Love letters make love stay visible. You can rub it, smell it, touch it, share it, and sleep with it under your pillow. Write a love letter on a bed sheet with magic markers; sleep under it. Write a love letter on the sidewalk with purple chalk really big. Write a love letter in the sand and leave it to wash away. Write a love letter to yourself, listing all of your finest qualities. Rave about you then mail it to your house. Write a love letter on a cotton scarf with India ink; give it to someone. Design your own stationary and use it. Make a love letter box and keep romance in it.
-- Sark

Dearest,
If a tree is me and an eagle is you, then, can we say we are a part of nature? If I love you very hard, so hard that you can feel me needing you from a thousand miles away, can we say our bond knows no distance? If I sing you a song, a song with blushing sentiment, or, if I write you a poem filled with all the adoration I can compose, surely we can say the language is intimately ours.

If all that I enjoy of life -- the sun shining on the ocean, the innocence of animals, the newness of Spring, the excitement of falling in love -- and all that I wish for -- happiness, affection, purpose, and certainty -- is magnified in you, I know that I can say God is listening to my appeals.

If we dwell in our own world, a world that no one and no thing can penetrate, and if we call this world our private and trusting space and bring to it only what is real, strong, and absolute, and if, as that world revolves around us, it sustains our mental and physical capacity, allowing us to create, advance, and improve for the good of one another, can we say that our world is all we need?

If I dream of you distinctly and consistently, longing to touch you, longing to feel your warmth and response to each stroke of my hand on your handsome and sensual frame, and if I whisper your name throughout our love-making, tell you that I love you, hold you very tightly and make you promises at the height of my pleasure, certainly we can say our arousal and emotions are parallel. And if I share with you everything that is deep within me, each habit and secret, each pain and worry, each mood and indifference, and if I bring to you all of my enthusiasm and zest for living,
and the undying optimism for the lives around me, can we say that all of me is
exposed and in your hands, trembling for a balance?

If we become the best of friends, the most sensitive lovers, and if everything in our
individual lives falls properly and in our favor, can we say we have defined completely the meaning of love? If all that I feel for you can be embraced in one word, can I say forever?

Sincerely .......

Sadiqqa © 1994

It is not our responsibility to prove to people who we are. Our job and responsibility is to “be.”
-- Iyanla Vanzant

Most of the hours of our day are spent trying to convince someone of our value. We’re forever on our toes, always looking over our shoulder, and constantly breaking our backs just to prove we are irreplaceable and indispensable. And what do we have to show for it? Headaches.

Today, stop spending so much of your time trying to show folks that you are valuable, that you have a contribution, and that you are worthy to be heard. Instead spend your time breathing, smiling, laughing, eating, sleeping, and slowing down. Complete your work with consciousness, not competition; live with and love your family and friends with honesty, not confrontation; and move about the world with gentleness and consideration, not force or gruffness. Exhibit excellence in your work and style by simply being and doing the best you know how. Not better than, not greater than, but with the most confidence and precision you can muster. If you can spend your time focused on these things, if you can rise above trying to bear out your significance, you can eliminate unnecessary aches and pains.

After all, when it’s all said and done, people will think what they want, whether you do anything or not. Spend your time just being. Your truth will surface and say all that needs to be said.

Sadiqqa © 2008

My task as a believer is not to inspire those who come out to hear me to believe, but to help open up a space in each of them so that belief, if it ever comes, may have someplace to take root and grow.
-- Renita J. Weems, “Listening for God”

We want to make a difference in the lives of those around us. We teach and instruct, train and model, and do our very best to shape and mold. We give our all hoping that those we touch will go out and do a good thing in, to, and for the world.

But sometimes doing what we do, putting in the long hours of making sure others have all the tools for successful living, is only about preparing the soil for the seed to be planted. Sometimes our task is only about pointing someone in the right direction and showing them which way to go so that they can begin to lay tiles to step forward on.

It may take years for the seeds to be planted, take root, and yield any fruit for the bearer to enjoy and benefit from. It may take a lifetime for tiles to be laid then traveled in a satisfying direction. The important thing is that you helped to start the process by tilling the ground in which the toiling could be done.

And sometimes that’s all you’re supposed to do.

Sadiqqa © 2008

You’ve got ideas. Get involved.
-- Anonymous

Here it is, your opportunity to get involved. This is your chance to put into practice the ideas and suggestions you’ve imagined, written down, and talked about. This is the time help, create, advance, and improve that which you’ve been worried about, complaining about, and demanding. This, right here today, is your chance.

It’s your chance to vote for the candidate that most inspires you and/or the issues that most affect you, to make your voice heard and your presence known. This is your opening to be a politically active member of a democratic society. If you’re not a registered voter, this is the time to become one. If you’re really committed to affecting the political process, casting your vote when it’s time will prove that deed. Right now is your chance.

