of us, helping us to get ourselves together in the right way/walk away, and, tomorrow will be another day.

May He grant you according to your heart's desire

May He grant you according to your heart's desire, and fulfill all your purpose.
-- Psalm 20:4 (NKJV)

My daughter thinks I'm a little loony tunes – which, in some cases, may be true. But I'm not loony tunes for the reasons she thinks.

Every few days or so, there appears a new post-it note on the bathroom mirror or on the hallway wall or on my closet door. Each of them have on them some thought I've run across that speaks to me in some way. Posting them in these different places is not only to remind me to stay encouraged/strong/intentional/attentive, but I also hope she'll read them and something will resonate in her heart and mind, too.

Most of the time she just looks at me like I must be going through something.

But this morning, she asked about the Psalm 20:4 verse that's written on a glaring green sticky in the bathroom. After asking me for the umpteenth time why I stuck it on the bathroom mirror ("so I can see it when I look at myself" was my answer… ), she asked what it meant – with that "what-you-goin'-through?" look. While brushing her hair, I told her that there are many things in life I want; things, that if I had them, my heart would sing. I told her that if the things I wanted were aligned with God's desires for my life, that I would have them. For her edification I added that if the things that I wanted were out of God's sphere – His grace/approval/command, then they had no business being anything I should want.

Of course she grilled me, asking me about things like exercising regularly (my desire to keep my temple fit and in good repair); love (my desire to have and maintain a healthy and long-lasting covenant relationship); work (my desire to perform meaningful work); and, one of my very favorite desires, a good cup of coffee. I passed her quiz, especially about that coffee…

Later in the day, I thought about my explanation of the Psalm 20:4 verse and I realized that while I explained the first part (May He grant you according to your heart's desire), I forgot to explain the "b" part (and fulfill all your purpose).

The "b" part. How could I forget to explain the "b" part?

Because I seem to have forgotten that part myself.

"… your purpose."

Seems like a few years ago – maybe 10 of them – I had that understanding of my purpose thing down pat. Someone had given me Rick Warren's book, "Purpose Driven Life" and I read some of it, flipped through to the most interesting parts, and jotted ideas and thoughts in the margins. I formed what I believed was a solid explanation of my purpose. I knew what I wanted from life, what I wanted to give life, and exactly how I would do it. Okay, maybe that's not all true, but, I had some idea… I think.

Now? Now… Oh, now, I can say I have since given away that Rick Warren book, primarily because of the controversies that surround him, but also because it wasn't necessary for me to consult a book about my purpose. At least not that book. I just needed to ask myself some thoughtful questions and think really hard about who I am and how I show that while I read THE book – the Bible.

(That may have been in Rick Warren's book, but, honestly, I never got past the first few chapters.)

When I asked/ask myself, in relation to who God said I am, "what is it I would want people to say about me at my funeral?" and "if money and failure were of no consequence, what would I do?,"my answers led/lead me to do just what I'm doing now – encouraging and inspiring (at least that's what I pray I'm doing). Once I look past my job and daily responsibilities – which do have elements of "encouraging and inspiring" attached to them, thank you Jesus, or I really wouldn't be able to get out of the bed – I am able to really get at why God put me here in the first place and set goals to actualize that purpose or life mission.

A lot of times we get bogged down in the everyday stuff and forget to look at the big picture. Proverbs 16:4 (MSG) says that "God made everything with a place and purpose; even the wicked are included—but for judgment." Certainly our purpose on earth is not to mournfully wake each morning, get ready for work, work, come home, feed the family, watch a little television, then go to bed and start again with the same routine the next day. If that's all we were made for, what would be the point? Everything here on earth has a purpose for being.

The big picture is that we are here to fulfill God's purposes, and, of course, the only way to fulfill those purposes is to get to know God. When you come to know God – which we're all in the process of doing because we'll never fully know El-Olam (Everlasting God) – your life/life-work becomes revealed to you and the purposes for which you are here become clearer, though constantly becoming refined. And, then, perhaps your purpose informs/shapes your heart's desires, or at least the desires of your heart help you to fulfill your purpose, so, ultimately they go hand in hand. The heart desires are the goals, per se, that fulfill the life mission.

That being the case, then everything in your life has to be pointed in one direction – toward your purpose, and anything that does not follow the lines of the arrow is just plain junk/waste.

Maybe I didn't forget to tell ye old skeptical baby girl the "b" part after all. But it is imperative that I go back and make it clear.

I will now prepare myself for that "what-you-goin'-through-now?" look.

