When you are standing in front of the mountain, resist the feeling of overwhelm. Move the piece of sand closest to you; that [one that] is easy to pick up.
-- Iyanla Vanzant

That project is a monumental undertaking. It’s got bits and parts and pieces to it that will take well over the allotted time and patience you’ve budgeted for. There is so much to do to make it all happen – place a call here, meet with these people, then meet again with another set of people; form many mini focus groups, conduct market surveys; draft a proposal; run the numbers with the accountant; hash over legalities with the attorneys; check in again with management; make sure the signatures all happen on the same day; develop the brochure, write the press release, send the obligatory thank you messages. Just thinking about it has made you tired, stressed, and wanting to stick your head back under the covers.

For the hundredth time you’ve told your kid to clean her room and it seems no threat convinces her of the seriousness of your command. “Clean your room!” you bark. “Do it now!” you demand, but nothing happens except tears, obstinance, and frustration on both ends.

You love him, he loves you, and you know right now, at this very moment, he is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. Thus, you commit yourself to him, leave your home and your job just to be in a place near him. Two months later you are headed to mama and daddy’s house, insulted, disappointed, and broke because he told you he was not ready, needed more time, and was scared out of his mind.

We always see the big picture and try to take on the whole thing at once instead of breaking the task into small and manageable parts. In most cases we bite off more than we can chew and try to swallow it whole with nothing to wash it down but exhaustion and exasperation. There’s no way to accomplish that big project without a list, a competent team to delegate to, and a good night’s rest each night. Without any of them, how could you successfully accomplish the project? And, it’s almost impossible for a child to follow a hollow plan like “clean your room!” without a specific flowchart – “put your dirty clothes in the hamper; close the hamper. Pick up each crayon, marker, and piece of artwork you’ve created and place them in the art basket. Make you bed with the sheet pulled all the way to the top of the bed with the ends tucked under the mattress, then put your three favorite dolls on the bed and the others in the toy chest, ...”

And, of course, when you take the relationship slowly, step-by-step, and little-by-little, you get the opportunity to court, as grandma an’ ‘em used to say. You get the chance to look at him as he manages his life, watch yourself as you negotiate a relationship with him, figure out if you can tolerate his stuff, let him determine whether yours is within livable limits, and get to know most of what you and he need to know in order to determine whether you even want to discuss a future together. All that does not happen in a day’s time, and, in some cases, even within a year.

Don’t try to do it all immediately. Take your time and ask for help in getting the big things accomplished. Chip away slowly at the mountain, develop and follow your plan, and in time you’ll find that the mountain is now only a hill, or better yet, a level piece of land. Remember climbing anything makes your calves strong and you need that physical strength to keep you moving and chipping away at the other mountains.

Sadiqqa © 2007