If you’ve complained long enough about the kids aimlessly walking and playing in the street, now’s your chance to provide some answers to those pointless strolls and messing around. Now’s your chance to create options and opportunities for the kids, be they simple ideas like organizing a league of kickball players, or more complex ones like training them to be competent members and captains of the neighborhood watch organization. Don’t have a neighborhood watch? Now’s the time for you, and the meandering kids, to start one.

If you’ve lamented time and time again that your neighborhood is going to pot, this is the moment for you to move to turn it around. This is the time for you to organize like-minded neighbors and take a walk through your neighborhood, arming yourselves with garbage bags for collecting random trash on the streets, flowers seeds and bulbs for planting, smiles and encouraging words for greeting skeptical neighbors, and fortitude that exudes, as Sojourner Truth believed, what was once upside down can be turned right side up again. Now is that time.

If you’ve droned on and on about how the kids, their families, and our communities are falling behind, this is your opportunity to step up to bring them up. Wherever your strengths lie, whatever your passions are, right now is the time for you to show up and dig your feet, hands, and heart in. Whether it’s children in schools who need a reading or math buddy; a family that needs help managing their money or home; or a community that needs a breath of empowerment, you are the person to provide any or all of that. Now is the time to get involved.

If you have an idea about how to make the thing better, for goodness sake, don’t just tell somebody about it – you do it. If you want to affect change, get involved, be engaged, and work to change it, whatever it is. You make the change you want to see happen. You’ve got ideas and plans, you be the one to exact them. It’s your turn, your time, and your responsibility to get involved.
Sadiqqa © 2008

In order to achieve the harmonious sound of a concerted love ballad, we must take time to understand the diversity of instrumentation. Simply said, men are far different from women, and we need to understand those differences. She is a harp to be gently stroked, and she responds to the skillful hands of a careful minstrel. He is a bugle, brassy and shiny, producing a strong sound of alarm. The music that comes from one is far different from the music that comes from the other. They must be orchestrated. We want to maintain our uniqueness but blend together as a team for lifelong bliss and love.
-- T. D. Jakes

Ah the music of a loving relationship. The melody of two loving one another can be the sweetest song ever made or heard. It surpasses the clear, chipper tune of Springtime cardinal. It outshines the sweet, romantic melodies of Mendelssohn’s sonatas and Chopin’s Nocturnes. The sound of love between two is more beautiful than an angel’s breathe whispering sweet arias in your ear.

It’s beautiful, that is, if you remember that the body of work each person brings to the relationship is tonally different and in need of careful, sensitive, and patient tuning that can create harmony worthy of masterpiece status.

Each of us carries the tunes of past experiences, dreams and fantasies, and deep-rooted expectations around in our heads like earworms – songs in our heads that get stuck and just won’t go away. Add those to the differences in our “Venus and Mars” gendered perspectives and behaviors and a melodious relationship, rich with familiar, comforting riffs and uncomplicated, peaceful chords, is sometimes tough to negotiate. Sometimes the body of work partners bring and try to mince into concert is so flat or out of key that nothing is heard but noise and only the skill of an expert conductor can make any sense of the sounds and feelings. Sometimes the best that can be accomplished is a short jingle that is as easily forgotten as your least favorite song.

But turning differences into harmonic notes that produce a delicate and exquisite cantata that lifts both partners, the love they share, and the God who made it all possible, is the greatest symphony ever written. Once middle C is found, the key and time signatures are agreed upon, the tempo is set, and the rests are in place, the philharmonic song of a magnificent relationship can be performed for the world. And what a lovely song that is!
Sadiqqa © 2008

Hunger demolishes ideology.
-- Author Unknown

When you’re hungry, sometimes you’ll eat just about anything in sight. Things you never thought would taste good going down whet your appetite. You forget about food labels that list the ingredients present and nutrients absent. You stop thinking about fully balanced meals of carbs, fruits, vegetables, and protein. You might even shirk your vegan diet and wolf down a pork chop and bologna sandwich on Challah while watching a rodeo on a pig farm when you’re really hungry.

Okay, maybe not. But think about that same sense of hunger in relation to love. When love has been missing from your life, when you’ve been starving for affection, attention, and companionship, needing someone to hold you, hug you, and love you, to confirm you are alive and indeed lovable, you find yourself reaching out and grabbing anything breathing despite how wrong or dissatisfying you know it may be. It may come at you with a prefixed label that says “beware,” “bad news,” or “stay away;” it may be connected with something unseemly and unhealthy; it may even be attached legally to someone else. But when hunger for love – deep and gut-wrenching hunger – screams so loudly it drowns out any reservations your good sense may have, you settle for whatever just to feel love.

