It no longer bothers me that I may be constantly searching for father figures; by this time, I have found several and dearly enjoyed knowing them all.
-- Alice Walker

Lots of us did not grow up with our biological fathers. Some of us never had the opportunity to sit with those fathers and learn from them or see ourselves growing into a person who looks like him and has his mannerisms and inflections. There are those of us who never had the chance to really know him and the things that were important to him so that we could decide how those things made us who we are. For some, maybe the years have passed and we no longer care about that absent father.

But in his absence, there appeared many other men who served in some capacity as a father. Perhaps there was Granddaddy who was a constant, the one who kept you and mama stable with steadfast and proven love, comfort, and support. Maybe you had a biological Uncle who took you under his wing and treated you as his own. Or, maybe you had a big brother who let you tag along and protected you when things seemed too big and too much.

Maybe mom remarried or had a special friend and he treated you as though you were his very own offspring, cooing you as a father should and making provisions for you to be where and who you are today. Maybe mom had many special friends and you were able to eke useful nuggets from each of them in which to frame your outlook of life. Perhaps there were men in your church who offered fatherly advice or men in the community – a baseball coach, scout leader, or camp counselor – who provided you with guidance and helped you to recognize and value the contributions men make to the larger community.

Maybe over the years you’ve made friends with older men who offered the tenderness and dependability found in a father. Maybe the older gentlemen you’ve befriended have given you the gumption and courage you need to go forward, reach further than you believed you could, and offered a pat on the back that said more than words could ever say. Maybe your older man-friend is like an old oak tree whose strength and endurance remind you of God, the greatest Father, and His presence in your life.

And perhaps that’s what God intended for He knows each of us intimately and knows what we – us and our biological dads – need. Maybe he knew dad could not be there and placed other dad figures in our life to be what we needed. Maybe it took all of the men we came in contact with to replace the father your biological father could not be. Maybe we got everything we were supposed to have from those who were around.

Sure it’s hurtful that your biological dad didn’t or couldn’t stay. You still have many questions. But The Father never left you alone and gave you representatives of Him to ensure you were as covered as you needed to be. Thank God for men who care and give us what we need in the absence of those who just couldn’t stay.

Sadiqqa © 2007