Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people.
-- André Dubus
They’ll notice everything about me, they always do. They’ll see that one of my ears is higher than the other and that my left eyebrow is longer than the right. Damn, when I smile, my lips aren’t even... should I smile like this or should I show my teeth? Aw hell, look at those stains! Are they looking at my clothes? Aw hell, I think they’re commenting on how short I am? I wonder if they think I’ve got that “short-man’s” complex, or if because I’m short, everything about me is “short.” Y’know, I think I’ll just cancel this date/interview/night out with the boys. I’m not feeling my best.
Can you believe this guy, putting his life on hold because he’s concerned about what other people will see and think about him? Can you believe his modesty and bashfulness is keeping him from experiencing some of the joys of life?
Oh you can, huh? You say you’re sort of shy too, huh? Hopefully not to the point that you’d rather shut your life down, though.
Probably at the core, each of us carries a bit of shyness within us, a little modesty and caution about stepping out before others to show what we can do. On any given day, it’s sometimes difficult to leave your home, already self-conscious and ill at ease, to pass a group of people who, in your mind, are glaring at your long eyebrow, almost certainly listening to you intently to catch mistakes and misconstruction, and seemingly judging you for every flaw and lapse you have and make.
We do have a tendency to do those things, you know.
But you can rest assured that as you leave your home, self-consciously and all, others have done so as well, hoping to not be looked at too closely or judged erratically and unfavorably. Most of the people you come in contact with could care less about how you look; they’re caught up on their own hang-ups and barely have time to survey you. Some do, of course, and they do so because they’re either envious or jealous of you, or they’re admiring your style and taking mental notes so they can recreate it in themselves. At least it helps to think about it that way when you walk past their gazing eyes.
In the long run, though, you just have to realize and accept that human nature is to be peer. That’s just what we do. Set your shyness aside, do it despite the discomfort, and get the train moving so you can get the most out of life.
Sadiqqa © 2007
May 31, 2007
May 30, 2007
i want my stuff back/my rhythms and my voice/... who is this you left me wit/some simple bitch widda bad attitude/i want my things...
-- Ntozake Shange
At first glance, it appears you came out of that hurtful relationship unscathed, unblemished, and in fairly good shape. You seem to have made it over and through, and you’ve got 2 or 3 good lessons to share with the masses once you fully get on your feet.
But, something is missing. Some things you lost in the situations and circumstances of your experience with him. You lost some CDs (Marvin Gaye, gone; Incognito, gone; Fertile Ground, GONE!); he claimed those. A few books aren’t in your bookcase anymore (he was an avid reader, that’s why you stayed so long). He kept a few of your towels, pillow cases, and dishes, and he tore a page from your phone book (why that *%$!) But those are little things and you can go to the nearest department store and replace them (except the Fertile Ground CD!). But that’s not what’s missing.
Somewhere along the way, you lost you – who you started out being and who you were becoming. How you lost that and you were with your Self all along simply escapes you and blows your mind. Now you’ve got to do some searching to figure out where you’ve gone and who you are now.
With you went your self-respect, the trait that made it possible for you to always keep your head up and look yourself in the eye. Now you can’t find it and you presume you lost it after you hit rock bottom when you tried any-and-everything to please him and be with him and he left you writhing on the dirty floor drowning in tears and sweat. You had it, your self-respect. It must have dissolved in all those tears.
You’re missing your ability to trust again – both another man and yourself. You can’t trust a man to be and do what he says and you can’t trust yourself to discern the differences. You’ve instead picked up cynicism and doubt – traits you hadn’t had before, traits that were foreign to who you were. But since you can’t find that person anymore, it seems fitting that you’d also lose the trust and confidence you’d once possessed. You’re sure you had them. Now they’re gone.
Your money and the shirt off your back are gone, too. You’re guessing they left when you were trying to impress and keep him, when you bought him things to show him your love, then bought and spent more and more just to prove your love – and outdo the other Sista who was busy buying trying to prove her love to your man. You had money; now, it’s gone.
And you’re missing the ability to see yourself as loving and sensual. You’ve been yelling and nagging for so long, to even get anything sweet and sentimental to surface is a monumental effort in itself. You’ve lost the desire to even try it again, let alone even care that you can’t show any love. You had love, knew love. It’s gone now, and frankly, you don’t feel like looking for it.
But, really, all you want back is your peace, peace you had before the other losses. You figure if you just had your peace back, you could get the other stuff back, at least reinvent it. You want peace from thinking about the losses; peace from picking yourself up and trying to piece yourself back together when you have only limited recollection of who that was; and you want peace from the feelings of an injured heart.
No, on second thought, you want all your stuff back now. After all, it was yours and you didn’t mean to give it away. You didn’t even know you’d given it away until now.
Guess you didn’t get through it as cleanly as you thought after all.
Anyway, go get your stuff back!
And don’t forget to get that Fertile Ground CD!
Sadiqqa © 2007
-- Ntozake Shange
At first glance, it appears you came out of that hurtful relationship unscathed, unblemished, and in fairly good shape. You seem to have made it over and through, and you’ve got 2 or 3 good lessons to share with the masses once you fully get on your feet.
But, something is missing. Some things you lost in the situations and circumstances of your experience with him. You lost some CDs (Marvin Gaye, gone; Incognito, gone; Fertile Ground, GONE!); he claimed those. A few books aren’t in your bookcase anymore (he was an avid reader, that’s why you stayed so long). He kept a few of your towels, pillow cases, and dishes, and he tore a page from your phone book (why that *%$!) But those are little things and you can go to the nearest department store and replace them (except the Fertile Ground CD!). But that’s not what’s missing.
Somewhere along the way, you lost you – who you started out being and who you were becoming. How you lost that and you were with your Self all along simply escapes you and blows your mind. Now you’ve got to do some searching to figure out where you’ve gone and who you are now.
With you went your self-respect, the trait that made it possible for you to always keep your head up and look yourself in the eye. Now you can’t find it and you presume you lost it after you hit rock bottom when you tried any-and-everything to please him and be with him and he left you writhing on the dirty floor drowning in tears and sweat. You had it, your self-respect. It must have dissolved in all those tears.
You’re missing your ability to trust again – both another man and yourself. You can’t trust a man to be and do what he says and you can’t trust yourself to discern the differences. You’ve instead picked up cynicism and doubt – traits you hadn’t had before, traits that were foreign to who you were. But since you can’t find that person anymore, it seems fitting that you’d also lose the trust and confidence you’d once possessed. You’re sure you had them. Now they’re gone.
Your money and the shirt off your back are gone, too. You’re guessing they left when you were trying to impress and keep him, when you bought him things to show him your love, then bought and spent more and more just to prove your love – and outdo the other Sista who was busy buying trying to prove her love to your man. You had money; now, it’s gone.
And you’re missing the ability to see yourself as loving and sensual. You’ve been yelling and nagging for so long, to even get anything sweet and sentimental to surface is a monumental effort in itself. You’ve lost the desire to even try it again, let alone even care that you can’t show any love. You had love, knew love. It’s gone now, and frankly, you don’t feel like looking for it.
But, really, all you want back is your peace, peace you had before the other losses. You figure if you just had your peace back, you could get the other stuff back, at least reinvent it. You want peace from thinking about the losses; peace from picking yourself up and trying to piece yourself back together when you have only limited recollection of who that was; and you want peace from the feelings of an injured heart.
No, on second thought, you want all your stuff back now. After all, it was yours and you didn’t mean to give it away. You didn’t even know you’d given it away until now.
Guess you didn’t get through it as cleanly as you thought after all.
Anyway, go get your stuff back!
And don’t forget to get that Fertile Ground CD!
Sadiqqa © 2007
May 29, 2007
Some of the most wonderful people are the ones who don’t fit into boxes.
-- Tori Amos
You always were a little bit untraditional; okay, maybe quirky and somewhat unconventional. Your style was always a little too, you know, more than they could handle; a bit exceptional and offbeat. You were the one who did not fit the standard box that said you must live your life in this particular way. No, your arms have always reached outside the box to gather life’s pieces in an order that defies and even laughs at custom.
You’ve never walked a tight line, a line that is fixed and unchanging. In fact, your trail follows more like loops and spirals and twists that become vividly colorful and exciting routes which loosely find their established mark. A straight line for you is lackluster and so commonplace; and since you must get from point A to point B, you figure, why not make it as noteworthy and eventful as you can?
The song you’re singing, that’s not its regular tune, is it? Those aren’t its usual words either, are they? As a matter of fact, you’ve taken the old song and created a new tune, a you tune! You’ve created a special melody that is only reminiscent of that old song, and you’ve made it so catchy that others are catching on and they’re singing your song! Your rips and ad-libs are clever, never heard music like that before! You’re so avant-garde and ahead of your time. What will you think of next?
Love that you do it a little differently. Love that you’re not like other people who are always trying to be like everybody else. If the world had more people who thought and acted outside the cardboard squares, maybe our world would be a different place. At least things wouldn’t be so predictable.
Cheers to doing it any way, all the way, and being the greatest, most wonderful person you can while making life happen your way!
Sadiqqa © 2007
-- Tori Amos
You always were a little bit untraditional; okay, maybe quirky and somewhat unconventional. Your style was always a little too, you know, more than they could handle; a bit exceptional and offbeat. You were the one who did not fit the standard box that said you must live your life in this particular way. No, your arms have always reached outside the box to gather life’s pieces in an order that defies and even laughs at custom.
You’ve never walked a tight line, a line that is fixed and unchanging. In fact, your trail follows more like loops and spirals and twists that become vividly colorful and exciting routes which loosely find their established mark. A straight line for you is lackluster and so commonplace; and since you must get from point A to point B, you figure, why not make it as noteworthy and eventful as you can?
The song you’re singing, that’s not its regular tune, is it? Those aren’t its usual words either, are they? As a matter of fact, you’ve taken the old song and created a new tune, a you tune! You’ve created a special melody that is only reminiscent of that old song, and you’ve made it so catchy that others are catching on and they’re singing your song! Your rips and ad-libs are clever, never heard music like that before! You’re so avant-garde and ahead of your time. What will you think of next?
Love that you do it a little differently. Love that you’re not like other people who are always trying to be like everybody else. If the world had more people who thought and acted outside the cardboard squares, maybe our world would be a different place. At least things wouldn’t be so predictable.
Cheers to doing it any way, all the way, and being the greatest, most wonderful person you can while making life happen your way!
Sadiqqa © 2007
May 28, 2007
Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be waiting for us in our graves--or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.
-- Ayn Rand
Everything you’ve ever heard – from grandmama to preacher to gospel hymn – has told you that heaven is the place far out in the unobservable sky where the streets are paved in gold and all your fathers have a mansion; where the angels sing, fly, and play harps and lyres; and where you’ll meet again those who reached the pearly gates before you. Heaven is a place where there’s peaceful life after death and the home of wholeness and happiness. For some, heaven is a condition of mind, the state of being close to God and living a life of loyalty to God. For most, heaven is where God lives while He’s active and working with us here on earth.
So while God is working with us “down” here, getting us ready to join Him in heavenly paradise, should this preparatory period we live be scant of bliss and pleasure? Hopefully, you curved your lips to say “no!”
There are some, hopefully not many, who believe they must wait for the afterlife to enjoy the life they’ve been given. There are some, hopefully not many, who reserve happiness for the day when they can stand before the throne of God. There are some – again, hopefully not many – who believe the good stuff gained on earth is for naught and even decreases your likelihood of getting into heaven. How gloomy! How repressive!
Jesus came to earth so that we could have life more abundantly, and while life here on earth is a temporary state, certainly “life more abundantly” doesn’t mean that we have to wait to get to heaven in order to experience reward, personal comfort, and greatness.
I submit that enjoying rolling hills and mountain ranges, flowering vegetation, the pure smells of nature after rain, and the sounds of a bird’s music are all rewards of living on earth. Living in a comfortable home, surrounded by possessions that make you feel good and special, eating rich foods, and wearing clothes that are becoming, whether any of it carries a sizable price tag or not, are all desserts that are enjoyed while on earth, not after leaving it. And, receiving accolades and acknowledgment for jobs well done and deeds performed honorably are fruits eaten now, not simply saved for ascension after death. You’d like your roses now, wouldn’t you?
Sure, we’re surrounded by violence, war, hunger, sickness, and all types of tragedy. But around it all, on the periphery of it all, even at the heart of it all, there lies some heaven, defined by each of us in ways that sustain how we navigate our time on earth. Peace can be found on your part of the planet; you can experience wholeness right here when you’re walking in right relationship with God, your Self and others. When your actions, deeds, belief, and faith are admirable and intact, the opportunity for heaven on earth is greater. Happiness can be lived right here, right today. Maybe you can’t afford to live on a gold-filled boulevard, but you don’t have to wait until you die before you can live your life like it’s golden.