But just as eating the wrong foods will still leave you empty of vital nourishment, so will the wrong person in the space of your life yet leave you starving for love that’s rich, real, filling, and gratifying. Hunger of any kind should be treated delicately and deliberately with only that which provides ample sustenance and respects your values and practices.

No matter how great the need, never give up what you believe or compromise your Self just to fulfill that need, no matter how essential, biological, or desirable. Hold out for nourishment as nothing is more filling than satisfying that need AND hanging on to your integrity. Besides, anything less will leave you still wanting.

Sadiqqa © 2008

The individual who can do something that the world wants done will, in the end, make his way regardless of his race.
-- Booker T. Washington

It matters not the color of one’s skin if a person can unify people and have them view the world, its issues, and their lives from the same lens.

It matters not where one’s people come from, who their mama is or where their daddy was born if the person can help people find and keep stable, high-paying jobs that allow them to pay for their basic needs, take care of their families, and believe again – or for the first time – in the legendary American dream.

It does not matter whether a person’s facial features show traces of Africa if they can sensitively and astutely talk about the crises in Africa, the abhorrent international rule-breaking in China, the centuries-old Israeli-Palestinian conflict, and the domestic unrest in the United States, all over dinner and diplomatic dialogue.

Does it weigh more that a person’s Blackness is tolerable and not “loud and oppressive,” who is “articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy” or that the person can bring home alive our sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, mothers and fathers from Iraq immediately and strategically?

If a person can provide sincere humanitarian efforts to repair the damage committed upon a country’s people and ask questions and offer alternatives before “smok’n ‘em out,” does it make a difference whether one’s family is or is not a descendent of slavery?

If a person has a written blueprint that can help struggling homeowners avoid foreclosures; expand the Family and Medical Leave Act to accommodate the sandwich generation – boomers who are caring for their parents – and parents who want to participate in their children’s academic activities; support teachers and school systems instead of punishing them; lower prescription drug costs and allow Americans to buy their medicines from other developed countries if those drugs are safe and more affordable; and speak honestly and out loud about our country’s arrogant nature, who will temper such haughtiness with tact and an extended hand, isn’t color trumped?

Sadiqqa © 2008

In whatever sense this is a New Year for you, may the moment find you eager and unafraid, ready to take it by the hand with joy and with gratitude.
‑‑ Howard Thurman

Almost a week into the new year and your resolutions still wear their bright and optimistic sparkle. Oh the things we’ve set out to do or do differently this year, a Leap Year nonetheless! Some of us will shoot for the customary goal of shedding unwanted pounds; others of us will strive to save more and spend less; and still others of us will attempt to rid ourselves of those terrible habits and tendencies we’ve involuntarily adopted. While all noble and reasonable proposals, and certainly with a chunk of disciple achievable, the bigger consideration is the posture with which you will undertake the commitments you’ve set.

Yes, a resolution is a commitment, a commitment you make to yourself. And in order to remain true to those promises and not renege on your efforts at self-improvement, the attitude and manner in which you fulfill those resolutions, the spirit and temperament by which you go about making the changes you’ve slated, all have a bearing on whether you meet and exceed your goals or get burned out before Fat Tuesday and the Lenten season of fasting, moderation, and discipline begin a month from now.

Honestly, it is pure drudgery to start going to the gym or pushing back from the table when you haven’t done either since who knows when. And it’s very hard to save money when you hardly make any in the first place and need every dime to simply make it to the next payday. And the way you bite at the inside of your cheek and pick at the rough, calloused skin on your feet most of the time seems comforting, or at the very least, non-obstructive – until you draw blood. But if you want change, the kind of change that you can directly affect, you have no choice but to do that which you’ve charged yourself with. And t’ git ‘er done, you must do so with all the grit, gusto, and chutzpah you can possibly manage!

Imagine not only how your body will look after you’ve exercised away the ham from your thighs, the chitterlings from your chin, and sweet potato pies off your butt, think about how your body will feel! No more sluggish arteries or bowels; no more racing heart just because you walked to the other side of the room; no more aching joints because of the excess crowded fatty tissue that suffocates and retards their movements.

And imagine that you’ve managed to scare up a respectable savings even after paying your bills and maintaining your home life, enough to invest and grow or give away to someone or something else that needs a little help. Imagine your mouth now kissable and your feet now presentable for the general public. Imagine them no longer aching because of the brittleness you unconsciously placed up on them when you bit and picked.

All this and more is possible if you just grab the reins and go where you said you would with enthusiasm, anticipation, and determination. A bit of passion about the thing and a whole lot of love for yourself wouldn’t hurt either! Whether you have to fake it until you make it, anything is possible when you give it all you got. And this year, you’ve got 366 days in which to do it!

