Be respectful, but keep it real.
-- Michael Baisdon

Perhaps the reason race relations have not progressed is because we don’t talk with one another. Perhaps the reason we don’t talk is because we don’t think the other listens. Perhaps they don’t listen because sometimes when we Black folks talk, we tend to shout.

Who in the hell wants to be yelled at?

There’s a fine art to getting your point across. It takes savvy. It takes gracefulness. It doesn’t require that you shout, point fingers, place your hands on your hips, or roll your neck. Likewise, keeping it real doesn’t mean you have to call somebody on the carpet or, for affect, add expletives to the truth as you shout in people’s faces. The truth can be heard without all the drama.

At all times, though, say what needs to be said and to whom it needs to be said. Never be afraid to voice your opinion and needs, for thoughts left unspoken remain only thoughts.

So how should you tell others how you feel and what you need? Again, it’s all about art. Case, in point –

Your workplace is made up of lots of people, but the majority of them are not your race or ethnicity or religion or gender or whatever. You find in many cases that you have become the posture child for your race, ethnicity, religion, or gender and feel on occasion innately responsible for representing the difference and showing the office that your people are actually astute folks who should be considered and revered. Mostly, however, you spend a lot of your time feeling tired from representing and resentful because your officemates have prejudices.

But on days when you can stomach the differences, you go about making friends, real friends with whom you share things in common. You begin to earn their trust as well as that of the office for knowing and doing your job well, and being an upstanding person with a pleasing personality and a natural facility to care for others. You present yourself as fair, approachable, likable, reliable, knowledgeable and professional, and as your officemates begin to rely on you as part of the office team, your opinions and needs become integral to the culture and environment of the office. And –

BAM!!,

There it is! The point that you can stand up and speak up about the issues that are on your mind. The point where you can have honest conversation and have your arguments and beliefs received as credible and worth listening to. It is only after you have presented yourself as one of the team to be respected and valued that you can be heard and taken seriously about anything. You may even be able to throw in a neck or eye roll at that point.

You still can’t shout though. Nobody wants to be shouted at.

This doesn’t mean they’ll change their minds about the differences, but at least you’ve gotten your ideas across. Maybe somebody’s mind and life will be changed. It starts with just one anyway.

The point is, keeping it real doesn’t mean you have to shout or be mean or even dredge up years and lifetimes of injustices. All you have to do is be respectful, trustworthy, and truthful. Speak up, but speak righteously.

Sadiqqa © 2007