Go back to bed.

'Go back to bed', said the omniscient interior voice, because you don't need to know the final answer right now, at three o'clock in the morning on a Thursday in November. 'Go back to bed,' because I love you. 'Go back to bed,' because the only thing you need to do for now is get some rest and take good care of yourself until you do know the answer.
-- Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love


For a few weeks, I've been asking God the same questions – "Where're you taking me?" "What's going on?" "What will it look like?" "What am I gonna do?" "What if…?" And, to each of these questions, I've gotten the same answer–


(((crickets)))

Really, God? I can't even get the slightest hint of what's getting ready to happen or how it's all gonna turn out? Just a word/some clue?

 

… (((crickets)))

So, (((sigh)))…


But, what I have heard God say is keep going to water aerobics and the gym so I can work my big assets off. He told me to keep eating and eat well, making sure I have plenty of fruits, vegetables, and water. He told me to keep the Shea butter, Echinacea, vitamin C, and chapstick handy for these winter months. And He told me that since I bought the gummy vitamins because I thought they'd be much easier to take, I should take them every day.


God told me to be kind to my Self, to enjoy my Self. He told me to keep doing the things I like to do – read, write, watch some movies, listen to good music. But He also told me to go outside and get some fresh air, get out of my house where everything feels sad/cluttered/reminiscent of dreams deferred. And He told me that while I was out, I should go see what I can see, see what's been happening out in the city/outside the city/in the big wide world. God said live!/explore!/be adventurous!/be!


When I asked God, "what am I gonna do?," God told me to take some stock in my Self, to take a shot at loving me fully – not my things/what I do/what I have/someone else – me. He said love me and everything I am! God said to look inside my head and give this fabulous brain of mine some dap for figuring out how to navigate through the murkiness/uncertainty of the world around me. He said to cup my heart and embrace it so I can feel that it's still beating no matter how much disappointment/setback it receives. God told me to look in but not to forget to look up and out. He told me to keep looking up so my spirits could stay up, too.


Every time I ask my Father the "what if" questions, He tells me I am His precious lamb. He says that He loves you very much and has His hand on me for something special (1 Thessalonians 1:2 MSG). He tells me to prepare my Self in all ways for what is to come. When I ask Him what that is, He reminds me that to wait on Him will prove favorable/worthwhile/precious/sure and I won't be able to "round up enough containers to hold everything God will generously pour into my life…" (Romans 5:3 MSG)


God told me not to forget that I am capable of showing/receiving deep love, of dreaming, of laughing loudly and telling some funny-assed jokes. Okay, God didn't say ass, but that's how I received it. God told me to visit with my friends, make some new and different friends, and keep my lines of communication open. He told me everybody has a story to tell, that I should listen for Him in all of them, but that I should steer clear of those whose message dripped of confusion/foolishness. He said that's just the enemy trying to get one in, trying to enter the gate to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10).


When I asked God where exactly was He taking me, He deflected my question by telling me to just sit still. He said instead of asking Him that question, focus on where I am right now/how to make the most of the best I have right now/how to be the very best in/at what I have control of right now. And He told me to stop borrowing more than 2 books at a time from the library, at least until I had read everything He was saying to me in the stack of Bibles lying at the foot of my bed.


God told me instead of continually asking Him all these questions, these questions that I had laid on His altar weeks ago, let Him do the work that's required to produce an answer. He told me the more I ask, the more it stays in my feeble, finite and flawed hands/understanding and out of His boundless and omnipotent power. God promised He would handle it in His time and His way. So, He said, chill, have faith, trust Him for all things, and do what He told me to do.


And, geez, does God know me! He knows that if I did have the answers I was looking for – just as I was looking for them – I wouldn't pay attention to the journey. I'd do something to mess it all up and miss some fabulous lessons. I would certainly miss me.


So, I'll do my best to pull up on the questions. I'll try to do an even better job of doing just what He said. For now, there are no hard and fast answers. For now, there is guidance for the meantime.


The wind'll be blowing pretty hard today. God's telling me to wear my hat and scarf and to wear some tall socks.