I’m choosing happiness over suffering

I'm choosing happiness over suffering, I know I am. I'm making space for the unknown future to fill up my life with yet-to-come surprises.
-- Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

 I've spent a lot of time worrying/unsettled/discontented over a countless number of things – money (not enough of it)/work (too much of it)/love and relationships (little understanding of them). I've worried over my weight, my hair, my hips, my home, and my heart. I've worried that on tomorrow there would be even more to worry about than today.

I've worn worry like it was an exotic perfume. I'd place a dab of anxiety on my neck and chest; slap some fret on my thighs; and smear a bit of melancholy on the pulse points of my wrists, knees, and ankles. Then, I'd leave my house, engage my friends and family, and talk with the babies at school reeking of the rotten smell of worry. I should have tossed that decanter of funk a long time ago. It has chafed and fatigued my shoulders and made it difficult to discern the more pleasant scents of assurance/contentment/joy/fun. How I wish I'd realized earlier that this scent was too heavy for my sanctified frame. Instead, I continued to reapply it every day.

If only I'd ingested Matthew 6:25-34 which implores me to not worry about anything 'cause, very simply, Jehovah Jireh , the God who provides, got me. I wonder how many years I've taken off my life because of so much worry.

Humph, I won't worry about that.

In its place, I'm opting to concern myself with the way Elohim cares and provides for me and how, in the scheme of it all, I've never missed a beat. Sure, I've fallen a few times, scraped my knees and ego, had my heart broken. But Elohim always picked me up and salved me down real good in powerful grace and mercy, breathed fresh and better life/opportunities/possibilities into my mind, heart, and soul so I could keep going/rise to a new level/see, experience, and love a new me. I'm replacing worry for the Word on my life – that Elohim holds my right hand and helps me (Isaiah 41:13), that Elohim will give me rest from my burdens (Matthew 11:28), and that Elohim is always present in times of trouble (Psalm 46:1). Why, then, should I worry over anything?

Instead, I'm choosing to concern myself about things like what kinds of vegetables to plant in my garden next week. Perhaps I'll plant some spinach, bush beans or pole beans, green peppers, and banana peppers. I'll plant some kale or collards, cucumbers, and tomatoes; maybe a few herbs like thyme, rosemary, oregano, and chives. I'm pretty excited about using my dad's tiller. I remember when he had a fabulous vegetable garden every summer! And, I can't wait to channel my grandfather and Aunt Ruby while tending this food in the soil! Imagine how much praying and praising I can do in my own little garden. No worries will be aloud there!

And it's time – past time – to paint my house, both inside and out. Instead of worrying about things I can't change or control, I'm going to chew on whether to paint my bedroom a shade of green that conveys a cheerful, optimistic energy or an earthy shade like "fallen timber" or "fresh brew" to remind me of my wholesomeness, warmth, and honesty. The shutters and porch need a bit of attention – heck, the whole house is in need of love and care. And my yard could use a mimosa or dogwood tree? How about I throw myself into turning my house back into a home instead of throwing myself into a tailspin of worry about what only Elohim is in charge of.

And there was a woodpecker in the neighborhood the other day. How about I watch for her and her other friends (the cardinals, warblers, blue jays, mourning doves, sparrows, and the hummingbird that peeked into my picture window last summer)? Maybe I'll set them up a couple of birdhouses. Instead of distressing over Elohim's children, I'll listen to and watch His morning song makers.

Ooh, and I want to learn Spanish, write daily, and cut myself some slack! Drink some good wine and cook good, healthy food. Dance through the house to Parliament-Funkadelic and Lonnie Liston Smith; talk with my friends over coffee, Moscato, and soul-stirring music. Go hiking and whitewater rafting; vacation by the lake and get up early to watch the fish jump while drinking scrumptious cups of coffee and eating homemade waffles! Coach some people through life, hang out my own shingle, and watch it blow in the wind.

No more worrying or distressing. I'm tired of its weight, stench, and missed opportunities. Sure, some things will cross my mind and make me twist my lips in wonder, but no more agonizing/losing sleep/cocooning. Life is too short and I only have one to live. The bandit of worry has stolen, killed, and destroyed long enough. Jesus came so that I would have life more abundantly and, starting now, I will not continue to dis what Jesus came to do.

I'm making room for the good stuff. No worries, just life's good stuff. Bring. It. On!