Peace and blessings!
Sadiqqa © 2008

I am a woman and you are a man and I have always known it. If you love me, tell me so. Don’t approach me as you would an enemy. I am on your side and have always been. We have survived, and we may just be able to teach the world a lesson.
‑‑ Fran Sanders

We women and men, we’re a team. When one is winning, both of us are winning; when one is down, the other’s down, too. When one of us is hurt, we both weep; and when one of us is happy, both of us are lifted up. We complement each other, providing for one another that which the other needs. We are yin and yang, fire and water, noun and verb. We are the unity of opposites, balancing, supplementing, and completing one another. We are as the ancient philosopher Heraclitus mused, “The road up and the road down are the same thing.”

But as good as all that sounds, sometimes the hardest thing to do is see man and woman as bonafide partners making the world spin, twist, and turn together.

It’s extremely hard when we treat each other as objects – sexual objects, money objects – and not as humans with feelings. It’s even more difficult to fathom men and women as collaborators in the churning of life when we entertain and encourage misogyny and misandry. When the messages we give and receive define men as “dogs” and women as “female dogs,” how easy is it to consider that man or that woman your teammate?

At every moment and opportunity, our task as lovers of one another should be to confront and refute the negativity, pessimism, and contemptuousness that keep us women and men from embracing each another and our differences, regardless of our personal and painful experiences. Whoa, that’s a mouthful! Here it is again: At every moment and opportunity, our task as lovers of one another should be to confront and refute the negativity, pessimism, and contemptuousness that keep us women and men from embracing each another and our differences, regardless of our personal and painful experiences.

When we don’t challenge the derision, we perpetuate the myths, stereotypes, lies, and deceit, and, of course, never move to the next level. We never become one, never become whole. We remain disconnected, disjointed, and never strong enough to elevate ourselves or unite our families and community.

Imagine who we would be if we could honor one another; respect, consider, and cover one another. Imagine what our meeting would be if we realized we’re on the same road and each day slowed up to greet, kiss, and hug each other as we walked about the road. Imagine that our meeting in the middle of the road tilted the world back into perfect balance.

Sadiqqa © 2007

I ran [for the presidency] because someone had to do it first.
-- Shirley Chisholm

Somebody has to do the job in the way you do; someone has to carry the load the way you carry it; and somebody’s got to represent in the way that you do. You’re the one and only one to do that. You’re the first.

Perhaps you’re the first in your family to become a medical doctor or doctor of philosophy. Perhaps you’re the first to own your own business or be the head of a major corporation. Perhaps you’re the only one in your family who’s ever owned a home or been able to afford a home in the more expensive and exclusive parts of town. Perhaps you’re the first of your lineage to move the heck out of the projects.

Maybe you’re the first and only one in your office to ever hold the position you do, perhaps the job was created just for you. Maybe you’re the first minority in your field and you’ve been asked to chair the team that will write the profession’s diversity manual. Maybe you’re the first person to sensitively speak to the masses about a sure and cohesive solution for understanding and accepting differences. Maybe you’re the first one who can get the nation to talk honestly about its deep-rooted, subconscious, and habitual issues of race.

Maybe you are the first to participate in a national health study; the first to receive a new vaccine; the first volunteer to undergo national drug testing clinical trials that could help discover the answer to the world’s greatest medical enigma although it could put your long-term health in jeopardy. Maybe you’d be the first to admit you’re scared, but the success of these trials is bigger and far more critical than your fear.

If you’re the first, you can write your name in the annals of history. You are forever memorialized and a legacy by which others frame and shape their lives. But being the first also carries with it great responsibilities. You not only have to pave the way, you have to pave a righteous way. Everybody’s watching you; most are watching in awe and they’re looking to see how it’s done, what you’ve done to set the foundation. You owe them a pretty picture, a good story, a fine blueprint that will help them advance and improve what you’ve laid down.

Then, you can move on to the next thing and be the first to do that too.

Sadiqqa © 2007

I’ve been going through. But, I’m okay.
-- Anonymous

Amid the stuff in your life that hurts, amid the struggles that sometimes take your breath away, in the middle of the uncertainty that feels as though it’ll never clear, when everything looks bleak and threatens to stay blue forever, somewhere there’s a voice within that is still singing, still praising, and still versed to move on and over.

Underneath the rock, the earthworm rests. But when it rains, he is forced above ground where there is very little oxygen and too much sun for his light sensitive body. On his way back home, he’s nipped by a bird but not caught, then clipped by a shoe but not smashed. In the end, he returns to his rock, scraped and worn out, but still in one solid, unbroken piece. Still okay.