Ultimately, heaven is where you place it. You can live life’s heaven to the fullest, catching glimpses of God loving you at every moment, and not getting mired in the world’s calamities and sorrows. Why not experience life’s heaven now? You can’t take it with you.
Sadiqqa © 2007
-- Ayn Rand
Everything you’ve ever heard – from grandmama to preacher to gospel hymn – has told you that heaven is the place far out in the unobservable sky where the streets are paved in gold and all your fathers have a mansion; where the angels sing, fly, and play harps and lyres; and where you’ll meet again those who reached the pearly gates before you. Heaven is a place where there’s peaceful life after death and the home of wholeness and happiness. For some, heaven is a condition of mind, the state of being close to God and living a life of loyalty to God. For most, heaven is where God lives while He’s active and working with us here on earth.
So while God is working with us “down” here, getting us ready to join Him in heavenly paradise, should this preparatory period we live be scant of bliss and pleasure? Hopefully, you curved your lips to say “no!”
There are some, hopefully not many, who believe they must wait for the afterlife to enjoy the life they’ve been given. There are some, hopefully not many, who reserve happiness for the day when they can stand before the throne of God. There are some – again, hopefully not many – who believe the good stuff gained on earth is for naught and even decreases your likelihood of getting into heaven. How gloomy! How repressive!
Jesus came to earth so that we could have life more abundantly, and while life here on earth is a temporary state, certainly “life more abundantly” doesn’t mean that we have to wait to get to heaven in order to experience reward, personal comfort, and greatness.
I submit that enjoying rolling hills and mountain ranges, flowering vegetation, the pure smells of nature after rain, and the sounds of a bird’s music are all rewards of living on earth. Living in a comfortable home, surrounded by possessions that make you feel good and special, eating rich foods, and wearing clothes that are becoming, whether any of it carries a sizable price tag or not, are all desserts that are enjoyed while on earth, not after leaving it. And, receiving accolades and acknowledgment for jobs well done and deeds performed honorably are fruits eaten now, not simply saved for ascension after death. You’d like your roses now, wouldn’t you?
Sure, we’re surrounded by violence, war, hunger, sickness, and all types of tragedy. But around it all, on the periphery of it all, even at the heart of it all, there lies some heaven, defined by each of us in ways that sustain how we navigate our time on earth. Peace can be found on your part of the planet; you can experience wholeness right here when you’re walking in right relationship with God, your Self and others. When your actions, deeds, belief, and faith are admirable and intact, the opportunity for heaven on earth is greater. Happiness can be lived right here, right today. Maybe you can’t afford to live on a gold-filled boulevard, but you don’t have to wait until you die before you can live your life like it’s golden.
Ultimately, heaven is where you place it. You can live life’s heaven to the fullest, catching glimpses of God loving you at every moment, and not getting mired in the world’s calamities and sorrows. Why not experience life’s heaven now? You can’t take it with you.
Sadiqqa © 2007
May 25, 2007
Sometimes your best move is blocked by your own checkers.
-- Cynthia Copeland Lewis
Why on earth can’t you get ahead at work? I mean, you really know your stuff. You bring lots of money into your company; you’ve worked in just about every single department; and every new person that comes into the company is sent to you because everybody knows you’re the best trainer around. You dress professionally; your style says corporate culture, team player, and upward mobility. So, what’s the problem, you wonder. Why can’t you get beyond team leader to middle management?
The receptionist buzzes and tells you there’s a call on line 2 for you. You answer, “Good moan’n, this [you]... uh, yeah sir. I done written it up an’ I’m mo brang it t’ya now. Where you at, yo’ office?” Instead of correcting your bad grammar, the caller, who happens to be middle management, waits for you to catch yourself. When you don’t and continue to split verbs and murder the King’s English, the caller is left with a less than pleasant impression of your intelligence level. Though you supersede regular business sense and acumen, your less than spectacular use of grammar gets your true abilities ignored and keeps others from taking you seriously which, ultimately, leaves you stuck in a cubicle instead of the corner office.
You tire of being sick. You’ve tried treatment after treatment and nothing seems to be working. Because of this, you’re always in a depressed mood and often find yourself stretched out on the couch eating a half-pints of Häagen-Dazs ice cream, knowing full well that the sugars and cream in them send your bloodsugar through the roof. You also know that in the past, you have a hard time getting and keeping your blood pressure and cholesterol at normal levels. But still you sit with your hand inside a 13 ounce bag of mesquite barbecue potato chips, eating them by the handful, and swigging down an artificially-flavored grape soda.
You’ve got a big test tomorrow; instead of studying and going to bed early to be well rested, you stay on the computer inside the AOL chat room until 4 a.m. talking about nonsensical stuff with some stranger named “DRPOuT4LIFE.”
Recognize any of this? Let’s hope not. But while these situations may be foreign, we’ve got other self-sabotaging behaviors that lend themselves to the same results as those above – blocking your own blessings and opportunities. Maybe your situation is that you shut your lover down when she tries to love you. Love is what you said you needed, right? Maybe you constantly put yourself down instead of loving and stroking yourself with gentleness and forgiveness, then you wonder why your daughter has a limited sense of self; or, maybe your children have little respect and regard for you because you mistreated their mother.
Maybe you situation is as simple as forgetting to pay a bill because you neglected to put the invoice in the basket with the other bills to be paid this month, or maybe you can’t make your famous Saturday morning quiche for your mother-in-law because the milk spoiled, the cheese turned green, and your eggs got too old.
Whatever your situation, take a look at how you play – your strategies, your next moves, even think through the obstacles life may send your way so you can determine how to best deter them. You can move past self-sabotage if you pay attention to the way you’re moving, doing, and thinking.
Sadiqqa © 2007
-- Cynthia Copeland Lewis
Why on earth can’t you get ahead at work? I mean, you really know your stuff. You bring lots of money into your company; you’ve worked in just about every single department; and every new person that comes into the company is sent to you because everybody knows you’re the best trainer around. You dress professionally; your style says corporate culture, team player, and upward mobility. So, what’s the problem, you wonder. Why can’t you get beyond team leader to middle management?
The receptionist buzzes and tells you there’s a call on line 2 for you. You answer, “Good moan’n, this [you]... uh, yeah sir. I done written it up an’ I’m mo brang it t’ya now. Where you at, yo’ office?” Instead of correcting your bad grammar, the caller, who happens to be middle management, waits for you to catch yourself. When you don’t and continue to split verbs and murder the King’s English, the caller is left with a less than pleasant impression of your intelligence level. Though you supersede regular business sense and acumen, your less than spectacular use of grammar gets your true abilities ignored and keeps others from taking you seriously which, ultimately, leaves you stuck in a cubicle instead of the corner office.
You tire of being sick. You’ve tried treatment after treatment and nothing seems to be working. Because of this, you’re always in a depressed mood and often find yourself stretched out on the couch eating a half-pints of Häagen-Dazs ice cream, knowing full well that the sugars and cream in them send your bloodsugar through the roof. You also know that in the past, you have a hard time getting and keeping your blood pressure and cholesterol at normal levels. But still you sit with your hand inside a 13 ounce bag of mesquite barbecue potato chips, eating them by the handful, and swigging down an artificially-flavored grape soda.
You’ve got a big test tomorrow; instead of studying and going to bed early to be well rested, you stay on the computer inside the AOL chat room until 4 a.m. talking about nonsensical stuff with some stranger named “DRPOuT4LIFE.”
Recognize any of this? Let’s hope not. But while these situations may be foreign, we’ve got other self-sabotaging behaviors that lend themselves to the same results as those above – blocking your own blessings and opportunities. Maybe your situation is that you shut your lover down when she tries to love you. Love is what you said you needed, right? Maybe you constantly put yourself down instead of loving and stroking yourself with gentleness and forgiveness, then you wonder why your daughter has a limited sense of self; or, maybe your children have little respect and regard for you because you mistreated their mother.
Maybe you situation is as simple as forgetting to pay a bill because you neglected to put the invoice in the basket with the other bills to be paid this month, or maybe you can’t make your famous Saturday morning quiche for your mother-in-law because the milk spoiled, the cheese turned green, and your eggs got too old.
Whatever your situation, take a look at how you play – your strategies, your next moves, even think through the obstacles life may send your way so you can determine how to best deter them. You can move past self-sabotage if you pay attention to the way you’re moving, doing, and thinking.
Sadiqqa © 2007
May 24, 2007
We learn the rope of life by untying its knots.
-- Jean Toomer
Life has so many twists and turns, thousands of ups and downs, and a great many valleys and mountains. Each one of them may have more depth than the one just before it, or it may be a less worrisome time or trial. Nonetheless, each of us is faced constantly with the fluctuations, the occurrences of knots (bad times) and bends (good times).
Nobody’s life rope is totally straight. All of us have knots and bends to go through. But it’s only by going through the knots and bends that we can appreciate the life we’ve been given. When the bad times hit us – the money’s low to none, sickness takes over, relationships fail – we are forlorn and wonder why we have to go through this. During the bad times we wonder how we got to this place and who we can blame for the pain we’re enduring. But it’s also during the bad times that we work hardest to get everything right, and, when it’s right, times are good. It’s during the good times that we are able to make sense of the tough stuff, and when we make sense of the tough stuff, we are better prepared for the next knot we come to. At the next knot, because we dissected the bad while times were good, we may not have to stay knotted up in one place for so long.
In the book of Ecclesiastes (7:14a), the Questor tells us that God sends both good and bad days so that you won’t take anything for granted. God sends the sunshine and the rain, the locusts and the rainbows so that we can grow and believe more fully in Him. Finding the message, lesson, and blessing in it all is the trick to living life fully and abundantly.
Our rope of life may be severely knotted in several different places, suggesting that the trials we go through are long and hard. The bends in our life rope may be too few; perhaps the good times come sparingly. But if you hold tightly to God, your true self, and some good friends when you hit those knots and try desperately to untie them, you’ll find the knots not so difficult to untie, and some of them will be manageable tied. You’ll notice the bends you create become more abundant and booming as you look forward to getting the knots straightened out. But most importantly, you’ll realize that if there were no knots, you might get rope burn from simply sliding freely, yet purposelessly through life.
Be thankful for the knots, twists, and valleys. Without them, how would you know or how could you appreciate the full extent of life?
Sadiqqa © 2007
-- Jean Toomer
Life has so many twists and turns, thousands of ups and downs, and a great many valleys and mountains. Each one of them may have more depth than the one just before it, or it may be a less worrisome time or trial. Nonetheless, each of us is faced constantly with the fluctuations, the occurrences of knots (bad times) and bends (good times).
Nobody’s life rope is totally straight. All of us have knots and bends to go through. But it’s only by going through the knots and bends that we can appreciate the life we’ve been given. When the bad times hit us – the money’s low to none, sickness takes over, relationships fail – we are forlorn and wonder why we have to go through this. During the bad times we wonder how we got to this place and who we can blame for the pain we’re enduring. But it’s also during the bad times that we work hardest to get everything right, and, when it’s right, times are good. It’s during the good times that we are able to make sense of the tough stuff, and when we make sense of the tough stuff, we are better prepared for the next knot we come to. At the next knot, because we dissected the bad while times were good, we may not have to stay knotted up in one place for so long.
In the book of Ecclesiastes (7:14a), the Questor tells us that God sends both good and bad days so that you won’t take anything for granted. God sends the sunshine and the rain, the locusts and the rainbows so that we can grow and believe more fully in Him. Finding the message, lesson, and blessing in it all is the trick to living life fully and abundantly.
Our rope of life may be severely knotted in several different places, suggesting that the trials we go through are long and hard. The bends in our life rope may be too few; perhaps the good times come sparingly. But if you hold tightly to God, your true self, and some good friends when you hit those knots and try desperately to untie them, you’ll find the knots not so difficult to untie, and some of them will be manageable tied. You’ll notice the bends you create become more abundant and booming as you look forward to getting the knots straightened out. But most importantly, you’ll realize that if there were no knots, you might get rope burn from simply sliding freely, yet purposelessly through life.
Be thankful for the knots, twists, and valleys. Without them, how would you know or how could you appreciate the full extent of life?
Sadiqqa © 2007
May 23, 2007
You survived 100,000 other sperm to get here. What do you mean you don’t know what to do?
-- Les Brown
Even before you were conceived, you knew how to navigate and maneuver your way through the maze of life. Perhaps as a human tadpole, you had playmates and you and they played together very well until the egg bell sounded. Then, you shot out as fast as you could, trying to beat the others to the one seat in the elite school of ovaries that was the most precious. Well, one time you won the race, and to your credit and swimming ability, you’re here.
And you’re here to live with the same gusto and determination put forth when you were trying to get here. The same energy it took to thrust you out in the beginning is the same energy you’ll need to find your way around the various stations of your life.
Herein lies the problem. Somewhere along the way we forgot that we were powerful, in control of ourselves, and capable. At some point along the way somebody told us we couldn’t do a thing or that our idea was no good. Someone said we weren’t pretty or smart; and they said because daddy didn’t live with us, we’d always be poor and our homes would be broken and incomplete. And they told it to us so much, it became our overarching theme. We believed what everybody told us about the very selves we were and we bit into it hook, line, and sinker. Everybody took our force, the same force we used to be the one.
