I have loved and been loved by others. But it was not the right time. Right man, wrong time: wrong man, right time – until now, that was the story of my life. And now, finally, the right man at the right time. For sure, even with the right person it will be a struggle.
-- Renita J. Weems, Listening for God

When the person of your dreams – the knight in shining armor or the other half of your rib –sweeps into your life, you may feel you’re already walking around heaven in garments of silk and slippers of gold. You feel healthy, whole, and liberated; your outlook is glossy, your future is bright. No task is insurmountable and you are the person God created you to be. When the person you’ve felt breathing your name and singing your spirit’s ancient song finally takes form, everything in your life begins to find order and it all makes sense. “Thank you God! At last it’s right!” you proclaim from the highest mountain.

What a beautiful thing – especially if you can keep all that beauty in the front of you as you begin to deal with the stuff in relationships that’s not always so grand.

See, this magnificently perfect person that has suddenly and blessedly danced into your life comes with a separate mind and sense about life. He or she comes with history and experiences, and, sometimes, your honey comes with overflowing and potentially disruptive baggage that they’ve carried around for years. If you don’t approach and take in hand these certainties with honesty, care, coherency, and intentionality, your beautiful thing could turn ugly and the right person at the right time could slip away.

Needless to say, you and your honey have some differences that on occasion create misunderstandings or uncomfortable moments. You may not see eye-to-eye about a thing, and you may be altogether different in the way you approach finding a solution to the problems you face. In any given situation, you may want to retreat to your familiar and easier to navigate solo space, running back to the comfort of your cocoon and zipping the door shut so that nothing about your honey can even penetrate your casing. But the right honey at the right time won’t let you stay away and will sensitively and patiently unwrap the layers and handle your newness with grace because she needs you for air and you in turn need her for life.

Your honey may be a planner, a strategist, a blueprint follower; the greatest Bonaparte since Bonaparte. But you, on the other hand, shoot at a target by the notion of the moment and the seat of your pants. Honey may hastily spend his last dollar; you, by contrast, may still have your very first dollar. Your honey-love may beat around the bush to make her point; you, instead, are a straight shooter – no ifs, ands, buts, stutters, you knows, or long thoughts to make your point. Now, you and your right time honey can submissively and unconditionally decide to ignore the variances, calling them mere idiosyncrasies not worthy of discussion or examination – in which case, you can’t later heatedly declare the differences in behavior and practice work your nerves since you quietly accepted their existence on the front end. Or, you can lovingly dissect the differences, turning them over this way and that way to look at them and find the common thread or middle ground that helps you reach shared goals. If you and honey-love can work through the distinctions, respect the experiences by which those distinctions were created, and fix your individual Selves for what those differences require of both of you, then you’ve conquered a third of your battle, and the rest of the time can be spent jointly pouring through the baggage that spilled all over the place while you were merging lifestyle differences.

If you’re not careful, all that stuff you’ve been dragging behind you – you know, the stuff you’ve ignored and left unexamined that has ruled your interactions with every single body you’ve come in contact with over the years – can get in the way of your right time. Sometimes your right honey has to wade through so much muck that it becomes difficult for him or her to see what’s ahead and make conscientious decisions about how best to love you. Sometimes getting past the chaos, confusion, and unrest is so much work that it is actually easier to just be your friend, or a passing acquaintance. But if you will deliberately and unashamedly do the work of digging through and throwing away for good what’s been ailing you – no matter how badly it hurts to uncover and contend with, you give yourself and your honey a fair chance at making good love last. And because this is the right time and you truly trust your right honey with you, you don’t have to do the emotional work alone.

Nothing good is ever easy, even the righteous occurrences take work. Nor are good things created and maintained overnight; they must be kneaded and seasoned each day. The point is to do the work and stay present; to ask questions and lovingly receive the answers; to stretch yourself, open wide, and feel. Yeah, that’s work, but it’s worth the struggle just to have the opportunity to love and be loved in the way you’ve waited for your whole life. This is the right time to love wholeheartedly and unreservedly, and this time, the for real time, this is the right person to do that with.

Sadiqqa (c) 2008