Pushed into a clearing by ambitious developers, fair game to all predators, the deer runs madly to the other side of the road toward delicious-looking brush only to be side-swiped by an SUV and left bruised and disorientated along the edge of the road. Anxiously yet slowly pushing herself off the ground, the deer hobbles back through the clearing, finds thick brush in which to hide, rest, and mend her wounds, then listens to and follows closely the familiar sounds that will lead her to denser and safer thickets. She’s a bit out of her comfort zone, scared out of her deer mind, but she’s finding her way. She’s still okay.

With every night, there may come loneliness or bad dreams. But attached to every night is a morning, and if you can make it to morning, you’re still okay. Never are you so far under that a breeze, a breath from God, can’t hit your face to remind you that you can still breath and thus improve the adverse situations and circumstances in which you find yourself. At all times, you are still okay, and never is there too much to handle, too much to sort out, or too much to confront that you can’t still make it through.

You may be worn and torn and the shackles and shanks may have left you sore, sad, mad, busted, and disgusted. But, thank you Jesus, even in the middle of the stuff, you’re still capable and cool, in control and unmoved. You’re still okay.

Sadiqqa © 2007

There will be times when you feel misunderstood and alone. Never dwell on these things. Take time to listen to your heart, spend time with your Self. Avoid at all costs the temptation to place yourself in unhealthy, unproductive, and dishonorable situations just to avoid being alone with the depth of what you feel.
-- Yawfah Shakor

Ever knew anybody that so hated to be alone with themselves that they would do just about anything or be with just about anybody to avoid spending time alone? They so dislike or mistrust being by themselves that they surround themselves with stuff, stuff that occupies their thoughts and time and keeps them from focusing on who, where, and why they are. As a matter of fact, the last time they were forced to have a little quiet time alone with themselves, they were so frightened of the noise in the silence, they vowed never again to be quiet.

Geez, what chaos they must feel.

Oh. Sorry. Was that your toe?

Is that you? One who finds it difficult to sit with your Self and mull through your emotions, motivations, and responses to life? Are you are unable to find, face, and follow your inner voice, that persistent voice that speaks righteously from your soul about who you really are. Is it you who is unable to question and answer yourself honestly or find sense of balance because you won’t take the time to check in with you? Is it you who only understands your Self through the eyes and thoughts of others?

You border your Self by things – big things like material items that make you look like you’re important, unflustered, and protected, and other big things like bravado, pretentiousness, and narcissism. You even hold tight to little things like trinkets and knick-knacks and keeping up with whose car, house, and job are bigger and better than yours. All that stuff simply takes up space in your brain and day and doesn’t get you a step closer to understanding who you are and what you have to contribute to the world.

You drown yourself in work so you won’t have to think about how you feel, what hurts, and the length of time it takes to heal, like ignoring the pain will make it miraculously disappear instead of meet you around every corner. You listen to your music very loudly so you won’t hear the baggage rattling around in your head. You drink your way past the pain of being alone, numbing yourself so you won’t have to figure out how to handle what’s underneath. On many mornings you wake to a warm body next to you but have no idea who it is or how it got there, but can it stay so you don’t have to be alone to think?

You walk past mirrors without looking in them so you won’t have to meet the look in your eyes, the look that says you hurt, you’re angry, you’re ashamed and afraid because to do so would mean you’d have to stop, be quiet, and examine the things that make you scared and uncomfortable. Even when you brush your teeth and comb your hair, you only see your teeth and hair, not a reflection of your beauty or the perfection of your heart. You’ve covered them up for so long, avoided nurturing them for this long, you can’t see anything but a body before the mirror. And on that body, you’ve placed just enough to gather you another evening of not being alone.

What are you gonna do? Stay in a place that keeps your mind occupied and away from the dark, hurtful, and confusing places? What ends up happening then? You end up with more stuff to cover up and hide from, repeating the same cycle over and over again.

Today, start to open the closet and look inside. You don’t have to move quickly and you don’t have to do it all today. Just start. It won’t be easy. It won’t be obvious. Seek professional assistance when you need to. Instead of running from it and to something or somebody, start taking the stuff off the shelves, little by little, examining it, crying over it, peeling it apart. Then bag it up the garbage truck.

Today is that day to never care again that you’re alone.

Sadiqqa © 2007

Don’t be afraid to go out on a limb, that’s where the fruit is.
-- T. Burton

Imagine that the treasure you want, the opportunity of a lifetime, is at the end of the road, but the road is full of dips and bends, valleys and mountains, and cracks and gaps. Along the road toward your prize, you are likely to experience forks in the road that are both appealing and complicated, and you’ll come upon road blocks that seem as long as the Great Wall of China but only as thick as the skin you wear. You may step in a sinkhole here or there that cripples your efforts, be thrown off your path by errant drivers, and, on occasion, you might get so tired, bored, and fed up from your trip, you may decide to just give up and look to another goal.