Why’d we let ourselves forget or be taken over? Remember as a kid charging forward and taking life and its accoutrements by the horns, riding it out, no matter where it took you, until you fell off or mama called you to come in? Remember the curiosity you once held about everything, asking question after question until you were satisfied you had the information you needed for the moment, then springing into a barrage of more questions because you just needed to know it all? Remember singing and dancing your heart out around the living room with a blanket on your head for long hair, pretending to be on stage performing before a large crowd of admirers? Yeah, all that was living life fully! That was seeing yourself differently, free of restrictions and margins, acting on what you saw and felt, and throwing every part of yourself into the thing to get the best and most from it. That’s the kind of gumption, ambition, and passion we all need now.
Sure we know more about life now, and what we know keeps us within the lines of the coloring pages and staying on our side of the sandbox. But it also keeps us at mediocre, limits our abilities, and blocks our blessings. Why not mesh what you’ve learned with some kid spunk and drive and see just what you get? Surely something awesome will ensue if you unbury your vigor, affirm yourself daily, tell the naysayers where to go, and just go for it. You were one of thousands once before, you can be that one again.
Sadiqqa © 2007
-- Les Brown
Even before you were conceived, you knew how to navigate and maneuver your way through the maze of life. Perhaps as a human tadpole, you had playmates and you and they played together very well until the egg bell sounded. Then, you shot out as fast as you could, trying to beat the others to the one seat in the elite school of ovaries that was the most precious. Well, one time you won the race, and to your credit and swimming ability, you’re here.
And you’re here to live with the same gusto and determination put forth when you were trying to get here. The same energy it took to thrust you out in the beginning is the same energy you’ll need to find your way around the various stations of your life.
Herein lies the problem. Somewhere along the way we forgot that we were powerful, in control of ourselves, and capable. At some point along the way somebody told us we couldn’t do a thing or that our idea was no good. Someone said we weren’t pretty or smart; and they said because daddy didn’t live with us, we’d always be poor and our homes would be broken and incomplete. And they told it to us so much, it became our overarching theme. We believed what everybody told us about the very selves we were and we bit into it hook, line, and sinker. Everybody took our force, the same force we used to be the one.
Why’d we let ourselves forget or be taken over? Remember as a kid charging forward and taking life and its accoutrements by the horns, riding it out, no matter where it took you, until you fell off or mama called you to come in? Remember the curiosity you once held about everything, asking question after question until you were satisfied you had the information you needed for the moment, then springing into a barrage of more questions because you just needed to know it all? Remember singing and dancing your heart out around the living room with a blanket on your head for long hair, pretending to be on stage performing before a large crowd of admirers? Yeah, all that was living life fully! That was seeing yourself differently, free of restrictions and margins, acting on what you saw and felt, and throwing every part of yourself into the thing to get the best and most from it. That’s the kind of gumption, ambition, and passion we all need now.
Sure we know more about life now, and what we know keeps us within the lines of the coloring pages and staying on our side of the sandbox. But it also keeps us at mediocre, limits our abilities, and blocks our blessings. Why not mesh what you’ve learned with some kid spunk and drive and see just what you get? Surely something awesome will ensue if you unbury your vigor, affirm yourself daily, tell the naysayers where to go, and just go for it. You were one of thousands once before, you can be that one again.
Sadiqqa © 2007
May 22, 2007
The delights of self-discovery are always available.
-- Gail Sheehy
Traveling alone through the South, the cool sounds of jazz, reggae, calypso, and bossa nova pouring from the car’s speakers, passing up the speedways of I-40 and -65, -20 and -85, and -10 and -95 for the more scenic and switchback roads of U.S., state, and rural routes, happening upon quaint antique shops, jam and jelly orchards, and Mennonite farms, while stumbling burgundy-faced upon an occasional underground cock fight and “hooch” still, she discovered she loved the way her hair blew in the wind of her open windows. She admired the way the sun shone on her driving arm and made her skin appear radiant and rich. She noticed how clear her thinking was as she looked out over the expanse of rolling hills and coastal lowlands she traveled. She marveled at the way it appeared the cows and horses watched her as she drove along, imagining they wondered at how marvelous it must be to feel as free as she must feel. She even began to appreciate the fragrant air wafting around the farmlands as she passed them, remarking that the pungent scents were the hallmarks of agriculture that sustained her family and many others from generation to generation.
While traveling, she discovered her gift of gab as she chewed the fat with the locals. She tapped into a previously unidentified interest in Southern history, the kind that isn’t found in books but on the porches of the elders who swing and keep rhythm with the easy passing of the day and the singing of the cicadas at night.
She discovered that the Spanish moss covered oak trees reminded her of the delicate and feminine parts of herself that are still hardy enough to make her a complete woman. Realizing a fondness and affinity for mint juleps – in a silver mug, of course – and blackberry cobbler with large scoops of homemade vanilla ice cream after drinking and eating underneath the largest moss-covered oak tree in the square, she learned that she enjoyed laughing from the gut, especially as she laughed at her own purple blackberry mustache and bib-stained blouse. As she hiccupped through the lush grounds in Savannah, Saint Augustine, and Beaufort, she became aware of her lightness of foot and ever-so-slight twist of the hips as she walked barefoot and carefree with her silver mug and its sweet contents.
She satisfied her curiosity of Gullah and Geechee dialect, realizing they are art forms as much as they are languages, and feeling in her spirit that her own ancient family haled “frum de lowcountree an de islandt.” Investing in the preservation of the Sea Islands, she toured the lands and even slept in a refurbished slave shanty only to be spooked by the intense existence of the Islands’ ghost and other rich traditions and rituals. She confirmed for herself that she liked hanging out among the living and that she’d gladly leave the dead to the morticians.
Her adventures took her to the waters of the Atlantic where she bathed and soaked in them and imagined her greatest grandparents doing the same. She looked out upon the waters, and seeing nothing in the distance, believed that Columbus could have been right for all she knew, or at least have a valid point about that drop off. Realizing that the sea conjured up lonely feelings for her, she got back in her car and headed for her land-bound home far north of the ocean.
Returning home, she gathered all her thoughts, experiences, memories, and adventures into a chest and put them away in the back of the closet. Of the treasures she discovered about herself along the way, she shares them daily in the pages of this journal.
Sadiqqa © 2007
-- Gail Sheehy
Traveling alone through the South, the cool sounds of jazz, reggae, calypso, and bossa nova pouring from the car’s speakers, passing up the speedways of I-40 and -65, -20 and -85, and -10 and -95 for the more scenic and switchback roads of U.S., state, and rural routes, happening upon quaint antique shops, jam and jelly orchards, and Mennonite farms, while stumbling burgundy-faced upon an occasional underground cock fight and “hooch” still, she discovered she loved the way her hair blew in the wind of her open windows. She admired the way the sun shone on her driving arm and made her skin appear radiant and rich. She noticed how clear her thinking was as she looked out over the expanse of rolling hills and coastal lowlands she traveled. She marveled at the way it appeared the cows and horses watched her as she drove along, imagining they wondered at how marvelous it must be to feel as free as she must feel. She even began to appreciate the fragrant air wafting around the farmlands as she passed them, remarking that the pungent scents were the hallmarks of agriculture that sustained her family and many others from generation to generation.
While traveling, she discovered her gift of gab as she chewed the fat with the locals. She tapped into a previously unidentified interest in Southern history, the kind that isn’t found in books but on the porches of the elders who swing and keep rhythm with the easy passing of the day and the singing of the cicadas at night.
She discovered that the Spanish moss covered oak trees reminded her of the delicate and feminine parts of herself that are still hardy enough to make her a complete woman. Realizing a fondness and affinity for mint juleps – in a silver mug, of course – and blackberry cobbler with large scoops of homemade vanilla ice cream after drinking and eating underneath the largest moss-covered oak tree in the square, she learned that she enjoyed laughing from the gut, especially as she laughed at her own purple blackberry mustache and bib-stained blouse. As she hiccupped through the lush grounds in Savannah, Saint Augustine, and Beaufort, she became aware of her lightness of foot and ever-so-slight twist of the hips as she walked barefoot and carefree with her silver mug and its sweet contents.
She satisfied her curiosity of Gullah and Geechee dialect, realizing they are art forms as much as they are languages, and feeling in her spirit that her own ancient family haled “frum de lowcountree an de islandt.” Investing in the preservation of the Sea Islands, she toured the lands and even slept in a refurbished slave shanty only to be spooked by the intense existence of the Islands’ ghost and other rich traditions and rituals. She confirmed for herself that she liked hanging out among the living and that she’d gladly leave the dead to the morticians.
Her adventures took her to the waters of the Atlantic where she bathed and soaked in them and imagined her greatest grandparents doing the same. She looked out upon the waters, and seeing nothing in the distance, believed that Columbus could have been right for all she knew, or at least have a valid point about that drop off. Realizing that the sea conjured up lonely feelings for her, she got back in her car and headed for her land-bound home far north of the ocean.
Returning home, she gathered all her thoughts, experiences, memories, and adventures into a chest and put them away in the back of the closet. Of the treasures she discovered about herself along the way, she shares them daily in the pages of this journal.
Sadiqqa © 2007
May 21, 2007
The truth is God does not want you to stay in your sorry situation.
-- Esther Davis Thompson
When Jesus took His last breath, He didn’t breathe it so that you could spend your time rushing hurriedly through your days, wishing to dash on past this dreadful event, that cumbersome matter, or those worrisome people. When Jesus asked God why He had deserted Him, Jesus didn’t suffer so that you would spend your days worrying about money – making ends meet, staying above water, and trying to get blood from a turnip. When Jesus had to carry His own cross, He didn’t strain under the weight of the wood for you to make fear and doubt your travel companions, buckle under the slightest pressure, or live your life trapped inside the expectations and demands of others. Jesus died so that you would have life more abundantly.
It’s that simple.
But you know that already. You’ve studied the Word. You grew up with it. You listen to your pastor. You recall conversations with your grandmama. So, why are you still worrying?
Why are you still stuck? Still afraid? Still hopeless? Still depressed? Still burdened? Still angry? Still hiding? Still plotting mutiny? Still in denial?
Perhaps you don’t believe you’re free. Or maybe you just keep taking your eyes off Jesus and have thus lost the way.
Be assured, because Jesus gave His life for you, you have freedom, and nowhere in God’s great universe does freedom mean being held hostage to that which suffocates and snips away at your life. When Jesus died, the heavens opened up so that you would not only live forever, but that while you lived here on earth, you wouldn’t have to live in despair, stay downtrodden, could enjoy good times, and have some fun. You are free. Jesus made that possible when He went through all that stuff for you. Worrying, being afraid, and plotting revenge will not pay your toll.
We are seven weeks on the bright side of Jesus’ death, within the Resurrection season, a time for restoration and renewal. If you have not unchained yourself from what holds you back, it’s not because a way up and out was not made for you. Jesus cleared your path. This is your moment of opportunity to claim and walk boldly along the path.
Sadiqqa © 2007
-- Esther Davis Thompson
When Jesus took His last breath, He didn’t breathe it so that you could spend your time rushing hurriedly through your days, wishing to dash on past this dreadful event, that cumbersome matter, or those worrisome people. When Jesus asked God why He had deserted Him, Jesus didn’t suffer so that you would spend your days worrying about money – making ends meet, staying above water, and trying to get blood from a turnip. When Jesus had to carry His own cross, He didn’t strain under the weight of the wood for you to make fear and doubt your travel companions, buckle under the slightest pressure, or live your life trapped inside the expectations and demands of others. Jesus died so that you would have life more abundantly.
It’s that simple.
But you know that already. You’ve studied the Word. You grew up with it. You listen to your pastor. You recall conversations with your grandmama. So, why are you still worrying?
Why are you still stuck? Still afraid? Still hopeless? Still depressed? Still burdened? Still angry? Still hiding? Still plotting mutiny? Still in denial?
Perhaps you don’t believe you’re free. Or maybe you just keep taking your eyes off Jesus and have thus lost the way.
Be assured, because Jesus gave His life for you, you have freedom, and nowhere in God’s great universe does freedom mean being held hostage to that which suffocates and snips away at your life. When Jesus died, the heavens opened up so that you would not only live forever, but that while you lived here on earth, you wouldn’t have to live in despair, stay downtrodden, could enjoy good times, and have some fun. You are free. Jesus made that possible when He went through all that stuff for you. Worrying, being afraid, and plotting revenge will not pay your toll.
We are seven weeks on the bright side of Jesus’ death, within the Resurrection season, a time for restoration and renewal. If you have not unchained yourself from what holds you back, it’s not because a way up and out was not made for you. Jesus cleared your path. This is your moment of opportunity to claim and walk boldly along the path.
