When you open your heart, you are ready for communion and your lovemate appears. You aren’t looking for perfection. You see a relationship as a chance for both you and your partner to unfold and develop. When you are loving, you are doing God’s work. You are living the truth of your being; you’re in perfect balance, so you feel strong and secure. You’ve come to the relationship with a full cup. You have love bubbling up inside you, so you’re not needy, not looking for your partner to give you what you are giving yourself. Your honey’s love adds sweetness to an already satisfying life. Loving gives you grace and divine understanding. You love your partner despite any faults – because you love yourself in spite of your own.
-- Susan Taylor

Well that’s a mouthful, huh? Sounds like something from one of those relationship-building, self-help, inspirational/motivational books that’s got all the answers about how to live your life in perfect harmony with your partner, huh? The rich and affirming language probably reminds you of poetry and prose suitable for couples who dance and sway to their song every day of their loving lives, huh? You’re hearing birds chirp beautiful melodies and each song they sing accentuates the true and lasting love found and made between two people who have found a home in one another, huh?

Okay, my bad. The words aren’t that syrupy.

But they can feel like it when you’re struggling to love and accept your Self despite your collection of stumblings and shortcomings and allow someone in your life who brings the potential of true and lasting love. Those flowery words can certainly feel foreign, out of reach, and unconvincing when you feel like an empty container that can’t be filled because you can not get beyond your mistakes, how you’ve hurt before, self-pitying self-preservation, and pride. And, no matter how the one who’s trying to love you pushes, presses, and shows themselves approved, you can no more accept Susan Taylor’s words as truth than you can accept that there’s a man on the moon watching you as you read this.

Each of us is undoubtedly flawed, but each of us is still deserving of true love. We deserve to be in intimate relationships that affirm and complement who we are and make us feel as though we are supported, covered, and capable of doing anything we set our minds to simply because we’ve got true love and a great honey on our side. It is when we can nurture ourselves through our stuff, still believe we are capable and clever beings, and forgive ourselves for any frailties and mistakes that we can lovingly and unselfishly accept the love we deserve into our life and intimate space. But not before then.

Can you look beyond your faults, see beyond the obvious, know that brighter days are just beyond the bend, and work toward wholeness; or will you continue to wallow in self-pity, tear yourself apart, and stay unglued? If you do the latter, any and all words of love will seem sugary, idealistic, and worthless.

In order to receive the love you deserve from someone else, you must first give your Self the love you deserve. The same level of gentleness you expect to receive from your partner is the same, if not better, that you must give to yourself. If you can’t and don’t give it to your Self, don’t try it on somebody else. It just won’t work. I t fails every time.

The first step toward greeting the words of truth above is doing what you need to cultivate inner peace. Anything else is futile.

Sadiqqa © 2007