… Something to hold me while I’m waiting.

… Something to hold me while I'm waiting.
-- Rev. Monica A. Coleman, Ph.D


I've never been a big fan of waiting. I'm not fond of long lines, the long details before getting to the point, or waiting a long time at the doctor's office.


I hate that it takes the toaster nearly 2 minutes to crisp my waffle. I hate that it takes my coffee pot 4.5 minutes to brew enough coffee to fill my cup. I can't stand that it takes my antiquated computer roughly 7.2 minutes to completely boot up, and I find it absolutely insufferable that it takes the brown truck 15 minutes to be warm enough for me to comfortably drive. I can barely wait for night to fall so I can go back to bed, and I so have an aversion to waking at 4:30 a.m. then waiting for the alarm to go off at 5:00.


It drives me nuts to wait for someone to do something for me. It makes me equally as crazy when I have to wait to get a thing fixed because I didn't wait for someone else to do something for me. I hate waiting for payday. I hate waiting for Friday. And don't put me on a waiting list or tell me to hold on while you take the call on the other line 'cause guess what? I ain't waitin'!


Most of all – I. Hate. Waiting. For. The. Seasons. To. Change.


Now I'm not talking about winter to spring to summer to fall, not those seasons. Well, not necessarily. In a few weeks I'll be pretty sick of waiting for the earth to tilt again and bring on a bit more sunshine. Soon, the wait to see the leaves budding on the undressed trees and hear the cheerful singing birds of spring will have a negative impact on my moods making me sour and salty company. And even when spring does roll around, I'll tire of waiting for summer to turn over, then I'll tire of waiting for summer to end and fall to begin, and so on. That wait is a never ending cycle that I've learned to tolerate. But I'm not talking about those seasons.


I'm referring to the seasons of life, particularly the difficult/uncomfortable periods of life shift and makeover we all go through simply because we're alive. Each of us experiences phases of grief, sorrow, disappointment, loneliness, heartbreak, sickness, distress of some kind. There isn't one of us under God's sun who hasn't been subjected to the lows and recessions that come with living. Doesn't matter how holy and righteous you live, rain falls upon us all. Just ask Job, a man God characterized as "blameless and upright," who, even after losing everything and prodded to curse God, said "… should we accept good from God, and not trouble?"


Oh, for the conviction of Job. And, oh for his patience...


The patience in waiting for the storms/tests/ordeals to be over is part of what makes the hard seasons of our lives the toughest. And if you're like me who hates to wait for many things, your tough season will only be tougher to get through.


So, I have resolved that in order to travail through the season in which I now travel, I have to exercise a little lot more patience – and stop hating so much of the waiting. There are tools and tackle I am using to comfort and instruct me as I attentively/intentionally wait and wade through this time in my life. I have things I'm holding to while I wait.


First and foremost, I regularly seek Elohim's desire for my life right now. On my nightstand and in the basket by my bed are several Bibles. I have four versions – the NIV, the New International Reader's Version (NIRV), my dusty King James, and the conversational version of the Bible, The Message. I switch back and forth between them as I try to understand what God is calling me to do/be/feel/know/learn at this time. I even carry a small Good News Translation of the New Testament, Psalm and Proverbs in my purse just in case I get tripped up while I'm outside the house. It's possible, y'know.


Every morning – once I get over waiting for 5:00 – I thank Elohim for another day then reach for my freshly charged Blackberry where several devotional emails and feeds await me. I start with BibleGateway.com's "Verse of the Day", which reminds me of Elohim's covering over my life and keeps me centered as I take my first few conscious breaths of the day. I then scroll to the Upper Room Daily Reflections to read expressions of Elohim's goodness and reread the week's lectionary scriptures. Then I read The Christian Meditator to be sure I've got my mind wrapped around Elohim before I even attempt to take on the new mercies of the day.


There are quite a few other devotionals and blogs I read throughout the day and week. I especially enjoy Girlfriends in God, Daily Reflections from the Upper Room's Alive Now, and the Upper Room Daily Devotional one of my favorite friends dutifully sends me each day. (Bless you, Robert!) For further encouragement as I shed the unnecessary stuff in my life, I read awesome blogs about simplifying my life like Be More with Less; Zen Habits; Living the Balanced Life; and Becoming Minimalist. And among the many blogs I've stumbled upon, I absolutely love, love, love! Positively Present because it encourages me to stay alert to right now – not on what happened yesterday or what may happen tomorrow.
    
I love to read, but I also love to sing. I'm listening to and singing music that inspires me and encourages me to feel life, its perplexities and joys. Singing with my church choir feels really good, even when we're playing around and remembering the words to "Felix the Cat!" And last night, I sat on my den floor with my humming and popping Donny Hathaway, Roberta Flack, Switch, Andre Crouch, and Crusaders albums singing at the top of my lungs! That was great, guttural feeling.


And, I'm cooking! Got me and my kid on weekly meal plans! No more eating out unnecessarily. I've found I end up with a little more pocket change when we eat this way. Eventually, pocket change adds up. I'm waiting for that… patiently waiting.


Therapy, family, my church, a little exercise, and a solid group of friends who are venturing and waiting through their own seasons keep me grounded and focused on right now and being alright. They keep me from balling up in the fetal position, pulling the covers over my head, and crying my eyes out until the uncertainty/upheaval/disorientation of this journey is over. And each of them, in their own way, let me know that a chilled bottle of De Bortoli Emeri Pink Moscato is also good while waiting. In moderation, of course.


Most importantly, my GG helps me stay on purpose and walking as gracefully as I can through this season of mine. She watches my expressions and hangs on to my moods watches me as I walk and grow in faith – and she watches when I throw my personal tantrums because the waiting feels too long. GG watches me as I learn to truly love and honor myself, and she's listening to me when I tell her that she should always guard against losing herself or allowing anyone to water down her salt or dim her light (Matthew 5:13-14). Because God gave me earthly charge of my girlchild, I've got to show her not only a faithful and obedient posture, but one that's authentic so that she has seen how to both fall apart AND put yourself back together. I have to stay hopeful and anticipatory about life's possibilities so that she can too. And you and I both know that takes a whole lot of energy so I have my hands full. So full that taking my time in this season is not only imperative, it makes sense!


So I'll wait patiently for God and with all the things and people that seem to have been designed just for this season in my life. And, who knows, maybe I can help somebody while they're waiting for their season to change.