Sadiqqa © 2007
May 18, 2007
We all know that you can’t judge a book by its cover, but sometimes taking great care of the wrapping indicates that you know the insides are worth it.
-- Yahoo Horoscope
Your face glows. It’s free of imperfections and your personality lines are as radiant as they are defining. You’ve styled your hair in a way that makes you look very sexy and appealing. And what you’re wearing must have been especially made for you because it fits your pleasing physique perfectly. You look absolutely great!
And you deserve to look that great. You’ve put in some mighty work over these past few years and months. You’ve taken care of your body by taking vitamins, drinking plenty of water, exercising, eating healthy, and getting plenty of rest. You should be proud of yourself. There’s no blame, not a bit of hatin’. Show yourself off!
By looking at you, we can tell that you feel good inside too, that your heart isn’t heavy and your soul isn’t bitter. We can tell you’re not holding any grudges, guilt, regret, or remorse. Seeing you like this tells us clearly that you’ve healed or at least you’re working steadily on the process.
You look rich, like you’ve put time not only in your fabulous outward appearance but that you’ve gone deep inside to rid yourself of things that caused unpleasant attitudes and beliefs about life and your Self. No longer do you carry about a sense of disdain or wrap yourself in discord and disorder. The way you look says that all in well within. You look like peace.
You know, the way that you’re flowing right now says to us that everything in your life is smooth and graceful, and we wouldn’t be surprised if very soon this new energy you’re rock’n gets you that very thing you’ve been praying for. The evolution you’ve undergone is riveting and exploding from every pore of your body and it’s like a magnet that’s drawing your aspirations and destiny closer to you. You are so on!
You look healthy, happy, satisfied. Strength of character, mind, and body is emanating from you like a sunbeam and it’s lighting up the every space you’re keeping. Tell us, is there any way for the rest of us to bottle up some of you and take it with us? God knows you’re beautiful!
The work you did to get to this fine place you’re in was well worth it for you and us. It is our pleasure to look upon your beauty inside and out. You so deserve to look the way you do!
Sadiqqa © 2007
-- Yahoo Horoscope
Your face glows. It’s free of imperfections and your personality lines are as radiant as they are defining. You’ve styled your hair in a way that makes you look very sexy and appealing. And what you’re wearing must have been especially made for you because it fits your pleasing physique perfectly. You look absolutely great!
And you deserve to look that great. You’ve put in some mighty work over these past few years and months. You’ve taken care of your body by taking vitamins, drinking plenty of water, exercising, eating healthy, and getting plenty of rest. You should be proud of yourself. There’s no blame, not a bit of hatin’. Show yourself off!
By looking at you, we can tell that you feel good inside too, that your heart isn’t heavy and your soul isn’t bitter. We can tell you’re not holding any grudges, guilt, regret, or remorse. Seeing you like this tells us clearly that you’ve healed or at least you’re working steadily on the process.
You look rich, like you’ve put time not only in your fabulous outward appearance but that you’ve gone deep inside to rid yourself of things that caused unpleasant attitudes and beliefs about life and your Self. No longer do you carry about a sense of disdain or wrap yourself in discord and disorder. The way you look says that all in well within. You look like peace.
You know, the way that you’re flowing right now says to us that everything in your life is smooth and graceful, and we wouldn’t be surprised if very soon this new energy you’re rock’n gets you that very thing you’ve been praying for. The evolution you’ve undergone is riveting and exploding from every pore of your body and it’s like a magnet that’s drawing your aspirations and destiny closer to you. You are so on!
You look healthy, happy, satisfied. Strength of character, mind, and body is emanating from you like a sunbeam and it’s lighting up the every space you’re keeping. Tell us, is there any way for the rest of us to bottle up some of you and take it with us? God knows you’re beautiful!
The work you did to get to this fine place you’re in was well worth it for you and us. It is our pleasure to look upon your beauty inside and out. You so deserve to look the way you do!
Sadiqqa © 2007
May 17, 2007
When you’re doing what you’re doing in the Will of God, you’ll cause a disturbance.
-- Rev. Ed Sanders
It was high time to live a better, more productive life. In this effort, he made up his mind to read and study the Word and pray more often. As he did this, he also felt compelled to take better care of his body so he decided to lose weight, eat healthier, and exercise. As he proceeded, he knew he needed to clear his circle of dead weight and troublesome friends, stop smoking, and limit his drinking. As he cleared the area in and around himself, he thought it best to keep a cleaner and neater home, get a grip on his finances, and get a better job. He was simply tired of living in what felt outside the Will of God and pursued with great pleasure and enthusiasm that which was pleasing to God.
Well, the enemy was not pleased at all. The enemy was disturbed by this new and righteous course of action being undertaken. The enemy was losing one of its greatest followers, and of course, this could not be tolerated and had to stop.
So right before his eyes, and certainly no sooner than our friend had begun to practice his newfound momentum for living within the Will of God, the enemy began to send its buddies temptation, trials, doubt, and frustration to mess with him. When he read the Word, he found it difficult to focus on the words and tripped over the thys, thous, and all the begetting. When he prayed, he either fell asleep or found himself at a loss for words, which made him believe his prayers were unheard and, thus, unanswered.
Our man prayed for strength and endurance as he travailed to provide better care for his body. But his taste buds didn’t easily find favor for unsalted foods or sugar-free desserts and candy. With every mile of the treadmill he became more irritable and grouchy as the previously idle chemicals in his body began to shift and find new life. The aches and pains of exercising formerly undisturbed muscles were truly unbearable as he secretly considered holding on to what seemed too difficult to lose.
His friends noticed a change in him. Some were supportive; others envious, doubting and oppressive. He tried kicking to the curb the naysayers. Some went willingly; others clung like slugs, leaving behind a trail of unwanted slights. Some thought him no longer cool or “down” because of the habits he chose to change. When the air was cleared, he came out with 3 true friends.
Being tired from exercising and battling to keep his circle clean took away the energy necessary for keeping his house as clean as he’d like. Thus, clean and dirty clothes piled up, dishes were left unwashed, and the lawn nearly passed as a condemned area turned science experiment. Vigorously focusing on clearing up debt made it difficult to change jobs, so staying in the job he no longer wanted provided a great deal of frustration that could only be alleviated by vigorous exercise. But, heck, he hurt too bad and cussed too much when he did that.
But, you know what? Our guy didn’t give in to the enemies attempts at sabotage. Oh no, he dug his feet in and pushed a little harder. This made him tougher and better able to withstand the weapons thrown at him. The clearer he got, the more abrupt and upsetting the distractions became. But our friend kept praying, studying, exercising, cleaning, and paying off his bills. And because he kept his groove going, the shield of God provided a covering for him and made it impossible for the weapons of the enemy to permanently bruise or thwart his attempts at a better life.
Though he continues to be tested, and on occasion, like most of us, fails the test, our friend never gives in or up, and uses each test grade as a lesson for improving his faithfulness and uprightness as he prepares for each impending test.
Be like our guy who is undeterred by the disturbances that are sure to come when you are doing the right thing. Don’t give in and don’t give up for surely your reward will be great.
Sadiqqa © 2007
-- Rev. Ed Sanders
It was high time to live a better, more productive life. In this effort, he made up his mind to read and study the Word and pray more often. As he did this, he also felt compelled to take better care of his body so he decided to lose weight, eat healthier, and exercise. As he proceeded, he knew he needed to clear his circle of dead weight and troublesome friends, stop smoking, and limit his drinking. As he cleared the area in and around himself, he thought it best to keep a cleaner and neater home, get a grip on his finances, and get a better job. He was simply tired of living in what felt outside the Will of God and pursued with great pleasure and enthusiasm that which was pleasing to God.
Well, the enemy was not pleased at all. The enemy was disturbed by this new and righteous course of action being undertaken. The enemy was losing one of its greatest followers, and of course, this could not be tolerated and had to stop.
So right before his eyes, and certainly no sooner than our friend had begun to practice his newfound momentum for living within the Will of God, the enemy began to send its buddies temptation, trials, doubt, and frustration to mess with him. When he read the Word, he found it difficult to focus on the words and tripped over the thys, thous, and all the begetting. When he prayed, he either fell asleep or found himself at a loss for words, which made him believe his prayers were unheard and, thus, unanswered.
Our man prayed for strength and endurance as he travailed to provide better care for his body. But his taste buds didn’t easily find favor for unsalted foods or sugar-free desserts and candy. With every mile of the treadmill he became more irritable and grouchy as the previously idle chemicals in his body began to shift and find new life. The aches and pains of exercising formerly undisturbed muscles were truly unbearable as he secretly considered holding on to what seemed too difficult to lose.
His friends noticed a change in him. Some were supportive; others envious, doubting and oppressive. He tried kicking to the curb the naysayers. Some went willingly; others clung like slugs, leaving behind a trail of unwanted slights. Some thought him no longer cool or “down” because of the habits he chose to change. When the air was cleared, he came out with 3 true friends.
Being tired from exercising and battling to keep his circle clean took away the energy necessary for keeping his house as clean as he’d like. Thus, clean and dirty clothes piled up, dishes were left unwashed, and the lawn nearly passed as a condemned area turned science experiment. Vigorously focusing on clearing up debt made it difficult to change jobs, so staying in the job he no longer wanted provided a great deal of frustration that could only be alleviated by vigorous exercise. But, heck, he hurt too bad and cussed too much when he did that.
But, you know what? Our guy didn’t give in to the enemies attempts at sabotage. Oh no, he dug his feet in and pushed a little harder. This made him tougher and better able to withstand the weapons thrown at him. The clearer he got, the more abrupt and upsetting the distractions became. But our friend kept praying, studying, exercising, cleaning, and paying off his bills. And because he kept his groove going, the shield of God provided a covering for him and made it impossible for the weapons of the enemy to permanently bruise or thwart his attempts at a better life.
Though he continues to be tested, and on occasion, like most of us, fails the test, our friend never gives in or up, and uses each test grade as a lesson for improving his faithfulness and uprightness as he prepares for each impending test.
Be like our guy who is undeterred by the disturbances that are sure to come when you are doing the right thing. Don’t give in and don’t give up for surely your reward will be great.
Sadiqqa © 2007
May 16, 2007
It’s easy to forget that you’re working with God’s children when they themselves have forgotten their Father.
-- Anonymous
That lady cut you off in traffic. When you blew your horn at her, she shot you a bird.
You loaned your best buddy $500 which he agreed to repay within 3 months. Two years later you had to take him to court because he, his mama, and his girlfriend said you owe him $500.
You give the man on the corner holding the “I’m hungry” sign $10 to make it through the evening. He shows up on the evening news in the back of a police car stoned and disorderly from the bottle of Jack Daniels he bought with that $10.
In your outrage and disbelief, it is easy to forget that these people and any others who have taken advantage of you, mistreated you, made a fool of you, let you down, hurt you, and committed any other despicable thing, are God’s babies, too ‘cause they certainly don’t look like folks who know the God in them.
You come in contact each day with people who live and act on the surface of their situations, never considering that just below the peripheral is God moving about releasing goodwill, favor and peacefulness into their spirits. Instead, they don’t tune in to these gifts and ultimately act on the face issues, becoming reactive, surly, destructive, even cruel and sadistic which then causes us to respond in a corresponding manner, one that shows we have forgotten that we are children of God.
In spite of what they say or do, and in order to keep your place in heaven, you’ve got to grit our teeth, suck it up and remember that even the most spiteful person you’ve ever met in your life is still a child of God, worthy of love and kindness, grace and mercy. Even when there is no way you can see the God in them, you have to believe that God is in there somewhere.
Yeah, that’s a tall order. But you do want others to remember you’re a child of God when you act a fool, make a misstep, and chop off some heads, don’t you? So, follow the assignment that seems too impossible to accomplish.
Remind yourself that this beautiful child of God that’s having a tough moment or time in their life is simply having trouble accessing the God in them. Maybe as you show kindness to them, they’ll mellow, take a hint, and tune in to God whirling around in them and make it more apparent that He lives there inside.
So if your lunch server is a bit cantankerous today, tip him anyway. Tip him because despite all, he’s still a child of God.
Sadiqqa © 2007
-- Anonymous
That lady cut you off in traffic. When you blew your horn at her, she shot you a bird.
You loaned your best buddy $500 which he agreed to repay within 3 months. Two years later you had to take him to court because he, his mama, and his girlfriend said you owe him $500.
You give the man on the corner holding the “I’m hungry” sign $10 to make it through the evening. He shows up on the evening news in the back of a police car stoned and disorderly from the bottle of Jack Daniels he bought with that $10.
In your outrage and disbelief, it is easy to forget that these people and any others who have taken advantage of you, mistreated you, made a fool of you, let you down, hurt you, and committed any other despicable thing, are God’s babies, too ‘cause they certainly don’t look like folks who know the God in them.
