Big girls do cry.
-- Anonymous

Sometimes we get lonely. Sometimes it seems nothing is going our way. Sometimes it feels as though no one is in our corner or available with a strong shoulder for us to lay our head on. Sometimes it’s just one of those days and you just want to curl up somewhere and cry.

But grandmama told you a long time ago that you should be a “big girl” and not cry about it. She said babies cry and Lord knows you left the baby stage many, many years ago. She told you to just suck it up, shake it off, and get over it. You’ll be alright, she said. You’ll be alright because she was.

Was she? Did you ever see your grandmother cry because she was hurting or stressed out? Or did she only want you to see her cheerful and strong so she only cried in the dark or at church where it’s okay for praying and beseeching grandmamas to cry? Do you think grandmama was really alright?

Hopefully by this point in your life you realize that, while grandmama an’ ‘em meant well, that their intention was not to deaden your emotions, but to teach you to restrain your feelings so you wouldn’t be perceived then treated as weak and inferior, maybe they were wrong or misinformed about crying. Maybe you learned that tears were a problem, but now that you’re grown and experiencing life on your own terms, you know that tears are the result of a problem and that their release is in fact natural, curative, and necessary.

Research suggests that tears contain stress-related toxins and other waste products that if not released can negatively impact your health and well-being. If you hold tightly to grandmama’s directive to suppress your tears, your body may be a campground for all kinds of bacteria, viruses, and infections that are the culprits of tumors, high blood pressure, and heart problems. And how relieved do you feel after you’ve had a good cry? You may not have solved the problem that resulted in your crying, but releasing all the toxins makes you feel lighter, cleaner, and sometimes clearer.

Perhaps if grandmama had released her tears freely and more often, the preacher who offered her last rites could have spoken about the condition of her heart and not the murderous heart disease that ended her life.

Don’t deny your tears like grandmama did. Let them go as you let go of the internal messages that have kept you from crying. Grandmama now understands.

Sadiqqa © 2008