So sweet the journey when you learn to love yourself

So sweet the journey when you learn to love yourself/accept yourself/forgive yourself/respect yourself/believe in yourself/be yourself with amazing grace as your constant friend.
-- Dianne Reeves, "Testify"

 

Once upon a time, I believed I had myself together. I believed I knew who I was and where I was going. I knew what I liked and what was unacceptable to me. I gave myself a new name and took up the mantel of making sure everybody else knew who they were, too.

Now? Well, now I still have all that going on but the vision of who I am has become somewhat blurred. I've inadvertently allowed the trimmings of life to interfere/disorder/confuse my impression of who I believe I am, and now? Let's just say perception is only a fraction of reality.

So I've decided that in this season of completion ("Thought…, 11/22/10"), it is imperative (and divine) that I mentally/emotionally revisit some "places" – past and the more present – and make an accurate assessment of how those "places" have operated in my life/how they dictate some of the things I do. My mama told me not to be too hard on myself and I assured her that I would not be. But I do have to be honest with myself about me.

Several times before, I've sought to get at the truth of who I am, and I've been pretty successful in coming up with answers and living this self – for the time being. As God graces you with the privilege of aging and you learn more about yourself, it's necessary to align what you're learning with what you already know, throw out what's false/propaganda, and be about the business of presenting your most authentic self – for the time being. Since we're always in the process of becoming/evolving/shedding, whether it's conscious or automatic, the need to take another good look keeps your feet on the arrow of purpose. If you don't take a look, you may become inundated/overburdened with basket full of maybes and possibilities/assumed roles/lots of false pretense/a bit of make-believe/confusion/self-betrayal/shame, and all that is hard to undo/recover from.

Trust on that…

Matthew 22:39 says that we should love others as we love ourselves, which means we have to love ourselves before we can really love anybody else. Of course part being able to love yourself is because you know who you are. Without this knowledge, truly loving isn't possible or, it's at least very hard to do.

And, loving somebody else? Geez, that's a whole 'nother set of "Thoughts" in and of themselves! Let's focus on the "easier" part first.

Not only must you know yourself to love yourself and others, you must also ACCEPT yourself, and for some of us, therein lies the problem. It's easy to accept the good attributes, the things that make us wonderful and pleasing to others, but what about the not-so-good things that just make you who you are? Yeah, you're very thoughtful in the ways that you care for your family and friends; ooh, but the way you gossip! Or, you are absolutely ingenious in the way you come up with solutions to tough challenges; but that smart-alecky way you present them leaves a lot to be desired! And even though the not-so-good stuff may be things you can change, knowing/acknowledging that they have made you who you are is just as important as pointing out/crediting the good. Tyra Banks said, "You've got to learn to accept the fool in you as well as the part that's got it goin' on."

Yes. Tyra Banks. That's my source and I'm sticking to it.

It's tough to begin/begin again the process of knowing/accepting/loving yourself, especially with all the noise around you. But you can't always go to the mountain or retreat to the country to spend quiet, reflective time with yourself. Most of us get to do it while taking care of the family, working, and all the other stuff we do, and lots of times we get sidetracked/overwhelmed/unintentionally drawn in to the lives of others which leaves us not doing the continual/immeasurable work necessary for introspection and assessment. We ultimately leave ourselves out, grasping at what works for now and what will cause the least amount of adjustment/conflict/explaining.

But then you realize that you've taken the short end of the stick and you're trying to stir everything in your life with it. Your life is just too big for that disproportionate little stem.

Over the years, I've learned that knowing/accepting/loving myself isn't just about what I like and where I want to go, that's just a part of it. It's about knowing why I like what I do and why I want to get where I want to go. That's the work, trying to figure out the motivations behind who you are. And if those motivations/cause/triggers are ordered by the past – and maybe a past that is not so great, geez, that's harder work to do.

But you gotta start somewhere. And today… or tomorrow. No later than that. It's almost a new year and you gotta get some stuff finished, remember?

In the knowing thyself process, maybe you have to take a look at that gossiping habit and realize how it's caused people to stop confiding in you, something you value. You're going to have to pick apart/dissect the reasons why you've felt the need to gossip and what basic need it serves for you. And maybe once you figure that out, you've tackled a portion of the battle toward replacing this habit with something more virtuous and beneficial to you and everybody in your life.

Or maybe really knowing yourself is a bit more challenging and requires the skill of professional to help you unravel some things that may be guiding (crucifying!) your impressions of yourself and influencing every move you make. You have to be honest/gentle enough with yourself to know how much you can do and when help is required. Honor the self you want to know, accept, and love by getting the helpful support you need.

Because once you get there, oh, how sweet! Actually, the journey's not so bad either if you keep your eyes on the prize – self actualization/clarity/peace. Right now, I'm feeling pretty empowered by the journey.