You come in contact each day with people who live and act on the surface of their situations, never considering that just below the peripheral is God moving about releasing goodwill, favor and peacefulness into their spirits. Instead, they don’t tune in to these gifts and ultimately act on the face issues, becoming reactive, surly, destructive, even cruel and sadistic which then causes us to respond in a corresponding manner, one that shows we have forgotten that we are children of God.
In spite of what they say or do, and in order to keep your place in heaven, you’ve got to grit our teeth, suck it up and remember that even the most spiteful person you’ve ever met in your life is still a child of God, worthy of love and kindness, grace and mercy. Even when there is no way you can see the God in them, you have to believe that God is in there somewhere.
Yeah, that’s a tall order. But you do want others to remember you’re a child of God when you act a fool, make a misstep, and chop off some heads, don’t you? So, follow the assignment that seems too impossible to accomplish.
Remind yourself that this beautiful child of God that’s having a tough moment or time in their life is simply having trouble accessing the God in them. Maybe as you show kindness to them, they’ll mellow, take a hint, and tune in to God whirling around in them and make it more apparent that He lives there inside.
So if your lunch server is a bit cantankerous today, tip him anyway. Tip him because despite all, he’s still a child of God.
Sadiqqa © 2007
May 15, 2007
If... you wake up feeling low, lowly or low down, allow yourself the luxury of the experience. Allow yourself to remember that you are human and that life goes on... Avoid the things you do to deny where you are. Simply be! Perhaps you need the rest. Be present with yourself and what you feel for at least 48 hours. After that, pick yourself up, spruce yourself up in anticipation of the next wave of feeling...
-- Iyanla Vanzant
You could really use a break today – a break from having to get out of bed and enter the world as one of its working class. You could use a break from traffic, the office, school, responsibilities, parenthood, honeyhood – name it, you could use the break from it. Yeah, it’s only Tuesday and, no, nothing’s wrong. Today, you just don’t feel like being on.
Today, you’re just not “up.” Oh well, so what? Don’t you at least deserve one day. For gosh sakes, aren’t you always up and on? Aren’t you always moving and shaking, taking the world by storm, and blazing mighty trails? Weren’t you the one last week that single-handedly managed that awesome task everybody else balked at? Wasn’t it you who made sure all the I’s were dotted and the T’s were crossed? Wasn’t that you? Yeah, that was you. You need a break. Go ahead and take it.
Well yeah, you’re critical to the team and if you’re not present and accounted for, sure, you’d be missed. But, geez, let them miss you. Let the work go undone for one day. You can guarantee the work will be there tomorrow sitting right where you left it. And if it does move or somebody else decides to do it, the better for you, right? You need a break. Go ahead and take it.
Now don’t start making a list of the things you should be doing. We all know it never ends for you. Which is why you have to take a break today. Take it.
Please don’t start feeling guilty. You’re not going to leave anybody hanging and the building will not collapse in your absence. If you miss this one day, your children will still eat, your car note will still get paid, and the house will still be in your name. And nobody’ll think you’re a lazy bum. If they do, so what? Let them do all you do everyday then they’ll see that you just need a break. Go ahead, take a break.
And when you take a break, do nothing. That’s right, nothing. Don’t even break dead leaves off your plants. Lie in bed or sit in your favorite chair or spot on the couch. Read or watch court shows all day; catch up on your favorite soap if you want to. Eat what you want to (within reason, of course. You don’t want to lose your mind.) and wear whatever you feel like. Or be butt naked. Stretch out, and even though you’re not feeling “up,” celebrate the fact that you’re alive and have the luxury of taking a break so that you can feel whatever you want to feel today.
Tomorrow (or Thursday) when your “up” and “on” have returned, you can take pride in knowing that you honored yourself by slowing down and taking a break. If you’re just not feeling it today, be good to yourself by taking the day off, minding the business of your Self, and making no apologies about doing nothing but staying in tuned with you. You’ll thank yourself later.
Come on, take a break.
Sadiqqa © 2007
-- Iyanla Vanzant
You could really use a break today – a break from having to get out of bed and enter the world as one of its working class. You could use a break from traffic, the office, school, responsibilities, parenthood, honeyhood – name it, you could use the break from it. Yeah, it’s only Tuesday and, no, nothing’s wrong. Today, you just don’t feel like being on.
Today, you’re just not “up.” Oh well, so what? Don’t you at least deserve one day. For gosh sakes, aren’t you always up and on? Aren’t you always moving and shaking, taking the world by storm, and blazing mighty trails? Weren’t you the one last week that single-handedly managed that awesome task everybody else balked at? Wasn’t it you who made sure all the I’s were dotted and the T’s were crossed? Wasn’t that you? Yeah, that was you. You need a break. Go ahead and take it.
Well yeah, you’re critical to the team and if you’re not present and accounted for, sure, you’d be missed. But, geez, let them miss you. Let the work go undone for one day. You can guarantee the work will be there tomorrow sitting right where you left it. And if it does move or somebody else decides to do it, the better for you, right? You need a break. Go ahead and take it.
Now don’t start making a list of the things you should be doing. We all know it never ends for you. Which is why you have to take a break today. Take it.
Please don’t start feeling guilty. You’re not going to leave anybody hanging and the building will not collapse in your absence. If you miss this one day, your children will still eat, your car note will still get paid, and the house will still be in your name. And nobody’ll think you’re a lazy bum. If they do, so what? Let them do all you do everyday then they’ll see that you just need a break. Go ahead, take a break.
And when you take a break, do nothing. That’s right, nothing. Don’t even break dead leaves off your plants. Lie in bed or sit in your favorite chair or spot on the couch. Read or watch court shows all day; catch up on your favorite soap if you want to. Eat what you want to (within reason, of course. You don’t want to lose your mind.) and wear whatever you feel like. Or be butt naked. Stretch out, and even though you’re not feeling “up,” celebrate the fact that you’re alive and have the luxury of taking a break so that you can feel whatever you want to feel today.
Tomorrow (or Thursday) when your “up” and “on” have returned, you can take pride in knowing that you honored yourself by slowing down and taking a break. If you’re just not feeling it today, be good to yourself by taking the day off, minding the business of your Self, and making no apologies about doing nothing but staying in tuned with you. You’ll thank yourself later.
Come on, take a break.
Sadiqqa © 2007
May 14, 2007
Our challenge is to close the book, to leave the religious service, to turn off the tape – and practice living the message.
-- Susan Taylor, from “In the Spirit”
Yesterday’s worship service was thoughtful, inspiring, and spirit-filled. You prayed and praised throughout the entire sermon. The minister challenged you to remain faithful in your study of the Word and encouraged you to live a greater life of service, love for others, and ministering to others as you go about your daily business. After church you hugged, kissed, and wished everyone a great week. On the way home, you reflected on the day’s message, listened meditatively to the end of the radio station’s gospel program, and felt fresh and clear as you skimmed into your Sunday afternoon.
Now, on this Monday morning, as you work through the contents of your overflowing paper and email inboxes; receive the demanding calls and visits that consume your day; and put out fires or fan flames, as necessary – all while keeping a professional face, tone, and deportment – you feel the ease and enthusiasm of Sunday slide away from you, like ice melting under the heat of the sun. Within hours you have drained and dripped every part of Sunday into your chair and onto the carpet, and it has evaporated into the ceiling tiles of your office, forever stuck there, never again retrieved.
How do you keep Sunday on, wrapped snugly around you like your favorite blanket? How do you stay in Sunday and the pleasant feelings that being in divine fellowship with God brings while you live, work, and play? How do you siphon Sundays from the foam ceiling tiles or keep it from thawing off you in the first place? How do you keep the music playing?
James and Patti said that “with any luck, then I suppose, the music never ends.” It may be luck, but certainly there’s more to it than that.
It’s probably starting the day with prayer. “Lord, at this hour and every hour of the day, guide my thoughts, my tongue, my feet, and my heart. Keep me focused on You and your way. Move me out of the way so that I may be a blessing to somebody and bring glory to You. In Your name, Jesus, amen.”
Possibly, it’s reading a passage or two of Scripture. “I will sing to the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live. May my meditation be pleasing to him, as I rejoice in the Lord.” Psalm 104:33-34
Maybe it’s retrieving the worship guide, reviewing the notes you took Sunday morning, and posting them on your mirror, dashboard, and computer. Maybe it’s reciting a few Hail Marys, singing a hymn, or repeating an affirmation. Perhaps it’s talking with a faithful friend and having an uplifting conversation while sipping a cup of peppermint tea. Maybe it’s taking a morning walk or a rejuvenating run in the lunchtime park, enjoying nature and the rush of life and energy through your veins. Maybe it’s stopping to meditate on what you’re feeling when everything becomes too tense then breathing deeply to release the stress caused by the tension. Maybe the deep breaths that require you to open up vital passageways are what make you able to hold on to or regain Sunday.
And, maybe if you look up every once in a while, you’ll notice Sunday.
No matter what your day and week become, Sunday, the sermon, and the feelings of it all can linger if you live with them and make them your companions. Today is Monday, but it can still be Sunday if you so choose.
Sadiqqa © 2007
-- Susan Taylor, from “In the Spirit”
Yesterday’s worship service was thoughtful, inspiring, and spirit-filled. You prayed and praised throughout the entire sermon. The minister challenged you to remain faithful in your study of the Word and encouraged you to live a greater life of service, love for others, and ministering to others as you go about your daily business. After church you hugged, kissed, and wished everyone a great week. On the way home, you reflected on the day’s message, listened meditatively to the end of the radio station’s gospel program, and felt fresh and clear as you skimmed into your Sunday afternoon.
Now, on this Monday morning, as you work through the contents of your overflowing paper and email inboxes; receive the demanding calls and visits that consume your day; and put out fires or fan flames, as necessary – all while keeping a professional face, tone, and deportment – you feel the ease and enthusiasm of Sunday slide away from you, like ice melting under the heat of the sun. Within hours you have drained and dripped every part of Sunday into your chair and onto the carpet, and it has evaporated into the ceiling tiles of your office, forever stuck there, never again retrieved.
How do you keep Sunday on, wrapped snugly around you like your favorite blanket? How do you stay in Sunday and the pleasant feelings that being in divine fellowship with God brings while you live, work, and play? How do you siphon Sundays from the foam ceiling tiles or keep it from thawing off you in the first place? How do you keep the music playing?
James and Patti said that “with any luck, then I suppose, the music never ends.” It may be luck, but certainly there’s more to it than that.
It’s probably starting the day with prayer. “Lord, at this hour and every hour of the day, guide my thoughts, my tongue, my feet, and my heart. Keep me focused on You and your way. Move me out of the way so that I may be a blessing to somebody and bring glory to You. In Your name, Jesus, amen.”
Possibly, it’s reading a passage or two of Scripture. “I will sing to the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live. May my meditation be pleasing to him, as I rejoice in the Lord.” Psalm 104:33-34
Maybe it’s retrieving the worship guide, reviewing the notes you took Sunday morning, and posting them on your mirror, dashboard, and computer. Maybe it’s reciting a few Hail Marys, singing a hymn, or repeating an affirmation. Perhaps it’s talking with a faithful friend and having an uplifting conversation while sipping a cup of peppermint tea. Maybe it’s taking a morning walk or a rejuvenating run in the lunchtime park, enjoying nature and the rush of life and energy through your veins. Maybe it’s stopping to meditate on what you’re feeling when everything becomes too tense then breathing deeply to release the stress caused by the tension. Maybe the deep breaths that require you to open up vital passageways are what make you able to hold on to or regain Sunday.
And, maybe if you look up every once in a while, you’ll notice Sunday.
No matter what your day and week become, Sunday, the sermon, and the feelings of it all can linger if you live with them and make them your companions. Today is Monday, but it can still be Sunday if you so choose.
Sadiqqa © 2007
May 11, 2007
Sooner or later we all quote our mothers.
-- Bern Williams
You said it. Of all the things in the world you said you’d never say to your children, you went and said it. You felt it moving through your bloodstream, flow to your brain, then drip right down to your tongue. You felt your lips forming themselves to speak the words you had been trying desperately to never say, and before you could stop your hands from joining your hips, the words were out – “There are children in China who are starving. You better eat that!”So many of the words our mothers said to us are floating around in our homes, whirling about as reminders and reprimands, and personalized with our own neo-flavor. When we were young we hated the “mama-speak,” thought it was dumb, swore we’d never say that stuff to our kids, and even formulated what we believed to be more intelligent refrains to offer our children. Instead, “I’m sick and tired of telling you...” has been reincarnated in our mouths and our kids are probably saying to themselves, “That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. I’ll never say that to my kids!”
“Don’t let the street lights catch you” came out of your mouth last week. “I hope when you have kids...” surfaced a few days ago, and when you walked passed your kid’s room this morning, you compared it to a pig sty, no doubt the same one your mom often referred to. And even though you know it to be scientifically untrue, you told your kids that sitting too close to the television and reading in the dark would make them blind. Once you winced through every exhortation you said then laughed silently at yourself, you felt satisfied you’d said the right thing and your point was made. You have become an official card-carrying member of the “mama-speak” club.