Imagine that you do decide to travel each dip, bend, valley, mountain, fork, road block and sinkhole, and at each juncture, you find your trek more difficult. But you also find that as you progress along your path, you become stronger and begin to get pieces of ammo not only necessary for making each leg of the journey meaningful and irreplaceable, but for appreciating and caring for that treasure at the end of the long, tough road. You place what you get and learn in the armory of your brain and pull them out as necessary. And what you get along the way, nobody can take from you nor can it be left behind.

Imagine that some days of moving toward your opportunity are slower than others or some days you want the world to stop it’s moving so fast. Some days you may be afraid to take another step for fear it’s the wrong one and you’ll get stuck or grow stagnant. Other days, you know without a doubt you’re moving in the right and righteous direction.

Imagine that to get to the treasure at the end of the road, you must meet the challenges along the way and follow the road in its entirety no matter the conditions. You wouldn’t have to do it alone, God the pilot will usher you there. All you need to remember is that everything on the road, no matter what or who it is, is in your path to equip you for handling the journey on the way and glory at the end.
Sadiqqa © 2007

Every man is born into the world to do something unique and something distinctive and if he or she does not do it, it will never be done.
‑‑ Benjamin E. Mays

Just as no one can steal, or still, your blessings, no one can do your thing in this world for or better than you. Whether you believe it or not, feel it or not, God placed you here for some great purpose, be it big or small in anyone else’s eyes. Possibly you’ve been placed here to show the world what true compassion looks like as you travail each day teaching the children, feeding the hungry, smoothing balm on aches and pains, and offering encouragement to those who’ve lost their way. Perhaps you came to show us how to push past our limits as we watch you gracefully climb over impossible mountains of doubt, swim effortlessly through channels of fear, and shuttle confidently through a universe full of hopelessness. Just maybe your purpose is to be a vessel to anyone who needs a drink.

God gave you hands for serving and a heart for loving. God gave you talents and genius, power and imagination. These gifts were given to you freely, and while others may share your talents, genius, and abilities, you add to them a special and exclusive touch, one that we cannot do without for it helps make the world a better and more interesting place to live in.

Thank you for what you do.

Sadiqqa © 2007

... people can only be who they are. Expecting them to be who we want them to be, or to operate beyond their level of understanding and development, is an exercise in frustration for us and is unfair to them. We’d best accept folks as they are, or let them grow on without us.
-- Susan Taylor

We expect a lot from our partners. We expect them to think like us, to think rationally and sensitively. We expect them to put themselves in our shoes and instinctively know how we’re feeling. We expect them to always be tuned in and available to us whenever we need them.

However, half the time we’re never really sure what we ourselves are thinking, our own perceptions of what is sound and logical are often flawed, we haven’t even attempted to walk in anybody else’s shoes, and most of the time, we aren’t even available to ourselves. But, we expect our honey-loves to be everything we need them to be at all times. Some of us even spend our lives trying to change them into the storybook King or Queen we just know they are dying to be.

In the throes of an everyday relationship, it’s easy to forget that the other person is not your invention that can simply be erased or torn down and put back together in a more suitable form. The person you love is not clay, at least not your clay, to resculpt into another being that is more manageable, amenable, and acceptable. No, this person that you’ve invited into your life to love you already has definite and well-established ideas about how to live and love. That’s not to say that people can’t or don’t change with a little help. But that’s just a nudge, not a twist of the arm or the deployment of manipulative and clever tactics.

At the prelude of every day we love and live with our honeys, we must remember that we and they come from different places of experience, perspective, and awareness. On any given day and time, honey just doesn’t look like you want him or her to look, or honey is not acting the way you think honey should. In that case, your only responsibility is to love them through the differences, talking with them, listening to them, and sharing honestly with one another so that the two of you can find middle ground that makes you sweeter together.

That’s hard work. But it’s much less energy that battling at a game of tug-of-war that can only end in hurt feelings and resentment. Imagine the rewards of letting your honey just Be.

Sadiqqa © 2007

If your tears fall, let ‘em fall. Don’t wipe ‘em no more.
-- Erv Gotti

You’re human. You hurt. Cry.

You’re overjoyed and it feels good to your soul. Cry.

You’re a woman. You’re a man. Cry.

The world bunched your panties in a wad, popped your bra, and has you upside down by the jock strap. Cry.

You don’t have to suck it up and be a big girl about it. You don’t have to hide or numb how you feel. You feel it, it causes pain, you cry.

