I am the Good Shepherd.

I am the Good Shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. The hired had, who is not the shepherd and does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and runs away -- and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. The hired hand runs away because the hired hand does not care for the sheep. I am the good shepherd…
-- John 10:11-14a

In my meditation this morning, Elohim grabbed me up by my nightshirt, shook me around like a rag doll, then set me back down to recover from my human dizziness.

Admittedly, that's often how He has to get my attention.

I've been lamenting lately over a few things. So many things and so much so that I've probably seemed distant to my family and friends. Some of what has been on my mind - stuff that I just can't seem to figure out rationally, stuff that seems to have no human answer, stuff that scares me - has weighed me down, and my response to it has been to retreat from it/pretend it doesn't exist/act as though I'm not really bothered by it/criticize, demean, or punch holes in it/be irritable and unapproachable.

My response has been like that of the hired hand.

Elohim reminded me this morning that I am kin to the Good Shepherd Jesus. God reminded me that He has given me "charge" over a few things and that I am to be like Jesus who laid down his life for His sheep. For me, laying down my life for the sheep He's entrusted me with means being available, patient, and accommodating to them, AND giving them unconditional, ungrudging, and enthusiastic regard.

Unconditional, ungrudging and enthusiastic regard? “You've got to be kidding,” I said to God. That's the part where He jacked me up and made me shamed for even forming such a thought.

See, what if because of my faults and limitations, Elohim decided I had no value, deserved no respect, and was easily disposable? What if my brokenness and confusion made God throw up His hands and leave me? What if my Father judged me the way I judge some things and some others?

What if God stopped caring for my heart just because He didn't feel regarded or connected? What if He didn't provide me with warmth and kindness because He didn't want to be taken advantage of? What if Elohim didn't have time for me, in the same way I don't have time for others because they get on my nerves, aren't like me, or I'm just too danged busy to be bothered?

What if the Provider stopped being on time with the way He supplies my needs, in the same way I make my GG wait for me to want to prepare dinner? What if the Comforter was short with me because He didn't get His way? What if the voice of God I hear in my heart was as bland as the voice I give to others? And, what if God was sullen like me and rained on parades because He had so much to figure out on His mind?

Thank you, Jesus, for not being like me. Thank you for being the Good Shepherd who lays down His life for me. Show me in all my humanness how to do the same for the sheep in my life.

Selah.