I wanted God to speak to me

I wanted God to speak to me, but I didn't want God to confront me.

-- Renita J. Weems, “Listening for God”

Be careful what you ask for…

For some time, I’ve been trying to cultivate in my life what Solomon asked God for – a “hearing heart” (1 Kings 3:9 AMP). A hearing heart is one that discerns right from wrong and good from bad. A hearing heart hears the voice of God without difficulty or interference, and even when other things and people are blaring and relentless, a hearing heart can censor the noise and distinguish/ sense/understand the voice of Truth.

On most days – okay, at certain times of the day – my heart hears God’s voice well. I’ve driven to and from work with no radio or CD playing simply experiencing the quietude of the conversations God and I have. Bath time – and bathroom time – has taken on a new meaning because of the opportunity for private communion with God, and I have no idea what comes on television after 9pm because I’d rather be hearing/listening to what I AM has to say to me.

But, I say again, be careful what you ask for, because as peaceful and composed as Jehovah Shalom is, He sure can get loud and rowdy!

Rev. Jamal Bryant, in his “DON’T MISUNDERSTAND WHAT HE IS SAYING” Bible study, said that when God is getting ready to talk to you/work on you/clear some stuff up, things in your life begin to shift; sometimes your life and every comfort you’ve known/believed in begins to fall apart/fall away/fall open. He said when God gets ready to really speak to you on your life for your life, He will begin to deal with your conscience about your stuff. Bryant said when God’s got something to say to you that will call you to task/transform your life/reveal His plan/make known your purpose/bless you beyond your mind’s eye, you can best believe you will hear Him and hear Him clearly.

It’s easy for us when we simply talk to God about comforting us, protecting us, bringing us through the darkness, giving us the desires of our hearts, and forgiving us for our conscious and unwitting failings. And God hears us at all times, whatever we pray. And He responds, but sometimes in ways that cause us to tremble/feel convicted/require us to change our ways. What we hear from God/what God shows us in response to our calls isn’t always what we want to hear. In fact, it’s sometimes so counter to what we believed we would hear or what we believe we deserve, we pretend we didn’t hear and keep going about our little business. Until we talk to God again about our lives, asking “please, Jesus please.” And God says the same things again and again …

… until He finally doesn’t say anything.

Remember how your mama told you to do something over and over, and you kept acting like you didn’t hear her, so she got tired and fed up with your trifling butt and eventually took a belt switch to it?

God doesn’t get fed up with us – I don’t think. But He does get silent until we get obedient. And that silence can feel like a butt whipping!

1 John 3:22 (KJV) says that “whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight.” When we finally get obedient and faithfully let God do in us the work that needs to be done, then that which we ask is given to us “…exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think…” (Ephesians 3:20 KJV)

God’s gotta say what God’s gotta say and we humans seeking everlasting life have to hear the truth/be called out about the serious stuff in our lives. And really, where else would we get it? Who else do we know that’s even bold enough/bad enough/righteous enough to tell us the truth of our lives? There’s not anybody but El Roi (the God who sees) who even knows that truth.

And, there’s also no one who could take your truth, love you/ shape you through it, and hand it back to you new, holy, and pleasing in His sight.

So I ask with no heed – Lord, speak to me as you will, for I desire to be a new creature in You.

My barn burnt down...

My barn burnt down... but now I can see the moon.

--- Zen

This is Part 2 to yesterday’s “Thought…,” (“weeping may endure… but rejoicing…”). You didn’t know there’d be a Part 2, huh? Neither did I.

I wrote these 3 very long pages about going through the darkness of night to get to the refreshment of the morning, and while it’s true/a fact/God’s promise that morning does come after you’ve conscientiously travailed through the night and after you’ve pulled up the weeds you’ve erroneously and improperly tended and after you’ve mystically received salve to heal/reconcile/fix the wounds of inner and outer destruction, it doesn’t mean you can’t also find and have joyfulness/cheerfulness/optimism/resilience while in the dark.

Joy in the dark? Cheerfulness when all this mess abounds? Geez, how Pollyannaish.

It may be. But let’s look at it from another angle.

Proverbs 15:13 (MSG) says, “A cheerful heart brings a smile to your face; a sad heart makes it hard to get through the day.” Proverbs 15:15 (MSG) says, “A miserable heart means a miserable life; a cheerful heart fills the day with song.” Then, Proverbs 17:22 (MSG) says “A cheerful disposition is good for your health; gloom and doom leave you bone-tired. And Jesus, the One who had every right to be sad and stay sad, said in John 16:33 (KJV), “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”

Nothing Pollyannaish about that. That’s the truth!

