Stop when you’re full.
-- Cynthia Copeland Lewis, “Really Important Stuff My Kids Have Taught Me”

Remember when your mama said you could not leave the table or take a drink until you’d eaten everything on your plate? Remember that she said you had to play outside or inside, not both, so stop slam’n that screen door!? Remember when you had to kiss and hug everybody at the party goodnight when it was time for you to go to bed, even that great aunt with the bad Polident® grip?

Well, today you’re a grownup and you never have to do any of that again. As a matter of fact, you don’t have to do much of what you don’t want to do ever again. Aside from the essentials like going to work, paying the bills, eating, sleeping, and a plethora of other odd fundamentals, whenever you think you’ve had enough, just stop.

Which can actually be one of the hardest things to do. For example, how easy is it to stop loving someone even when that person has taken your head and heart through so many hurtful places? You want to stop, you want to not feel; you’ve had enough, it’s hurting you. But, you just can’t stop.

Or, how easy is it to let go of a job that’s not taking you anywhere, that’s comfortable and stable, even though comfortable and stable aren’t increasing your pay or bringing you satisfaction? You gotta feed the kids, right?

And how easy is it to stop enabling your first-born child who depends on you to bail him out of his troubles, so much so you’ve mortgaged your home again just to post bail, jeopardized your mental, and subsequently, your physical health worrying over his well-being, and not moved him any closer to the resolution of his issues? How easy is it to stop holding up your baby and just let him go to fend for himself and learn his lessons the hard way?

It’s not easy. Something deep in our spirits pushes us to go on, to give more, give it another try, and stay until it’s all said and done. After all, not stopping is our claim to fame, that’s what got us to this point and place in our lives. Had your great ancestors stopped when enough was enough, would you even be reading this scribe?

Maybe. Maybe not. But for the sake of your own welfare and that of your children and those watching, if you’ve had enough, by all and any means necessary, stop. When you pronounce that you’re full and don’t want anymore, when you push back from the table of selfish and insensitive relationships, self-denigration, doubt, fear, resentment, depression, and loneliness, then you can make thoughtful and appropriate decisions and changes in your life. It is only then that you can really say you are a grownup.

Sadiqqa © 2007