When we love someone our love becomes demonstrable or real only through our exertion – through the fact that for someone (or for ourselves) we take an extra step or walk an extra mile. Love is not effortless; to the contrary, love is effortful!
-- M. Scott Peck

The person that told you love would be easy - that all you gotta do is love them, stay beside them, tell them how special they are, then love them some more - should be slapped in the mouth with a fat fish. The movies and 30-minute situation comedies make love look so easy, logical, and salvageable. By the time the credits roll, everything is hunky dory, love has conquered all, the Neilson ratings put this show at number 1, and the Oscar goes to…

You've even got some friends that make love-giving and -receiving appear simple and painless. Always laughing together, going out on dates together, even dancing under the moonlight when they feel the urge. Bless their hearts. Shoot them.

In your years of experience, you've come to know that love-giving, -receiving, and -keeping are just not easy, even on a sunny day with no clouds in sight. In some cases, love and its expressions have looked like a job that pays only enough to keep the house note paid and the lights on, but never enough to feed you. Sometimes love and its stuff look like the mug shot of a wiry-haired blind schizophrenic - not pretty, never stable enough to focus or hold your energies, causing you to be paranoid about its existence in your life, but caught, nonetheless, in its grasp.

The pull and tug you go through just to keep love flickering tire your emotional muscles. The redefining of what you thought you knew about love, about yourself, and about human nature become second nature, but only if done in concert with your lover, through consistent and honest communication, and a desire to use the new definitions and subtexts for reaching your next levels together. Love requires hashing and rehashing until it becomes something strong and serviceable. You've got to look deeply into your lover and open yourself to him or her, going to the very bottom, throwing out stuff that won't work here, and filling in the gaps with salve, glue, tears to douse and revive dry bones, vigorous laughter that echoes and bounces around like a racquetball, and fervent prayers to keep it all stitched up and functioning. And none of this is easy or effortless; sometimes it's downright drudgery. As a matter of fact, it may require an advanced degree with ongoing professional development!

The only reason your friends can love this way is because they've put in blood, sweat, and tears work. They've gone the extra mile and taken the extra step, over and over again. And it's only because they did this they even want to keep laughing and dancing with one another. They have become doctors of love. Yeah, go 'head, look to them.

Don't fool yourself, it's not easy. If you want love - real solid, gutsy, scaling-all-buildings love - you've got to work at it. Anything less is a sit-com and should be put out of its misery.

Sadiqqa © 2007