The renowned scholar and rights leader W.E.B. DuBois recalled that after a speech on the problems faced by black Americans before a group of prominent whites, a white woman approached him and asked, “Do you know where I can get a good colored cook?”
-- from “African American Humor: The Best Black Comedy from Slavery to Today”

To some it does not matter who you are or what you’ve accomplished, you’re still just a (your descriptor here). You can have set the world on fire with a speech, song, new idea, or an old idea made better. But to mama‘nem, you’re still the snotty-nosed kid from Cedar Street or that girl or boy who cut up in school and stayed in the principal’s office. Even the people in Jesus’ hometown asked, “Ain’t you Joseph’s boy?” implying that he was just Jesus from the block.

You never live stuff down and people always remember you when. Some folks can’t see you as anything else. Some, as in the case of DuBois, want to reduce you to nothing more than what they believe or what makes them comfortable.

So how do you respond to this? Well, you can get busy reminding folks who you are – “I have no idea about any chef. I’m a world-renowned writer and lecturer, a crystal among the Talented Tenth, fighting to alleviate the racist problem of the 20th century for African people.” You can tell them where to go – “I’m certain you could ask someone else in the room if they have such knowledge about your inquiry. I, on the other hand, find very little value in involving myself in such menial tasks and you can, therefore, kiss my [undoubtedly something very academic would have been stated here.]”

Or, you can get past the apparent insult and its intention, not let the air be knocked from you, and quickly, privately, and confidently remind yourself that just because others want to remain subject to old, limiting, and undignified beliefs, you don’t have to buy into their bite. Perhaps you can believe and accept that maybe you are the best source of information this person has, so you then provide them with an informed and gracious counter that leaves you both with dignity. Maybe your response gives your detractors greater clarity and respect for your current station and makes it politely clear that his or her statement was out of place.

Perhaps being the best (and, in some cases, only) source of information makes you an expert of sorts, doesn’t it? Use this status; take it to the bank and milk it – “Ma’am, the best chef I know is already occupied, but I’m certain if you buy my book and DVD series entitled the “Best Chefs around These Parts,” you’d find others who could prepare meals that would completely satisfy your palate. Thank you for asking.”

You can be stunned and stumped by people’s reactions to you, or you can choose the healthier action – move on and be the bigger (and richer) person.

Sadiqqa © 2007