Not only does The Flavor of Love paint a demeaning picture of male/female relationships and women in general, it also presents the mostly African-American contestants in an embarrassing light...
-- Common Sense Media

Admit it, you watch it. As a matter of fact, you’ve seen all three seasons of The Flavor of Love, its reunion episodes, and cheered when Ms. New York got her own show. You watch the show with your mouth open wide, your nose turned up, and disbelief on your face that somebody so, well... you know. But you watch it. You watch it for its comedic relief and because you just can’t believe it. You watch it and you tell no one about your hour-long breach in judiciousness, your descent into the abyss of ridiculous and unintelligent television programming, and you watch bug-eyed at that train-wreck of a show as it takes off and travels wildly each week through the airwaves, mad that you gotta wait ‘til next week to see “Cutie” yell at “Bootie” and Flav shell out his clocks to the bawdiest contestants you’ve ever seen in your life. Aren’t you embarrassed that you’ve been caught?

(So is the “Thought...,”!)

Here’s what’s really embarrassing. Shows like this are a slap in the face to Black girls and women who have to keep their wheels turning 24 hours a day just to get ahead. This show, and others like it, objectify us, relegate us to eternal positions of jezebels, and receive greater ratings than the shows that project us in serious intellectual and professional stations. Shows like The Flavor of Love push all of us 500 steps backwards and nearly smash apart our efforts at Black female development, advancement, and empowerment. Yet, each week we watch the show.

It’s not so much about the television show as it is about the fact that we’re watching it. We’re in such awe at its outrageousness that we have acquiesced to its base messages – (a) it is necessary to compete and fight over a man and (b) the uglier and louder the fights the more the man will believe you are down for him. How utterly ridiculous is that premise!? Yet, we watch the show each week, boosting its ratings, giving clear sanction to its parent company and the advertisers that this kind of programming is acceptable and pleasing.

Certainly we should consider this and stop watching the show and others like it. But, again, it’s much bigger than the show. Just as we are stupefied by the drama in the hot tub, SO ARE OUR BABIES! And while we can discern what’s done for entertainment purposes, our children aren’t always so clear. Not only are they unclear about what they’re seeing, the messages they are receiving – (a) it is necessary to compete and fight over a man and (b) the uglier and louder the fights the more the man will believe you are down for him – make it difficult for them to distinguish healthy relationships, both male and female and women’s friendships.

By ceasing to view these artless reality shows, three things would happen – (1) the ratings would go down, (2) the programmers would be left with no choice but take the shows off the air, and (3) we could use the time we waste watching the shows to teach and show our children models of what real living looks like. We could teach our girls that bachelor millionaires are hard to come by, and that if and when they do surface, it’s not necessary to parade oneself like cattle in order to marry him. Bigger still, we need to show our girls how to make a million or more of their own!

With that time, we could teach our boys that real dating and mating have very little to do with how much money you have, and if your relationships ever become about money, then a new look needs to be taken. Our boys should understand from us that all girls don’t place priority on money, big cars, houses, or jewelry; that most girls and women are looking for the same core values they are – to be loved and loved well.

It is our responsibility as adults to provide for kids the counter programming that television reality does not offer. We can turn off the televisions and be their source of information about healthy, loving, and lasting relationships in the real world. We can show them how women can trust one another and be friends. We can teach our babies social skills that keep them from resorting to name-calling and spit fights in a fit of anger. We are able to do this, those stinky television shows can’t and won’t.

As long as people watch, there will be narrow-minded shows like The Flavor of Love. But as long as there are shows like The Flavor of Love, there should be a clamoring from us to organize, collaborate, and get in the floor with our children to ensure they are protected and mentally mobilized against the sexism espoused by the thinking behind this and these types of programs. With every free element in your energy and for the perpetuation of our Black Selves, you must thwart the hold dumb and demeaning television programming has on our children.

And on you.

Sadiqqa © 2008