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Mar 6, 2007

No one can persuade another to change. Each of us guards a gate of change that can only be opened from the inside. We cannot open the gate of another, either by agreement or by emotional appeal.
-- Marilyn Ferguson

No matter how hard you try, you just can’t get them to change. You’ve tried convincing them of the merits of your position by applying what you believed to be a rational and thoughtful argument. You’ve tried persuading them with charm and humor. You’ve repeated yourself over and over, using different words each time. You’ve badgered them; bullied them; you’ve even withdrawn from them. Your final tactic was to cry uncontrollably hoping that an emotional appeal would influence a “W” in your column. Nothing, not one thing, has changed.

But if only they would do this thing different, you whine. If only they could think about it like this instead of like that, you propose. Geez, they should..., you plead. Don’t they know your lives would be so great if they would just get it together and do what you need them to do when you need them to do it? “If I could just convince you,” you declare, “that my way IS the best way, certainly we can get along and make the future brighter for ourselves.” But they just won’t act right.

Well, guess what? They’re thinking the same thing about you.

Or not.

Maybe they’ve realized that the only person they can ever change is themselves, and to try to make someone else change just because the situation is uncomfortable or unfamiliar is pointless or not worth sacrificing the time spent on just Being. Maybe they know that people only change when they want to and are ready to, and forcing change only leads to obstinance, resentment, and ultimately, rebellion. And the thing they want you to do is stop your pushing right now before it gets to the point of mutiny on the Bounty with your shi--p sailing somewhere adrift in the dark with no place to dock.

Stop using so much energy trying to change them or make them see that your answer is best. Just Be. Be who you are. Be whose you are and let them do the same. Decide for yourself whether you can tolerate their fixed position. If you can’t, don’t and get over it. But, if you can hang around holding your horses for if and when they decide to change, or at least meet you somewhere in the middle, do so. But, chill, stop pressing; just Be. It will pan out.

Sadiqqa © 2007

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