She is not perfect. You are not perfect. The question is whether or not you are perfect for each other.
-- Robin Williams, from the movie "Good Will Hunting"

You're a night owl; she's a morning person, powered each day by a rich cup of fresh brewed Peruvian java! You'd love a home in the mountains; for him, mountains mean de-icing the car at 5am and shoveling the snow just to get to the car. You want to read, he wants to talk – about work. You want steak for dinner; she prefers tofu and sprouts. You want to hang out with the boys; she wants you to stay in with her, again.

There are no rods spared on the kids' behinds around your house. But you can guarantee when they aren't, you and she, who doesn't believe in butt whippings, will have some terse words. She just bought another pair of "must-have" black shoes. This after last night's conversation about better budgeting, spending less, and saving for rainy days to come. Your work hours have become longer and more erratic; she and the kids seemed to have developed a new life of their own. She wants to make love with you for the fourth time this week; you're physically drained from working and remind her, "Baby, it's just Tuesday."

Sometimes the person we love and choose life with exists on our opposite pole, and it often seems unlikely that you and he/she could ever meet and create peace and agreement between you. You wonder how you ever accepted such huge differences in your outlooks and behaviors and whether you just need to simply acquiesce to the differences because that's just who you and he/she are. And, well, life really isn't that bad… right?

Because you and he/she love one other and are committed to a loving, lasting relationship, and because you know he/she wants to move beyond these differences, there is no way you can simply give in and become even further apart. You've got to find mid-points and connecting pieces that create balance for the relationship, balance that helps each partner see themselves in the other and find themselves at a perfect spot, in a perfect place, with the differences flattened to mere footnotes.

Maybe the mid-points look like this – "If we live in the mountains, we both shovel the snow at 5am or park the car at the end of the hill and walk down to it together." "Hang with your boys Thursday or Friday night, but Saturday night belongs to me." "Let's talk about which behaviors warrant beatings instead of breaking off a switch for everything." "I will limit my work to the weekdays and turn my cell phone off after 9pm." "I'll evenly spread my love-making requirements out through the course of the week, if you'll not work so much on the weekends and after 9pm."

Or some negotiation and balance thereof.

You owe yourselves opportunities to find your center, draw from one another, and make the differences mesh. Remember that her spontaneity and unconditional faith in you attracted you to her in the first place, and your respect and need for his stability, drive, and sexiness are the traits that keep you regarding him as home. It's up to you two to reconnect and link those opposite parts that make you one entity, whole, and perfect for one another.

Sadiqqa © 2007