Between the night and the morning is time – time to reveal, examine, and heal. And while those can be/are often tedious processes, God still requires that we “take heart” – have courage; be confident, certain, and undaunted (AMP). God requires that we be cheerful, trusting that He is always present and working on our behalf. God insists that in the period of time between the dark and the sunrise, we show gladness so that others might see and believe, and God wants you praise and worship Him even when the space between sadness and joy is so overwhelming, the last thing you want to do is praise, let alone open your mouth to say anything positive!

Think on (read!) Acts 16:16-40. Paul recounts that he and Silas were arrested for “disturbing the peace,” beaten then thrown into jail, practically naked, with a bunch of criminals. He says they (he and Silas; the prisoners couldn’t see how they could do such a thing) spent the night praying and vibrantly singing songs of praise and hymns of joy to God and, as they were lifting these powerful exaltations, an earthquake came and burst open the jail freeing them all if they so chose (of course, they didn’t leave, and they even introduced the weary jailer and his family to Jesus). But you see, even in the midst of persecution/abuse/cold-bloodedness/ neglect/heartlessness/unkindness/disrespect/unrest, you still have to be cheerful, thankful, and worshipful because in spite of it all, God’s got you.

That means you have to see the glass as half full, and you have to believe that, even though everyday is not a good day, there’s something good in every day. Maybe you lost your job. That’s devastating! But now you have time to start your own business! Maybe the power company cut your lights off. It’s cold outside! But now you get to cuddle with your honey or your kids and spend quality time together singing and praising God for one another! Maybe you don’t have a dime in the bank. Payday is not for another 8 days and you ain’t bought no food! But you do have some staples and a mean recipe for eggs, potatoes and a small piece of fish! And that barn? Sheesh, who needs a barn these days anyway? Sit back and enjoy the moon and the stars and whatever else God put out there in the universe. That’s probably what God wanted you to do anyway.

Aha! God wants you to sit back (be still) and take notice of what He put here for you to take notice of/experience/enjoy, not worry about the nooks and crannies between night and daylight. God’s got that.

Bishop Walter Hawkins sang, “Don’t wait ‘til the battle is over, shout now! You know in the end you’re gonna win.” So if you know that when it’s over you’ll be okay – better than okay with Jesus – why let sadness be your travel companion as you journey through to day? Don’t wait ‘til later when the stuff is no more and all pretty and fixed up. Right now, be of good cheer; know that Elohim is Jehovah Shammah (He’s there) and Jehovah Shalom (He is peace). Shout now while it’s dark.

… Weeping may stay for the night

… Weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

-- Psalm 30:5b

I’m such a literal, straightforward, matter-of-fact, black-and-white thinker.

All of my life, I’ve read the Psalm 30:5 passage (For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. NIV) and listened as preachers and scholars of the Word translated the verse and put it in us laypeople terms so that we could live our lives to receive the joy that comes when the sun rises. All my life, I’ve lived perched on the words of that scripture, believing that even if I cried all night long, in the morning, all my tears would have literally dried up (along with the dampness on my pillow) and, mystically, joy would greet me upon the opening of my eyes.

All of my years, I have imagined that overnight – between midnight and 5:00 a.m. – God took my stuff and changed it into something wonderful and manageable so that when I woke, things would be different and I could genuinely smile all day, walk in boldness and act victoriously. I have believed that just as dawn breaks and the birds tune up to sing, God has wiped my troubles away with the snap of His mighty fingers and I would be troubled no more. At the beginning of my day, I have banked on the belief that even after a sleepless or restless night, I would wake refreshed, renewed, and ready for the world outside the comfort of my warm blankets because God had magically, miraculously, and supernaturally transformed my issues, situations, and circumstances. I believed that the problems, sadness, questions, and multitude of obstacles I’d endured were captured in the protective web of the Chickasaw dream catcher that sways above my bed, dissipated at the first sign of daylight, and only delight encircled and swaddled me as I’ve lifted my head from the pillow. I hypothesized that the Psalmist meant last night, at 10:00 p.m., I hurt, but this morning, at 5:00 a.m., sorrow no longer seized me. Instead, there is only joy.

Well, the Psalmist was right, absolutely right. But my fatal and human assumption was that the joy I needed, was seeking, had pined for, would instantaneously appear, be there for me, when I woke the next day.

And that it would appear with no action on my part.