When the tears run down your face, if they gush like fountains and rivers or trickle like a leaky faucet, whether you’re happy or sad, in public or private, in the right or wrong, let them fall. Don’t wipe them anymore.

Sadiqqa © 2007

I must learn to love the fool in me – the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries.
-- Theodore Isaac Rubin

Looking in the mirror and seeing that fine specimen you are is easy to do when your hair is in place, your face is flawless, and your clothes are stylish. It’s easy to blink at that beautiful vision in the mirror when all your bills are paid and there’s still money left over, your health is stellar, you’re well loved, and you’ve conquered that big problem at work and you’re well on your way to a big promotion. But what about the days when you’re not a shining star, the days when your booty does stink? Is the picture in the mirror just as pretty?

So you’re loud. Even your own eardrums pound from the pressure of your voice. Maybe you live inside your head too much, or maybe you share every thought that comes into your head, whether anyone wants to know them or not.

Maybe you fall in love too quickly or love too hard. Maybe you don’t trust yourself enough to open up to love, let alone another human being. Maybe you can love them and leave them, or perhaps you thrive on possessing a lover. Maybe all you really want is someone to take out the trash and keep the yard cut and landscaped. Maybe you’re looking for a love to sink the teeth of your life into.

Maybe you cry a lot, at little things and big, in public and in private. Maybe when you cry, you are a sniveling idiot and nothing calms you until you’ve gotten it all out. Or maybe the last time you shed a tear, you recall being rocked, fed, burped, and changed into a fresh diaper.

Maybe you’re not a card sender though you do think of others often. Maybe you don’t call or return calls or emails as often as others wish you would. Maybe you call and wish others well, even when you don’t know them. Maybe you’re a social genius and everyone else is just lame.

Could be you don’t like people, Christmas, chocolate, or sex. Maybe all you want to do is be around others, eat chocolate, and have sex like every day is Christmas. Perhaps you thrive by your feelings. Or maybe you operate on logic and fact and believe anyone who doesn’t is destined to a life of impracticality and foolishness. Maybe you lie, steal, cheat, overeat, and overspend – usually all in one day. Maybe you’re too honest and have a tendency toward anorexia and Christmas and chocolate turn your stomach more than anything in this world or the next.

Maybe you’re a hoarder or a minimalist; a spender or a saver; artistic or somewhat bland. The truth of the matter is whoever you are, you are who you are and you may as well sit down and get comfortable with that. All of your illogical, reckless, and brainless idiosyncrasies are minced with your sensible and clever habits and together they make you who you are. Perhaps you are made up of extremes, there’s nothing middle ground about you. Maybe you lean more toward this maximum than that one. Or, perhaps you want to refine a trait or diminish one or two so they don’t overshadow the qualities you most admire. But, you are who you are. Accept that.

Others probably have.

Sadiqqa © 2007

The most important elements of any relationship are trust and respect. When you trust someone enough to be honest with them, you grow to respect them and yourself. Where there is trust and respect, intimacy resides. When you are afraid to let others see you exactly as you are, you are bound to lack fulfillment and satisfaction.
-- Iyanla Vanzant

You laid your head on a welcoming lap for a tender hand to caress and comfort it and tell you the world isn’t such a bad place. You can lie there in that lap for as long as you want to and even cry if you need to. You can watch a soothing candle burning in your view and listen to the soft sounds in the background, the sound of guitars and waves on a breezy summer night along a secluded gulf bordering the shores of the Atlantic, or Pacific, or Mediterranean. You can rest assured under the touch of that hand that the world is not such a bad place.

Your favorite meal was prepared and dessert is just around the corner. There are no voices except that of the one caressing your head. In the peaceful quiet, the voice speaks softly to you, saying “I want always to know who you are at every change in your life. Even if who you are becomes someone I don’t understand. Tell me, show me what I need to do or be when you’re in a mood, any mood, when your moods change. Teach me how to love you during your changes.

“You’ve trusted me with you. You’ve put yourself in my hands. I pray to God each day that my hands remain strong so that I can care for you in the ways you need. I love you, every part of you, your habits, both the sane and the insane, your moods and melody. You are a beautiful song. I even love that you turn the toilet tissue this way instead of that way and that you put empty ice trays back in the freezer.

“I love your one hip that’s higher than the other and the stories you tell me about growing up belittling those hips. I love you even more as you share with me the woes of the bewildered journeys you’ve taken just to be the person you are today. I’m listening when you say it wasn’t easy so I can be sure you never have to experience those kinds of difficult times with me. I love laughing with you – remember when we did that crazy thing, how we laughed into the wee hours of the morning? I love you laughing.