So you know “mama-speak” wasn’t all that bad. Actually, it was pretty darn good stuff. It quieted the situation, and while most of us were a bit naïve and impressionable in those days, stories about lie bumps on our tongue, going to see turtles drink water (in response to “where’re you going?”), and walking to school uphill, both ways, in the snow, worked. Nowadays, we have to tell the truth, explain, and rationalize “mama-speak.” We’ve so encouraged our kids to be curious and ask questions, a simple “because I said so” can turn into a full blown conversation about your age, experience, and any other qualifier of the statement. Back when we were young, all mama’d have to do was say it and give that look. Makes you wonder if we only inherited the words and not the power that backs up “mama-speak.” Or, maybe we should stop explaining and rationalizing.
When mama’s all over the world warned “you’re going to remember I said that,” they knew what they were speaking. And so do we as we repeat that which will forever be on the minds and tongues of our children and their children. And chances are as you quote your mama’s “mama-speak,” you’re speaking everything your foremothers spoke as well.
Sadiqqa © 2007
-- Bern Williams
You said it. Of all the things in the world you said you’d never say to your children, you went and said it. You felt it moving through your bloodstream, flow to your brain, then drip right down to your tongue. You felt your lips forming themselves to speak the words you had been trying desperately to never say, and before you could stop your hands from joining your hips, the words were out – “There are children in China who are starving. You better eat that!”So many of the words our mothers said to us are floating around in our homes, whirling about as reminders and reprimands, and personalized with our own neo-flavor. When we were young we hated the “mama-speak,” thought it was dumb, swore we’d never say that stuff to our kids, and even formulated what we believed to be more intelligent refrains to offer our children. Instead, “I’m sick and tired of telling you...” has been reincarnated in our mouths and our kids are probably saying to themselves, “That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. I’ll never say that to my kids!”
“Don’t let the street lights catch you” came out of your mouth last week. “I hope when you have kids...” surfaced a few days ago, and when you walked passed your kid’s room this morning, you compared it to a pig sty, no doubt the same one your mom often referred to. And even though you know it to be scientifically untrue, you told your kids that sitting too close to the television and reading in the dark would make them blind. Once you winced through every exhortation you said then laughed silently at yourself, you felt satisfied you’d said the right thing and your point was made. You have become an official card-carrying member of the “mama-speak” club.
So you know “mama-speak” wasn’t all that bad. Actually, it was pretty darn good stuff. It quieted the situation, and while most of us were a bit naïve and impressionable in those days, stories about lie bumps on our tongue, going to see turtles drink water (in response to “where’re you going?”), and walking to school uphill, both ways, in the snow, worked. Nowadays, we have to tell the truth, explain, and rationalize “mama-speak.” We’ve so encouraged our kids to be curious and ask questions, a simple “because I said so” can turn into a full blown conversation about your age, experience, and any other qualifier of the statement. Back when we were young, all mama’d have to do was say it and give that look. Makes you wonder if we only inherited the words and not the power that backs up “mama-speak.” Or, maybe we should stop explaining and rationalizing.
When mama’s all over the world warned “you’re going to remember I said that,” they knew what they were speaking. And so do we as we repeat that which will forever be on the minds and tongues of our children and their children. And chances are as you quote your mama’s “mama-speak,” you’re speaking everything your foremothers spoke as well.
Sadiqqa © 2007
May 10, 2007
If you’re focusing too much on earning a paycheck for the sake of your family, keep in mind that your family would rather spend time with you than with your wallet. Make an effort to cut down your hours and increase the amount of face time you get with the people you care most about.
-- Yahoo Horoscope
You’ve got to have enough money to make your bills, the groceries, tithes and offerings, and savings, for when those are fulfilled, things flow pretty smoothly for you and your family. You also want to maintain your home, the family’s wardrobes, pay for the kids’ education, eat out every once in a while, buy your honey nice things, and put even more money away for rainy (and sunny) days. So off to work you go and you’ll return sometimes tonight. Maybe before the late news ends and David Letterman begins.
While you’re away working, working, and doing more work, which, by the way, you thoroughly enjoy, your family is missing you. Your kids miss you not seeing them off to school or taking them to school. They miss you not visiting their school to eat lunch with them, going on field trips, reading to their class, or even knowing what their classroom looks like. Your babies miss you not helping with homework and dinner, playing a quick game of Uno®, chess, Barbies and Bratz, or basketball, and they miss your voice reading a story at bedtime. Sure, your kids appreciate the checks that pay for tuition, after-school activities, food, clothing, and shelter, but they’d gladly give it up to spend more time with you. They miss you.
Your honey misses you, too. Honey admires the way you help provide for the family and lovingly takes on the residual tasks because of the long hours you work. But honey misses your style and brand of calm and unflustered parenting. Honey misses the partnership and camaraderie it takes to raise strong, healthy, responsible, and conscientious children. After the kids have been put to bed, your honey misses catching up on the day with you and making plans for the next day, and as the evening winds down, honey misses pillow-talking with you, cuddling with you, making love with you, then falling asleep next to you. Your honey’s grateful for all you do to help keep food, clothing, and shelter available, but honey would gladly give it up to spend more time with you. Honey misses you.
When you lay your head on the pillow tonight, listening to the quiet in your home and watching your honey-love sleeping next to you, imagine not having your family around. The lump you get just thinking about that is the same lump they get when you’re away from them and they miss you madly. They want face time. They want you. They need you.
Consider cutting back your work schedule and finding the balance between home and work. Family is about harmony, happiness, and being together, and both you and they deserve that.
Sadiqqa © 2007
-- Yahoo Horoscope
You’ve got to have enough money to make your bills, the groceries, tithes and offerings, and savings, for when those are fulfilled, things flow pretty smoothly for you and your family. You also want to maintain your home, the family’s wardrobes, pay for the kids’ education, eat out every once in a while, buy your honey nice things, and put even more money away for rainy (and sunny) days. So off to work you go and you’ll return sometimes tonight. Maybe before the late news ends and David Letterman begins.
While you’re away working, working, and doing more work, which, by the way, you thoroughly enjoy, your family is missing you. Your kids miss you not seeing them off to school or taking them to school. They miss you not visiting their school to eat lunch with them, going on field trips, reading to their class, or even knowing what their classroom looks like. Your babies miss you not helping with homework and dinner, playing a quick game of Uno®, chess, Barbies and Bratz, or basketball, and they miss your voice reading a story at bedtime. Sure, your kids appreciate the checks that pay for tuition, after-school activities, food, clothing, and shelter, but they’d gladly give it up to spend more time with you. They miss you.
Your honey misses you, too. Honey admires the way you help provide for the family and lovingly takes on the residual tasks because of the long hours you work. But honey misses your style and brand of calm and unflustered parenting. Honey misses the partnership and camaraderie it takes to raise strong, healthy, responsible, and conscientious children. After the kids have been put to bed, your honey misses catching up on the day with you and making plans for the next day, and as the evening winds down, honey misses pillow-talking with you, cuddling with you, making love with you, then falling asleep next to you. Your honey’s grateful for all you do to help keep food, clothing, and shelter available, but honey would gladly give it up to spend more time with you. Honey misses you.
When you lay your head on the pillow tonight, listening to the quiet in your home and watching your honey-love sleeping next to you, imagine not having your family around. The lump you get just thinking about that is the same lump they get when you’re away from them and they miss you madly. They want face time. They want you. They need you.
Consider cutting back your work schedule and finding the balance between home and work. Family is about harmony, happiness, and being together, and both you and they deserve that.
Sadiqqa © 2007
May 9, 2007
Don’t just plant a seed. Stay to watch it bloom.
-- lam
This season, you tried your hand at having a garden, but when you planted, you just placed the flower and plant seeds anywhere and only sparingly provided water and light to help the seeds sprout. Believing in the resiliency of nature, you really thought you’d done enough by just planting the seeds and leaving them to find their own direction for popping out of the ground and creating something beautiful and aromatic. But all the seeds did not pop up, and those that did, didn’t have enough sustenance to grow towards the sky. They instead stayed close to the ground, wilted quickly, and died an early death.
Think of our children. There are those who have simply been placed anywhere – without care, consideration, or a single drop of knowledge about how to bloom where they’re planted. Caretakers only provide the minimum for keeping these babies alive until it becomes too cumbersome, challenging, or even uninteresting. Then, the little care they’ve given is taken away and the saplings are left to find their own route for standing tall and proud. Many of them are resilient and capable of making their lives push through the dirt and dust. But there are far too many neglected children to be left alone.
But we don’t stick around to help them grow and define their paths. It’s no wonder our homes, schools, and streets are filled with so many unresponsive and unfulfilled children.
Children come into this world designed to receive love and attention, and the slightest neglect is internalized and, ultimately, turned against the Self. Some of our babies live in homes where a parent is absent; some live in homes where the parent who is there is unavailable. Some homes are abusive; some are too restrictive; and others are not really homes at all. They’re simply places where people stay so they don’t have to live under bridges, in shelters, or on borrowed couches for the evening. There’s no love, no compassion, and no regard for any members in the house. Our babies have no idea how to grow productively in such states and environments.
But when someone enters the life of one of these children, someone who is committed to not only planting seeds into an undeveloped, yet fertile life, but who is also available for watering dreams, providing light that shows a way, and fresh air that keeps the senses alert, that child can thrive. When that someone also provides the right temperature – an even, peaceful demeanor and lifestyle – and talks to the child sweetly, gently, and without disdain, that baby can feel loved and supported, which are the cornerstones for making healthy and righteous decisions about ones life.
We all know children who fit this description. You may have even been one of these children. What if no one had believed it was their responsibility to plant seeds in you AND spend time and energy helping you become the wonderful being you are now? What if they got started but later left you on your own? You may have made it, but it certainly would have been harder and taken longer.
Think of our children. Take one, or a few, by the hand and lead them. No matter how wayward they seem or become, stay to help them grow.
Sadiqqa © 2007
-- lam
This season, you tried your hand at having a garden, but when you planted, you just placed the flower and plant seeds anywhere and only sparingly provided water and light to help the seeds sprout. Believing in the resiliency of nature, you really thought you’d done enough by just planting the seeds and leaving them to find their own direction for popping out of the ground and creating something beautiful and aromatic. But all the seeds did not pop up, and those that did, didn’t have enough sustenance to grow towards the sky. They instead stayed close to the ground, wilted quickly, and died an early death.
Think of our children. There are those who have simply been placed anywhere – without care, consideration, or a single drop of knowledge about how to bloom where they’re planted. Caretakers only provide the minimum for keeping these babies alive until it becomes too cumbersome, challenging, or even uninteresting. Then, the little care they’ve given is taken away and the saplings are left to find their own route for standing tall and proud. Many of them are resilient and capable of making their lives push through the dirt and dust. But there are far too many neglected children to be left alone.
But we don’t stick around to help them grow and define their paths. It’s no wonder our homes, schools, and streets are filled with so many unresponsive and unfulfilled children.
Children come into this world designed to receive love and attention, and the slightest neglect is internalized and, ultimately, turned against the Self. Some of our babies live in homes where a parent is absent; some live in homes where the parent who is there is unavailable. Some homes are abusive; some are too restrictive; and others are not really homes at all. They’re simply places where people stay so they don’t have to live under bridges, in shelters, or on borrowed couches for the evening. There’s no love, no compassion, and no regard for any members in the house. Our babies have no idea how to grow productively in such states and environments.
But when someone enters the life of one of these children, someone who is committed to not only planting seeds into an undeveloped, yet fertile life, but who is also available for watering dreams, providing light that shows a way, and fresh air that keeps the senses alert, that child can thrive. When that someone also provides the right temperature – an even, peaceful demeanor and lifestyle – and talks to the child sweetly, gently, and without disdain, that baby can feel loved and supported, which are the cornerstones for making healthy and righteous decisions about ones life.
We all know children who fit this description. You may have even been one of these children. What if no one had believed it was their responsibility to plant seeds in you AND spend time and energy helping you become the wonderful being you are now? What if they got started but later left you on your own? You may have made it, but it certainly would have been harder and taken longer.
Think of our children. Take one, or a few, by the hand and lead them. No matter how wayward they seem or become, stay to help them grow.
Sadiqqa © 2007
May 8, 2007
You teach your child the value of fun when you demonstrate a positive attitude toward life.
-- Eileen Shiff
At the park, she ran to the playground and began climbing the monkey bars with ambitious abandon. When she reached the top, she shouted, “Look at me, mommy!” You clapped at her feat as you sat watching on the nearby bench. As you watched her move about the apparatus, moving freely and having the time of her life sliding down the slides over and over, you asked yourself where your own sense of fun went. When was the last time you had fun, the kind of fun that makes you belt out a good, hearty laugh? As a matter of fact, you think, what is fun? Have you become so serious and rigid about life that the only fun thing you do is watch your kid on the monkey bars? At that thought, you decide to get off the bench and join your baby on the slides, yelling, “Look at mommy! Woo Hoo!”
