Small boys become big men through the influence of big men who care about small boys.
-- Anonymous

I used to believe that because I am every woman, if I ever had a son, I could be for him everything he needed. I knew that I could teach him how to treat both women and men as well as instruct him in perfecting his manly swagger and employing the proper standing posture for urinating. In my years of being a staunch and audacious Feminist who believed men were useful – just not to me – I thought that I would be able to single-handedly make a boy understand what it really meant to be a man.

Thank God for miracles. I have a girl and she restored my faith in men. And I have since sent my bleached and haggard Feminist robe to the tailor’s for a newer fit.

The give and take – mostly give – of being a mother certainly pales any other feat one can undertake. Living a life of a nurturing, protecting, multi-tasking, always-on, disciplinarian is not an easy thing to pull off during your every breathing moment. Making a living so that you and your baby can enjoy living are monumental tasks when you begin to dissect what each of the moments call for. Sacrificing while still smiling and finding joy amid the most mundane events and occurrences are staples of motherhood that are not for the faint of heart.

Yep, everything else pales in the face of motherhood.

Except fatherhood. Motherhood does not pale or replace the role of a good father.

Being a good father means the same as being a good mother – nurturing, protecting, multi-tasking, always-on, disciplinarian. It means making a living, sacrificing, and keeping a contented face in the midst of it all. But as a father, a man brings a special dynamic, a sort of “edge-smoother” to the loose – sometimes frayed – ends that every child has in order that the kid may be and feel covered and whole. A father defines a part of life that is exclusive only to his language and explanation, and in which only a child can understand from him. For a child to hear the same details about life from a mother is like listening to Charlie Brown’s teacher – whamp whamp wahamp whamp whamp!

A father’s perspective of life, the ways he sees the world, how he experiences life, and maneuvers among others in the world, are as germane to how a child perceives him or herself as that child’s own breathing is necessary for living. Where a mother’s yin tells of life to be and come, a father’s yang lays the paths for that life to be experienced. Yin alone cannot complete the story; yang must add the nuances and reverberations that help give the story life.

There is absolutely no way a child, boy or girl, can understand what it means to just BE without the hope, help, and guidance of a father.

While my own father – Jesus, bless his sweet heart – has been blessed (chuckle) with 2 girls, I’m convinced had he the opportunity to father boys, he would have done the same great awesome job with them that he’s done with me and my sister. A good father is a good father for all – girls and boys.

So, from a reformed Feminist, here’s to fathers and men everywhere who make the lives of children possible, positive, practical, and prosperous. God bless you!

Sadiqqa © 2007