“And thank you for not turning me away when I was hurting bad last week. Thanks for being available for me. That meant a lot. You know I’ve never felt at ease letting my guard down, I was always taught not to. You allowed me to spill my fears at your feet and you didn’t judge me or snub me, and you didn’t receive my stuff as though it were a burden to you or our life together. You were kind and open and willing to let me not have to be strong or tough at that moment in my life. You just took my stuff, helped me lay it at the altar, and you prayed for me. Thank you for the way you loved me, the way you loved me through that. It made me feel safe. I’ve never felt so free. Or whole. Or healed.

“This world is not such a bad place with love like this.

“Are you ready for dessert now?”

Sadiqqa © 2007

I don’t have to do it all. I just have to do my thing.
-- Esther Davis-Thompson, MotherLove: Reinventing a Good and Blessed Future for Our Children

Everyday we hear and see things that tug at our hearts and senses. The news headlines racial injustice throughout American cities; hate crimes; rising resentment against immigrants; war in Iraq and Afghanistan; conflicts in Rwanda, Somalia, and Darfur; failing peace talks in the Middle East; melting icebergs, rising sea levels, and global warming; abused children; achievement gaps; illiteracy; Wall Street surges and dives; recalled food; identity fraud; drug trafficking; fires; floods; HIV/AIDS; dirty water; kids in trouble; marriages in trouble; narcissism; and the list goes on. All of this circulates in our minds, gripping pieces and parts of our Souls, revving us to find the cure and solution for all of it. Unfortunately, we’re often left feeling tired, overwhelmed, and hopeless just thinking about it.

Well, you don’t have to do it all. You don’t even have to think about all of it. You are not required to solve all the problems of the world. You are only obligated to do what you can as best you can.

Hmm, that’s worth repeating - you are not required to solve all the problems of the world. You are only obligated to do what you can as best you can.

The key to not becoming overwhelmed and hopeless – sorry, you will get tired – is to take the piece of an issue that you can handle, the portion of it that speaks to you, and do with it what you do best. Use your time and talents to solve a problem in the way that works for you. Perhaps you are most passionate about ending global illiteracy but taking on this large effort is more than you can fathom doing alone. So join one or two of the many volunteer literacy programs in your community and teach a child or adult to read. One drop in the bucket may not seem like a lot, but it’s one more in the bucket toward ending one of the world’s problems.

Maybe world hunger breaks your heart. And just maybe you love to cook. Consider making a few meals for hungry families in your community over the holidays. You may not have fed the globe, but you kept a few people from starvation.

Maybe abused and abandoned children have a soft spot in your heart. Consider adopting or being a foster parent to a child who believes he’ll never have a safe place to call home or a family of his own. Perhaps that’s one less hurting child.

Maybe you sing. Consider using your melodic voice to raise the spirits of the “seasoned” in the nursing centers or teaching children to appreciate real music. Maybe you have the gift of gab. Consider teaching someone how to pray.

You don’t have to save the world. That’s what Jesus came to do. You only have to do what you can with what you have. You can only do what’s in your personal capacity.

This perceived little bit is your opportunity to serve. Serve as you can, who you can, and as best you can. That’ll make the biggest difference in the world.
Sadiqqa © 2007

Call me the Pro-Black militant Grinch or the Ebony Ebenezer Scrooge, but I detest this time of year. This is the time of year that the whole world turns lily white and those that aren’t white wish they were. White Jesus, white Santa, white elves! What’s an Afrocentric brotha to do; pour myself a cup of eggnog and go off singing “I'm dreamin’ of a white Christmas?”
-- Min. Paul Scott

The minister makes a great point, albeit a bit cynical. But where do we African Americans find ourselves during this holiday season?

For starters, we find ourselves in the same places we do during the rest of the year – visibly absent from the mainstream of American life. Nary a commercial, a television show, or movie is about our lives. Okay, a few, but wouldn’t it be nice to see something all the time that has to do with us? If you didn’t know better, you’d think everybody in America was white!

But that’s not a bad thing. To be missing from the dumb stuff is good. To not be caught up in the tabloids, that’s good. To not have our laundry aired on national television, that’s even better. But to be overlooked and disregarded during this blessed time of the year, well, that’s just not cool.

But although it’s not cool, it’s okay. What’s important to us, to all, at this time of year are the blessings in the season – the opportunities to spend time with family and friends, giving gifts from the heart, thinking about a new year to come. Even bigger than all that is the birthday of our Lord and Savior who, without Him, we’d all be living under an old covenant, absent of mercy and atonement for the stupid stuff we do, which is the stuff that shows up on television. What’s most important about this season is not missing. Jesus is the reason for the season.

So no matter how many “white” Christmas we see on television, hear on the radio, or see walking down the street, remember the season is greater than what you see or who you don’t see. The season is bigger than all that. His name is Jesus.
Sadiqqa © 2007