Confession – and geez, is it good for the Soul: I have approached the magnificent ways of God as though He was a magician. Laugh, poke fun and SMH at me if you want to, but let’s get honest – at least let me get honest. I have believed – as some of you have – that God held a magic wand and would wave it as He saw fit, sprinkling the pixie dust of blessings on those who believed in His awesome Power. When I was younger – both in years and in the Word – I believed He waved that enchanted wand of His over my life all the time. Certainly I can look around and see how I have been blessed, and these blessings come only from God.

But, God is not some hocus pocus, open sesame, magic show conjuror who grants wishes and casts spells. That’s not who God is.

Don’t get me wrong. God does do some magic stuff. Just look outside at the billowy clouds suspended throughout the perfect blue of the sky. Watch as the leaves fall from the trees that only 6 or 7 months ago birthed them. Yeah, maybe you planted the tree but you didn’t make it miraculously know how to produce leaves. Think about how your heart knows to beat, your lungs to breathe, your blood to flow, and your brains to think. Think about how your intuition, instinct, discernment and the voice in your head let you know what’s right and what should be aborted. All that ain’t nothing but magic – or mystical, or supernatural, or unexplainable. It’s just not abracadabra-ish, and God doesn’t change your life by saying “presto-chango.” That’s not who God is. That’s not how God operates.

Sigh…

Yet, God does change your life. God does dry your tears. God does replace the tears with joy, and God does do it in the morning.

But the morning is not (always) 5:00 a.m. tomorrow morning; tomorrow morning may not be the day your change comes. Tonight your weeping may be loud, unrelenting, and bottomless; tomorrow morning, the weeping may still be loud and guttural because tomorrow is not THE day your liberation from what causes you to wail will come. But your liberation, deliverance, relief from the lamentations of your life will come “in the morning.”

See, what I’m learning – after years of believing otherwise – is that, yes, the morning is free of needless trouble, but ONLY AFTER you’ve fully disinterred the roots of your nighttime; consciously, truthfully and unhurriedly studied your Self in relation to the darkness; and found long-lasting remedy for and unwavering peace from what ails you. Getting to morning free of despair means going in and confessing that you are confused, clueless, cynical, and skeptical about making love work because you never saw loving and mutually satisfying relationships exemplified. It may mean that you have to concede that your self-worth and self-respect are jacked-up because of the unhealthy, destructive, and unaffirming ways you’ve used sex to find, replace, create love and intimacy, realizing that your understanding of sexual relations is something that the media and the streets convinced you was true.

Getting through the nighttime to daylight may mean digging in to realize that the accumulation of your debt is because somebody told you or made you feel long ago that you weren’t good enough, and so to be good enough, you bought stuff to show you were good enough and you kept buying and buying and buying until you were in over your head. Getting to morning may mean that what mama’s boyfriend, the man next door, the lady who needed her grass cut (no pun intended), the sitter, or your cousin did to you made you feel worthless, like you weren’t enough and now you must psychically revisit every relationship – work and personal – and habit to decipher the adverse patterns that have shattered your peace and dictated every aspect of your life.

It’s in the darkness of the nighttime that you must shed the pain of all that was done and trust the One greater than all that has happened to get you to the morning. To come through the darkness to the light of morning, you’ve got to get as close to the starting places as you can and allow God to strip search you; do some heart, brain, and Soul surgery; burn off the stench of fleshly living; heal the scars; then set you on holy feet poised for the new day that only He can bring to light.

So, being able to rejoice in the morning (usually) takes longer than the hours between midnight and 5:00 a.m. because clearly what ails most of us is more than 5 hours worth of stuff to be delivered from. But, what’s great about the duration of hours – the often long waits for deliverance to joy – is that you release the idea of the magician with quick fixes and accept, exclusively lean on the love of the One who is Majesty, the only One who can deliver the morning time, the new day, the fresh start.

Yes, the weeping that lasts for a night, can last for many nights, weeks, years, even generations. It may seem that morning, the new and better day, may never come. But, it does, and it especially does if, while it’s nighttime, you trust God to reveal the stuff, walk with you, carry you, and keep watch on what He says to you as you call the mess out and deal with it, heal from it and forgive yourself (and others) for it.

And, if at every moment in the darkness of the night you’re going through, you can remind yourself that God understands your suffering and that He is supernaturally and mystically working on your behalf to ensure you live abundantly (richly, purposefully, and whole), then you can know without a doubt that weeping – pain, discomfort, distress, depression, you name it – may last for a long time, but rejoicing – joy, gladness, harvest, peace – does indeed come, show up, exist in the in the dawning of a new day.