And once all the other parents got over the shock of seeing your big assets on the slides, they tuned in to your merriment and, now, you’re all taking turns going down the slides! And the kids love every moment of it!
When we grew up and got kids (or did we get kids then grow up?), we got so caught up in the business of making substantial lives for our families that we encased ourselves in tunnel vision – only able to see what to do to keep clothes on, a roof up, and food within. We didn’t include fun in the program, and if we did, it was planned for a week or 2 in late summer. What then do our children surmise from this? That we’re too busy to have fun; life is too busy, too serious, or too big to take time for what’s pleasurable; fun should be relegated to a particular time; adults aren’t fun; and having fun is just for kids. We’re teaching our children that having fun, relaxing, and enjoying life stops when one moves past the age of comfortably fitting in a slide at the playground, and we’re ultimately creating solemn kids who’ll live and lead in a less than amusing world.
Everything we do, our kids do. If we want to raise children who are always serious, who don’t know how to live freely and fully, and who will not know how to have as much fun as their bodies and minds will allow, stay on the bench, watching and clapping. Change their course. Run, jump, skip, and turn flips (visit your chiropractor first). Ride a bike, climb a tree, fly a handmade kite, kick a soccer ball, then run barefoot in a field of tulips and calla lilies! Laugh out loud; sing out loud; talk to yourself out loud! Be spontaneous! Who cares if people stare? Your joy may inspire them to live with a little more excitement. But know this, your kid will certainly delight in you zaniness and passion, and that’s what matters.
Sadiqqa © 2007
-- Eileen Shiff
At the park, she ran to the playground and began climbing the monkey bars with ambitious abandon. When she reached the top, she shouted, “Look at me, mommy!” You clapped at her feat as you sat watching on the nearby bench. As you watched her move about the apparatus, moving freely and having the time of her life sliding down the slides over and over, you asked yourself where your own sense of fun went. When was the last time you had fun, the kind of fun that makes you belt out a good, hearty laugh? As a matter of fact, you think, what is fun? Have you become so serious and rigid about life that the only fun thing you do is watch your kid on the monkey bars? At that thought, you decide to get off the bench and join your baby on the slides, yelling, “Look at mommy! Woo Hoo!”
And once all the other parents got over the shock of seeing your big assets on the slides, they tuned in to your merriment and, now, you’re all taking turns going down the slides! And the kids love every moment of it!
When we grew up and got kids (or did we get kids then grow up?), we got so caught up in the business of making substantial lives for our families that we encased ourselves in tunnel vision – only able to see what to do to keep clothes on, a roof up, and food within. We didn’t include fun in the program, and if we did, it was planned for a week or 2 in late summer. What then do our children surmise from this? That we’re too busy to have fun; life is too busy, too serious, or too big to take time for what’s pleasurable; fun should be relegated to a particular time; adults aren’t fun; and having fun is just for kids. We’re teaching our children that having fun, relaxing, and enjoying life stops when one moves past the age of comfortably fitting in a slide at the playground, and we’re ultimately creating solemn kids who’ll live and lead in a less than amusing world.
Everything we do, our kids do. If we want to raise children who are always serious, who don’t know how to live freely and fully, and who will not know how to have as much fun as their bodies and minds will allow, stay on the bench, watching and clapping. Change their course. Run, jump, skip, and turn flips (visit your chiropractor first). Ride a bike, climb a tree, fly a handmade kite, kick a soccer ball, then run barefoot in a field of tulips and calla lilies! Laugh out loud; sing out loud; talk to yourself out loud! Be spontaneous! Who cares if people stare? Your joy may inspire them to live with a little more excitement. But know this, your kid will certainly delight in you zaniness and passion, and that’s what matters.
Sadiqqa © 2007
May 7, 2007
Houses without children are quiet. But so are graveyards.
-- Author Unknown
Before the kids, your life had peace and quiet. It had order. Everything had a place and everything was in its place. Your grocery bill totaled $50 tops every 2 to 3 weeks, and your grocery items did not include Princess toothpaste, Bob the Builder cereal, or extra cheesy pizza Lunchables®. The television was yours; no TV shows with Disney characters or yellow sponges that hung out with starfish, squids, crabs, or squirrels in bubbles. Your frown lines were not as pronounced; a play date was just for you and that special somebody to “play”; and driving a van, mini or otherwise, was for parents whose lives revolved around the kids and the numerous and assorted activities per kid.
Oh, the nostalgia of it all!
Now, after the kids, not only is everything out of place, you don’t even remember where the places were to begin with. Your grocery bill, cable bill, and gas bill (for the minivan, of course) are double – no, triple what they used to be. And the noise! Geez, could we just get a little peace and quiet?!
The things we did before our kids came on the scene seem fabulous now. When things get wild around the house, for many of us, it has become customary to think on the days when things felt simpler, were quieter, and were all about you. You were responsible only for yourself. You only had to keep up with your clothes, your schedule, and your stuff. You didn’t walk around picking up this and that or stepping on that little thing. And you didn’t walk around sour-faced sounding like your mother.
But in the next breath, you couldn’t imagine your life without your kids; they’re the greatest things that ever happened for you. You didn’t know you could love this way or this hard, and you don’t know how you would have developed patience, tenacity, or grace had you not been CALLED to be a parent. Yeah, you’ve got frown lines. But your laugh lines and happy heart – both from laughing at preschool innocence and preteen attempts at looking like a Cheetah Girl or the next big rapper or pop star, while still needing to be tucked in at bedtime and kissed before leaving the house – far outweigh the creases in your brow.
Sure you’d love just a little more quiet, a little more time for yourself, and just once, you’d like to sit on the toilet without being interrupted with stares, question, or just general comment. But having that beats the alternative of being without your children at all.
Here’s to our children, the noise and all.
Sadiqqa © 2007
-- Author Unknown
Before the kids, your life had peace and quiet. It had order. Everything had a place and everything was in its place. Your grocery bill totaled $50 tops every 2 to 3 weeks, and your grocery items did not include Princess toothpaste, Bob the Builder cereal, or extra cheesy pizza Lunchables®. The television was yours; no TV shows with Disney characters or yellow sponges that hung out with starfish, squids, crabs, or squirrels in bubbles. Your frown lines were not as pronounced; a play date was just for you and that special somebody to “play”; and driving a van, mini or otherwise, was for parents whose lives revolved around the kids and the numerous and assorted activities per kid.
Oh, the nostalgia of it all!
Now, after the kids, not only is everything out of place, you don’t even remember where the places were to begin with. Your grocery bill, cable bill, and gas bill (for the minivan, of course) are double – no, triple what they used to be. And the noise! Geez, could we just get a little peace and quiet?!
The things we did before our kids came on the scene seem fabulous now. When things get wild around the house, for many of us, it has become customary to think on the days when things felt simpler, were quieter, and were all about you. You were responsible only for yourself. You only had to keep up with your clothes, your schedule, and your stuff. You didn’t walk around picking up this and that or stepping on that little thing. And you didn’t walk around sour-faced sounding like your mother.
But in the next breath, you couldn’t imagine your life without your kids; they’re the greatest things that ever happened for you. You didn’t know you could love this way or this hard, and you don’t know how you would have developed patience, tenacity, or grace had you not been CALLED to be a parent. Yeah, you’ve got frown lines. But your laugh lines and happy heart – both from laughing at preschool innocence and preteen attempts at looking like a Cheetah Girl or the next big rapper or pop star, while still needing to be tucked in at bedtime and kissed before leaving the house – far outweigh the creases in your brow.
Sure you’d love just a little more quiet, a little more time for yourself, and just once, you’d like to sit on the toilet without being interrupted with stares, question, or just general comment. But having that beats the alternative of being without your children at all.
Here’s to our children, the noise and all.
Sadiqqa © 2007
May 4, 2007
We are all trying to improve our lives, even if we don’t make the right decisions in our attempts. Sometimes we forget that everyone is struggling with change.
-- Patrice Gains
At any given moment of any given day, each of us can be found caught in the throes of efforts to change. At any given time, each of us can be seen trying to make a decision to grow this way or that way. We’re all shedding, stripping, pruning, and threshing at the same time, though for different reasons and in different ways. While we know change is good, the trouble comes when we fail to see that others are doing this same thing at this same time. And we’re all unsure, confused, and impatient about how to go about it, which ultimately makes us a bunch of unpleasant people to be around.
While it’s impossible to resist change, for it comes no matter what, it is possible to be gentle and kind with others while you and they grow. The key is to remember that they are children of an awesome God and they were placed on this earth for the sole purpose of serving God. You’ve got to remember that they are human and humans make lots of mistakes. You’ve got to know change changes and you have to give people who are trying to grow room to do so; for one day their change may look one way, the next month or year, they’re on to something else greater and better for themselves. You’ve got to give them credit for even acknowledging a need for change and for having the courage to even attempt such feats.
Come to think of it, while you’re being gentle with other people, be gentle with yourself as you grow, remembering the same things about yourself. If you can do this, then perhaps it will become easier to view others this way. Then, others’ attempts at growth may not feel so annoying, disturbing, harsh, or personal and you can actually go about your business growing and blessing others as they move along their path.
Change is good, inevitable, and we’re all undergoing it. Embrace it in yourself and don’t forget to embrace others who are growing. We all need to know we’re on the same team.
Sadiqqa © 2007
-- Patrice Gains
At any given moment of any given day, each of us can be found caught in the throes of efforts to change. At any given time, each of us can be seen trying to make a decision to grow this way or that way. We’re all shedding, stripping, pruning, and threshing at the same time, though for different reasons and in different ways. While we know change is good, the trouble comes when we fail to see that others are doing this same thing at this same time. And we’re all unsure, confused, and impatient about how to go about it, which ultimately makes us a bunch of unpleasant people to be around.
While it’s impossible to resist change, for it comes no matter what, it is possible to be gentle and kind with others while you and they grow. The key is to remember that they are children of an awesome God and they were placed on this earth for the sole purpose of serving God. You’ve got to remember that they are human and humans make lots of mistakes. You’ve got to know change changes and you have to give people who are trying to grow room to do so; for one day their change may look one way, the next month or year, they’re on to something else greater and better for themselves. You’ve got to give them credit for even acknowledging a need for change and for having the courage to even attempt such feats.
Come to think of it, while you’re being gentle with other people, be gentle with yourself as you grow, remembering the same things about yourself. If you can do this, then perhaps it will become easier to view others this way. Then, others’ attempts at growth may not feel so annoying, disturbing, harsh, or personal and you can actually go about your business growing and blessing others as they move along their path.
Change is good, inevitable, and we’re all undergoing it. Embrace it in yourself and don’t forget to embrace others who are growing. We all need to know we’re on the same team.
Sadiqqa © 2007
May 3, 2007
When do we give up on children? Never!
-- A. Duncan
Each of us know or have seen children that the rest of the world has given up on. Maybe they don’t live on the right side of town. Maybe they don’t speak up, speak well, or they speak too much. Maybe their grades aren’t so good and their behavior is even more abhorrent. Maybe they pick fights, threaten other children, and disrespect authority. Maybe their clothes are torn and raggedy, too small, too big, or not clean. Maybe they just don’t look like they want to or can be helped.
On any given day, thousands of children are abused, neglected, and made to feel unimportant and worthless. On most days, these same children enter schools and are expected to produce as effectively as children who don’t experience the same woes. When these children act out or are otherwise unresponsive, they are then thought of and tagged as bad, lazy, and unreachable children. They get separated from other children – possibly in self-contained classrooms with other kids who also have a sundry of personal obstacles; stripped of privileges; and shunned by most every adult they come in contact with – all precursors to the forming of objectionable social skills and subdued confidence and self-esteem. Then, they grow up and become the sunken-eyed lawbreakers we see on the evening news who’ve lived hard lives with few, if any, successes.
Because nobody stopped to help. Or if they did stop, they didn’t stay. They gave up because the layers were too many, the hole was too deep, and the need was too wide. Those children, turned adults, got left behind.
Every child, given sincere encouragement and time, shown love, patience, and kindness, and exposed to useful and consistent models of righteous living, can succeed. By taking a little more time with a struggling child and making him or her feel as though they were the most important kid in the world, that baby’s life can be turned around. It’s not easy. By no means is it easy. And, it’s not quick. And often, your attempts are wrecked because the kid has to return home to an environment that is less than affirming. But each day you try it again and again until finally, one day, the kid returns to you and you only have to repeat 30 times what you had to repeat 60 times the day before. You take the small victories as indication that change is coming and this is no time to give up.
By teaching a boy to stroke a paint canvas with a brush and colors, you may keep him from painting the town with a spray can. By showing a girl how to climb a wall or rappel a mountain, you increase her sense of self and confidence. By not giving up on children, even when they look like they don’t want to try, you help them reach their greatest potential and move the nation toward sustainability.
