Before falling in love, I was defined. Now I am undefined, weeds are growing between my ribs.
-- Joyce Carol Oates

When you were single, you thought knew everything you needed to know about yourself. You knew what made you happy. You could specifically identify why you were feeling a certain way, and you clearly understood the direction in which your life was headed. You could control most things in your life and knew exactly how things would respond to you in return.

Then you went and got partnered up...

Let it first be said that there is beauty, solace, and sacrosanctness in being part of a couple. Being loved, feeling love, and loving in return are the foundations upon which nations are built and the phenomena that keep many homes intact. Loving someone as completely as you can is the stuff of God by which the angels constantly kiss your forehead. Being in love is such a wonderful thing it makes your head think of nothing else and your heart skip a beat. Which is probably the reason weeds are growing between your ribs – you can’t think to breathe!

When you allowed your partner into your life, into your space, into the intimacy of your heart, the things you thought you knew about yourself became a little fuzzy. You thought you were an eloquent speaker on most topics. Now you find you’re a bumbling idiot who can’t seem to get your thoughts straight, or what you do say sounds like the dumbest @#*% you’d ever said in your life. You once believed your moods were the most even in the world, but now, even the slightest disagreement can turn you into Medusa. Before loving as you do, you thought you had life all together. Now you don’t even know whose life you’re living, or, on some days, whether you’re living at all. Sometimes you even think that being single was much less trouble. At least you could sleep in the middle of the bed and walk around on Sunday afternoons in the unsexiest pajamas you owned. Well, you could still do that now, but you’d have to hear your honey’s mouth or see the repugnance on their face. And that’s new, too; before love, you didn’t care what anybody thought. Now...

All kinds of new things about you have come to the surface since you began loving your honey; things you had no clue about, things that make you feel you’ve lost yourself.

But, in fact, you’ve been found! Whether you know it or not, or believe it or not, your partner is helping you to grow into your true Self, the Self you were always meant to be, the one you could not be without having experienced the love you’re in now. So what if you can’t always find the words you need to complete a sentence? Isn’t that what honeys are for – to understand us enough to complete our sentences? You may arbitrarily turn into Medusa, but if you’ll recall your Greek mythology, Medusa, whose name is synonymous with “defender,” was considered beautiful and relished her ability to protect herself; perhaps your preservation instinct is reserved for your honey as well. And really, isn’t it better to pull life together with someone who loves you no matter the weather, tenor, ugly pajamas, or intensity of life?

You’re not lost; you’re stretching, expanding, opening up, and becoming. Don’t be afraid, don’t shy away. Enjoy getting to know more of yourself and enjoy being in love.

Sadiqqa © 2007