When do we give up on children? Never!
Sadiqqa © 2007
-- A. Duncan
Each of us know or have seen children that the rest of the world has given up on. Maybe they don’t live on the right side of town. Maybe they don’t speak up, speak well, or they speak too much. Maybe their grades aren’t so good and their behavior is even more abhorrent. Maybe they pick fights, threaten other children, and disrespect authority. Maybe their clothes are torn and raggedy, too small, too big, or not clean. Maybe they just don’t look like they want to or can be helped.
On any given day, thousands of children are abused, neglected, and made to feel unimportant and worthless. On most days, these same children enter schools and are expected to produce as effectively as children who don’t experience the same woes. When these children act out or are otherwise unresponsive, they are then thought of and tagged as bad, lazy, and unreachable children. They get separated from other children – possibly in self-contained classrooms with other kids who also have a sundry of personal obstacles; stripped of privileges; and shunned by most every adult they come in contact with – all precursors to the forming of objectionable social skills and subdued confidence and self-esteem. Then, they grow up and become the sunken-eyed lawbreakers we see on the evening news who’ve lived hard lives with few, if any, successes.
Because nobody stopped to help. Or if they did stop, they didn’t stay. They gave up because the layers were too many, the hole was too deep, and the need was too wide. Those children, turned adults, got left behind.
Every child, given sincere encouragement and time, shown love, patience, and kindness, and exposed to useful and consistent models of righteous living, can succeed. By taking a little more time with a struggling child and making him or her feel as though they were the most important kid in the world, that baby’s life can be turned around. It’s not easy. By no means is it easy. And, it’s not quick. And often, your attempts are wrecked because the kid has to return home to an environment that is less than affirming. But each day you try it again and again until finally, one day, the kid returns to you and you only have to repeat 30 times what you had to repeat 60 times the day before. You take the small victories as indication that change is coming and this is no time to give up.
By teaching a boy to stroke a paint canvas with a brush and colors, you may keep him from painting the town with a spray can. By showing a girl how to climb a wall or rappel a mountain, you increase her sense of self and confidence. By not giving up on children, even when they look like they don’t want to try, you help them reach their greatest potential and move the nation toward sustainability.
When do we give up on children? Never!
Sadiqqa © 2007
May 2, 2007
I just told myself to hang in there ... and hopefully get some momentum, and I did.
-- Pete Sampras
Here we are a quarter into the new year. It’s a new season, the last frost has come and gone, and we’re looking forward to opening our windows and letting the fresh air in.
Checking our new year to-do-list of resolutions and solutions, 1) we can now move our exercise regime outside. Since we’ve been keeping fit so well and hard, the 10 miles per day we do on the inside track will feel like a fresh breeze when we run them outside;
2) since daylight savings time started, we’ve risen in time with the sun and commenced our ritual morning prayer and Bible study, then listened to Bishop Jakes on the television while we dressed and got our day started; and
3) the weight we’ve lost and body we’ve toned are worth showing off and preserving. With the change in season, we can now eat even lighter foods and more fresh fruit. Eating what we ate before January then lying down and taking a good nap now feels so sinful and disloyal, we can’t imagine how we ever let ourselves do that in the first place.
Stop right there? Why? You’ve lost the momentum for all that? Back in mid-March? Well, join the club. The momentum fell away for many of us reading this scribe even before March.
Somehow we got sidetracked away from the resolutions and solutions we zealously began at the beginning of the new year. Somewhere along the way we lost our momentum and energy for completing the goals we aggressively set and started. Perhaps we got bored. Maybe we realized we bit off more than we could really chew. Maybe we had no support in accomplishing our goals. Maybe we weren’t in the right frame of mind when we made them, or we were attempting the goals for the wrong reasons. Or, maybe we believed we had arrived at the intended goal so we decided to rest awhile. Or, just maybe we forgot we’d made the plans to begin with. Whatever the reasons we lost our drive, we’ve ultimately given in to the purpose and devices of the enemy and here we are a quarter into the year and little has changed in and for our lives.
So the resolution was to read the Bible cover to cover and you’re stuck somewhere in 2 Samuel taking as long as the Jews took to get out of the wilderness. Well, they finally made it out. Keep reading, you’ll make it out of the Old Testament, too.
Your plan was to take off 25 pounds before summer began, but you noticed you weren’t losing any mass. In fact, your mass was becoming muscle, and while pleasing, you still wanted to lose weight. Becoming discouraged, you decided to slow down to an abrupt stop. Now when you exercise, the blood circulating in your legs makes you itch so badly, you put off exercising until you can handle the burn. Today, handle the burn.
You’d planned to save lots of money to take a great vacation this year, but between the new tires, a brake job, 2 root canals, and simply trying to feed your family squarely each day, the money you’ve saved will only get you a trip to the neighborhood park. Keep saving anyway.
We’re only a quarter into the year. Even if the momentum of your resolutions and solutions has waned, you’re not doomed or done unless you completely give up and, if you recall, giving up was not on your new year to-do-list of resolutions and solutions, so there’s no momentum for that.
Sadiqqa © 2007
-- Pete Sampras
Here we are a quarter into the new year. It’s a new season, the last frost has come and gone, and we’re looking forward to opening our windows and letting the fresh air in.
Checking our new year to-do-list of resolutions and solutions, 1) we can now move our exercise regime outside. Since we’ve been keeping fit so well and hard, the 10 miles per day we do on the inside track will feel like a fresh breeze when we run them outside;
2) since daylight savings time started, we’ve risen in time with the sun and commenced our ritual morning prayer and Bible study, then listened to Bishop Jakes on the television while we dressed and got our day started; and
3) the weight we’ve lost and body we’ve toned are worth showing off and preserving. With the change in season, we can now eat even lighter foods and more fresh fruit. Eating what we ate before January then lying down and taking a good nap now feels so sinful and disloyal, we can’t imagine how we ever let ourselves do that in the first place.
Stop right there? Why? You’ve lost the momentum for all that? Back in mid-March? Well, join the club. The momentum fell away for many of us reading this scribe even before March.
Somehow we got sidetracked away from the resolutions and solutions we zealously began at the beginning of the new year. Somewhere along the way we lost our momentum and energy for completing the goals we aggressively set and started. Perhaps we got bored. Maybe we realized we bit off more than we could really chew. Maybe we had no support in accomplishing our goals. Maybe we weren’t in the right frame of mind when we made them, or we were attempting the goals for the wrong reasons. Or, maybe we believed we had arrived at the intended goal so we decided to rest awhile. Or, just maybe we forgot we’d made the plans to begin with. Whatever the reasons we lost our drive, we’ve ultimately given in to the purpose and devices of the enemy and here we are a quarter into the year and little has changed in and for our lives.
So the resolution was to read the Bible cover to cover and you’re stuck somewhere in 2 Samuel taking as long as the Jews took to get out of the wilderness. Well, they finally made it out. Keep reading, you’ll make it out of the Old Testament, too.
Your plan was to take off 25 pounds before summer began, but you noticed you weren’t losing any mass. In fact, your mass was becoming muscle, and while pleasing, you still wanted to lose weight. Becoming discouraged, you decided to slow down to an abrupt stop. Now when you exercise, the blood circulating in your legs makes you itch so badly, you put off exercising until you can handle the burn. Today, handle the burn.
You’d planned to save lots of money to take a great vacation this year, but between the new tires, a brake job, 2 root canals, and simply trying to feed your family squarely each day, the money you’ve saved will only get you a trip to the neighborhood park. Keep saving anyway.
We’re only a quarter into the year. Even if the momentum of your resolutions and solutions has waned, you’re not doomed or done unless you completely give up and, if you recall, giving up was not on your new year to-do-list of resolutions and solutions, so there’s no momentum for that.
Sadiqqa © 2007
May 1, 2007
Set your own priorities; evaluate and contemplate the manner in which you are living your life. Live life the way you want to, with your own set of values.
-- Kristine Carlson, “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff for Women”
You are old enough to make your own decisions; actually you’ve been old enough for quite some time. You’re old enough to pay your mortgage, to even have a mortgage. You pay 2 car notes, manage your own stock portfolios, finish the daily Suduko puzzle in less than 2 minutes, and keep dates and events organized in your head better than Einstein could explain his theory of relativity. You take care of your family each day, go to your job each day, and do a darn good job of it all every day.
So why do you keep letting your mama run your life?
And mama’s not just giving you advice; she’s butting her head in everything.
She has a say in what you’re eating and how you’re eating it. She has an opinion about the places you go and the people you spend time with. She tells you what you need to be doing and what you’re doing wrong.
Mama makes design decisions for you home, never considers that you are busy or need quiet time, and when she turns up her nose at what you’re wearing, you immediately decide to give it to the Salvation Army.
Mama even described to you how the Jones’ were doing things so you would be sure to follow suit.
The problem is not mama, though. It’s that you give in to the presence, preferences, and unconscious (or conscious) desire to keep your mama pleased. Her views and attitudes are so ingrained in you that you believe to think and act in any other way than what your mama says is plain disrespectful and you wouldn’t hear of disrespecting this woman who has spent her life making sure you were happy and comfortable.
Okay, starting now, get your own life! Make yourself happy and comfortable.
Mama (or daddy, grandmama, the boss, your kids, whomever) has opinions about life and its functions that she’s gelled and thrived on forever. She even raised you on them so they can’t be all that bad. But you’ve got some opinions and ways of thinking and doing of your own, ways that you’ve established over your many years of experience and maturity. You’d be able to express them if you would stop giving mom carte blanche to all parts of your life. You could really set your own traditions, priorities, lifestyle, and interests if you weren’t afraid you’d hurt mama’s feelings if you didn’t try to please or defer and concede to her.
Is it your problem if mama‘nem’s feelings are hurt because you decided to be a big kid and make your own decisions? Or is that their problem? Slap yourself silly if you took that on as yours.
This is not to say you should forget or dismiss everything mama ever taught you about living. The jewels of her life experiences are valuable, proven, and worth heeding as they so often present the best way of going about things. However, you’ve got some gems too that work and bring about the exact results you’re looking for. They shouldn’t be neglected or thwarted either in favor of someone else’s, even if it is mama.
Trust yourself, set your own priorities, and make your own way. Mama‘nem may balk at the idea of you making your own choices. After all, they’ve always had a say – okay, they always had the final say. But at some point they’ll get over it. Then, they’ll get their own life.
Sadiqqa © 2007
-- Kristine Carlson, “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff for Women”
You are old enough to make your own decisions; actually you’ve been old enough for quite some time. You’re old enough to pay your mortgage, to even have a mortgage. You pay 2 car notes, manage your own stock portfolios, finish the daily Suduko puzzle in less than 2 minutes, and keep dates and events organized in your head better than Einstein could explain his theory of relativity. You take care of your family each day, go to your job each day, and do a darn good job of it all every day.
So why do you keep letting your mama run your life?
And mama’s not just giving you advice; she’s butting her head in everything.
She has a say in what you’re eating and how you’re eating it. She has an opinion about the places you go and the people you spend time with. She tells you what you need to be doing and what you’re doing wrong.
Mama makes design decisions for you home, never considers that you are busy or need quiet time, and when she turns up her nose at what you’re wearing, you immediately decide to give it to the Salvation Army.
Mama even described to you how the Jones’ were doing things so you would be sure to follow suit.
The problem is not mama, though. It’s that you give in to the presence, preferences, and unconscious (or conscious) desire to keep your mama pleased. Her views and attitudes are so ingrained in you that you believe to think and act in any other way than what your mama says is plain disrespectful and you wouldn’t hear of disrespecting this woman who has spent her life making sure you were happy and comfortable.
Okay, starting now, get your own life! Make yourself happy and comfortable.
Mama (or daddy, grandmama, the boss, your kids, whomever) has opinions about life and its functions that she’s gelled and thrived on forever. She even raised you on them so they can’t be all that bad. But you’ve got some opinions and ways of thinking and doing of your own, ways that you’ve established over your many years of experience and maturity. You’d be able to express them if you would stop giving mom carte blanche to all parts of your life. You could really set your own traditions, priorities, lifestyle, and interests if you weren’t afraid you’d hurt mama’s feelings if you didn’t try to please or defer and concede to her.
Is it your problem if mama‘nem’s feelings are hurt because you decided to be a big kid and make your own decisions? Or is that their problem? Slap yourself silly if you took that on as yours.
This is not to say you should forget or dismiss everything mama ever taught you about living. The jewels of her life experiences are valuable, proven, and worth heeding as they so often present the best way of going about things. However, you’ve got some gems too that work and bring about the exact results you’re looking for. They shouldn’t be neglected or thwarted either in favor of someone else’s, even if it is mama.
Trust yourself, set your own priorities, and make your own way. Mama‘nem may balk at the idea of you making your own choices. After all, they’ve always had a say – okay, they always had the final say. But at some point they’ll get over it. Then, they’ll get their own life.
Sadiqqa © 2007
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